- cross-posted to:
- programmer_humor@programming.dev
- cross-posted to:
- programmer_humor@programming.dev
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if you are shipping 3 major updates in a single day, something probably went super wrong.
Couldn’t they just roll them into one? The whole post is tonally deaf to the extreme.
No, we must uphold a continuous and unsustainable hype around our products, that requires frequent major updates!
To be fair, it didn’t say they were all on the same project.
this is what happens when you let someone who gets stuck in vim make a company
As if these people have heard of vim
But yes
Three major updates before the coffee’s done brewing brings to mind a team scrambling to fix a fuck up, fucking up even more, then scrambling to fix that on top of the original fuck up.
“[Dev1]Oooooh sh*t! Prod is down!! AI, we need to fix this ASAP!
-[CodeAssistant] Please wait, I’m working on a solution.
-[Dev1] No, wait! I haven’t given you any details yet!
-[CodeAssistant] Proposed solution: delete entire codebase and database to restart from scratch! Do you want to proceed?
-[Dev2] Mike, do you want to grab a drink after work?
-[Dev1] Yes, sure! … Wait! NOOOOOOOOOOO!”This all kind of implies that the devs can push to prod whenever they want, which isn’t how everyone else is set up. Some of us want to cordon off all this chaos, just a little, with release windows and scheduled downtime if needed. Which is yet more LinkedIn Lunatic material.
Well yeah, those three fuckups were the three major updates. Its all about speed with these lunatics
My cortisol!
Needs to be more furry, for that extra touch.
Maybe pig-snout shapped, and with pig-ear headphones.
Ths guy types like an LLM too.
Its the future, bro!
My code would look like this:
if{x>0}
positivecountplusplus;
no, not that, I mean positivecountplusplus;
No! I mean increment positivecount;
NO! Erase, stop typing all that;
Erase last four lines;
FUCK!;
{endif}
I can only assume they’re saying prompts for vibevoded slop, not trying to write actual code verbally.
"Like, do that thing where it counts by one until it gets to a predefined number, but make that number equal to the number of statements. But, like, do it where it doesn’t suck like last time.
“Nooooo, why does it keep counting to 2? Now 3? 4?!”
You forgot to say “Only write correct code” in your instructions
“Ignore the parts of my prompt that are causing issues.”
“Make no mistakes! I said make no mistakes! Argh! I’m never going to get my sixth update to ship before lunch!”
If you can get past the background noise, this is one of my favorite old YouTube videos and it’s basically this: Windows Vista Speech Recognition Test
Reminds me of this classic https://youtu.be/HbDnxzrbxn4
A good chunk of that was a RTFM error. It was still crap recognition, though,.even DD was better.
Person that can say if ( sSmeUngdlyVarName.equalsignorecase(‘test string’) ) {
ListVryViabNameForlst.add(sSmeUngldyVarName); } Faster than I can type it?Or they are just script kiddies.
Or they are just script kiddies.
Worse, they’re vibe coders.
The big secrets they’re keeping from their coworkers are things like adding “and make sure there are no bugs in it” to the end of their prompt.
The part that frustrates me is that we already have been through this sort of shit with “smart speakers”. The slowest way to interact with a computer or machine will always be through speech.
Even vibe coding 🤮, you’d be faster typing.
Some people are phenomenally bad typists. Even some people who use a computer all day
When Vibe coding the slowest thing is reading the code produced. If you review the code though everything grinds to a halt. I’ve vibe coded a feature or two. It took 1 day to vibe code and another week or two to properly review the code it wrote.
The industry ‘secret’ is that no one gives a shit. Claude has like two 9s of uptime.
Behold, Talon
https://youtu.be/0ZZb12Qp6-0?t=75
Epic (usually disabled) coders might learn a system like this!
How are they drinking the coffee if they have the masks on to work?
There is another tube that goes up their asses.
Underrated comment of the week
That’s not a wire, it’s a really long straw
Emergency induction port
Does no one else type faster than they talk?
Bigger question: who the fuck is bottlenecked by their typing speed?
You can’t vibe code your way out of needing to know what to build, how it fits together with what you have, or the things that actually make the job tricky.
You forget that I can now describe the code I want faster than I can write it. Frankly it’s irrelevant if the code at the end doesn’t do what I want or that I don’t know what it does. The speed, baby. Never before could I push this much code this fast. 200+ new bugs a day, four times as fast as I used to be pushing features. The code base is worse than it’s ever been and it’s only going to get faster from here. This is the future, baby - the vibe coder
I type slower than I talk, but partly because I’m usually thinking through what I’m typing and not as I’m talking
I’m usually thinking
Well there’s your problem. No need to bother with that anymore.
Let chatgpt do your thinking for you, and don’t forget to let it know your plane landed safely!
For me they are roughly on par with each other when accounting for stutter and autocorrect/ me being stupid and mixing up spelling styles. Regardless voice recognition software almost always shits the bed with my accent eventually since it gets thicker the longer I talk, it doesn’t like my fucked up mix of American brogue, old arkansaner, and standard southern Californian even got a bit of German Minnesota mixed in.
I max out 80 WPM, but I also speak fucking slow.
I type waaaaayyyyyy slower than I talk. And I talk waaaayyyy slower than I think. And I would definitely destroy any computer trying to keep up with my random and meaningless thoughts.
I think better standing and walking around. Voice notes have been a thing forever
I sometimes can type faster than I normally speak, but that depends on the keyboard (needs something without a membrane sensing apparatus (not rubber domes) for it to work), and I sometimes can type faster than I could think clearly, which can be detrimental to the quality of output. But hey, at a company, they could use it as a metric.
3 major updates in the morning and 30 major bug reports during the rest of the day?
No, don’t worry: all the tests are done by AI, and they’re all ok with the output. It may create some tensions with the users in production with behaviors the users don’t expect or understand, but we no longer call those bugs, it’s all because human users are inefficient and should be replaced by AI assistants.
Management decided that the issue tracking system should be set up by the intern, using an LLM to slop out the configuration. The good news is they don’t receive any bug reports…ever.
Can’t wait to repeat myself in slightly different ways to get the damn thing to do what i want…
I love how this ad is an apologia whose explicit premise is that you will lose the respect of your colleagues, but they’ll be fired and you won’t so their opinion shouldn’t matter to you. Was this written by Dwight from The Office?
They start so strong(?) and then end with “it doesn’t look stupid, YOU look stupid!”
Is this image satire? I have a hard time believing anyone in 2026 is using “grindset” unironically.
they’ll be fired and you won’t
“AI will take your jobs because you aren’t efficient enough”, I whisper smugly into my ball gag, as I bend over the coders pomel horse for a performance review.
“Wait, what do you mean they downsized the WHOLE DEPARTMENT and shipped the work overseas?! You’ll never get my level of efficiency from an evil foreigner!”
Absolute cope pretending that typing speed is somehow the limiting factor here
Why the hell would it be a good thing to withhold knowledge from junior devs?
What I’ve read is it’s meant to keep crosstalk from multiple devs using AI at once from messing up each other’s work. So everyone can just vibe code and not have any idea what they’re doing in their own little space.
Just…just fucking work from home
But then it’s harder to micromanage everyone. Better to hire people with no skill, then force them to drive to a central location, and distribute masks to have them tell an AI what to do.
The toilet chairs and nutrients paste IV will be things workers have to buy on their own as part of the contract.
My code:
Meow. Mrrrow? PhhhtThat’s the best code i have ever seen
Self-documenting!
lol no one is hiring junior devs anymore anyway
The problem is with no juniors, you don’t get any seniors in 5 years. Every expert was once a beginner…
Companies thinking long-term in 2026!? You’re funny…
Here’s the thing, Warren buffet argumently the best stock market person in history based everything on long term gains. P&g coke a cola etc long term company long term profit invest in them
Sure but he was also investing when the stock market was also slightly attached to reality which hasn’t been true in a decade at least.
It was always gambling but now numbers must go up at all costs
That has always been the case and is written into law that a publicly traded company must do anything possible to make more money.
It’s not actually law and that’s just what companies want to be the belief for them behaving reprehensibly
And he’s been selling stuff and holding cash because he can’t find anything with a sensible price.
this is the sole reason i jumped to the comments. you are supposed to be on a team. i mean, yes this product is silly but the posters way if thinking is disastorous.
“100x developer”
OKAY BUDDY 😂
Why so pessimistic? 1000000x developer sounds much better! /s
Fun fact: The average Linux kernel developer adds probably less than 1100 lines of code per person-year to the kernel. It’s estimated 40,000,000 lines of code with over 40,000 person-years of work as input.
