It’s time for one of my favorite quotes, no idea where I heard it though
She’s not dressed like a slut, you think like a rapist
So many things have fallen in place for me.
I hate how normalized victim blaming for sexual assault is. It’s all around us and it takes effort to reject it
Yup. Including from other women, and ourselves sometimes.
I had chalked up a nice big pile of things as my “early sexual exploits” - given the reaccion of everyone I’d ever told about any of it, it was my doing and I must have enjoyed it … depending on the listener, that was either a good thing or a bad thing. And I took that on board.
The first time I was told “no, you were raped” was when I was 32. Funnily enough that conversation is still harder to talk about than what actually happened. Brains are weird like that, I guess.
Brains and trauma are a fascinating topic, it really quite amazing what our brains will do to protect us and our social group
Ukraine: tell me about it.
Ukraine gets blamed for sexual assault?
No, Ukraine gets scapegoated.
But sometimes I want to dress like a slut and that’s still not asking to be raped
Nude beaches aren’t an all you rape buffet, so it shouldn’t matter what you do or don’t wear.
Yeah, if I’m wearing something slutty that’s a signal I may be open to flirtation, not that it’s ok to sexually violate me.
If I’m wearing something slutty, it probably means I want sex.
It doesn’t mean that I want sex with you in particular. (General you, not you-in-particular, just to be clear.)
This is the thing that escapes most men.
Yep! And also sometimes it means I misjudged my outfit or it’s way too hot out and I wanted to look nice. But yeah usually I’m trying to be flirtatious, but flirtatious doesn’t mean everyone gets a ride on me.
I always wonder what the rules are for people that think like this. Skirt 2 inches above the knee? Not giving permission for sex with anyone. But 4 inches? permission granted! How does their mind work?
Privilege and entitlement, that’s how they think
This one is staying with me for when judgmental assholes around me speak.
Yay! I’d love to get this simple saying out and normalized.
It applies to other areas too. There had to be an easy slogan like this for pedos as will. Why are so many men obsessed with hair on women’s bodies? School girl fetish? Slender and petite? Step-daughter? Sounds like pedophilia to me. Step-sister? Insest. Seriously wtf is with porn?
Reminds me of the What Were You Wearing exhibit
The creators, Jen Brockman and Mary Wyandt-Hiebert, are longtime educators and advocates for survivors of sexual and relationship violence. In May 2013, while attending a training session, they encountered Simmerling’s poem What I Was Wearing. The poem describes Simmerling’s experience of rape in the summer of 1987 and the deeply ingrained memory of what she was wearing that night. It ends with the line, “I remember also what he was wearing that night even though it’s true that no one has ever asked.”[3] Moved by the poem’s stark testimony, Brockman and Wyandt-Hiebert began developing a visual response to the question it addresses. They obtained Simmerling’s permission to use her poem that summer, and the first exhibit opened in April 2014 at the University of Arkansas during Sexual Assault Awareness Month.[4]
Wyandt-Hiebert and Brockman began collecting stories from student survivors at the University of Arkansas, inviting them to share what they were wearing at the time of their assaults. As they worked to recreate those outfits, the goal was not to recreate trauma but to reclaim space for survivors and challenge the enduring myths that shield perpetrators and silence victims.[1]
The creators emphasized that the clothes displayed were intentionally ordinary—jeans, sweatshirts, t-shirts, uniforms, dresses—chosen not for shock value but to reveal how unremarkable the clothing often was. As Brockman explained, the aim was to expose the rape myth that changing one’s clothes can prevent sexual assault and to create a space where survivors might recognize themselves in the installation and know they are not alone.[5]
Different experiences of sexual violence are represented, including assaults experienced by people of various ages, genders, backgrounds, and professions. The installation was conceived not just as an educational display but as an act of solidarity with survivors.
It would be jeans and a t-shirt for me. Clothes don’t matter if a man thinks he can get away with it.
i always think of this when someone talks about modesty or purity.
It’s astonishing how normalized it is to blame victims even to this day.
The fault is always with the perpetrator. Always.
There’s no amount of flirting, suggestion, chats, clothing, nothing that justifies it. Not even if the victim had been promiscuous.
Always seemed pretty simple to me, but some people really struggle with this.
I remember that! The worst for me was the nappy. Someone had been wearing a nappy when it happened. It’s devastating
That was a powerful exhibit.
Reminds me of a time I watched a trial on cspan, or something, where the defence(a man) brought up the fact that the victim wasn’t wearing underwear, so the prosecutor(a woman) had to explain “underwear lines” to the court.
It was so absurd and so unnecessary to even indulge the idea that someone who doesn’t wear underwear wants to fuck anyone and everyone.
I love that exhibit for shutting down the whole “you should dress less slutty” angle.
It’s not how we dress.
I think there’s more going on! Given a blank slate question like, “Why did the car get stolen?” or “Why did the house get broken in to?” people will think of anything else but that there was a car thief or burglar. It makes us feel safer to think that the cause doesn’t lie entirely with the perpetrator. We live in a fundamentally unknowable, unpredictable, uncaring world of potential monsters and horrors, but people don’t enjoy being reminded of that fact. Humans favor delusion because we can’t handle reality. You’re right that it is about control but I think it originates in a pervasive need for a sense of control over reality/experience.
You know who deflects blame? The guilty do.
We shouldn’t have to worry about men trying to rape us, under a sensible society even if you wore the most revealing clothes or hell even no clothes at all it would not be seen as invitation to rape
She’s hot
Excuse me, what the actual fuck?
Yeah, I think that’s what they had in mind.
It’s not funny to joke about sex on a post about rape.
Holy shit, this post is about to be brigaded by salty men, isn’t it?
It’s been a whole day and a half since the last one so I’d say we’re due.
I wish lemmy had an “only subscribers can comment” button on coms. We’d still get brigaded, but with less rando reply guys and more men who hate us for our bodies and minds.
I had hoped this post in particular would be largely ignored since it’s such a sensitive topic.
I was wrong :(
The MRA weenies and their spin-off cohorts will use any excuse to humiliate or attack women. There is nothing so sensitive that a manosphere manchild won’t attack it.
But it’s misandry to despise them for it.
It’s just a low effort troll.
There are several low-effort trolls now and leaving comments like “she’s hot” on a post about rape in this group can be incredibly insensitive.
These people need a little more public shame in their life for saying such things publicly.
Are you in compliance with the rules of this group?
Asking for now. Not accusing.
For now.
Tiki I’m not sure what you mean by that comment, but if it’s a sexual joke on a post about rape thats not ok
And here we have another aspect of rape culture on display: dehumanization through sexual objectification.
Jesus fucking christ
Republican trailer trash.
Hi friend! Understandable mistake but we don’t allow politics here
Are you OK? Are you smelling burned toast? Did you happen to read rule #4?
The idea itself is flawed because the danger is the men and their perception. Speaking in societal terms.
Am a cis male by the way and hope its okay to weigh in. Don’t want to seem like I am mansplaining. I am sure everybody here knew this already but I wanted to say it out loud anyways.
Hey prenatal thanks for your honesty! We are women only so please don’t comment again thanks for understanding 😊
Sorry I didn’t read the rules because I just hit subscribe sometimes for interesting community’s. I will refrain from. Commenting again and respect them of course.
No it is not OK to weigh in. Rule #1 should have told you that.
But you absolutely had to weigh in, didn’t you? Your male perspective is so all-fired important that rules are for weaklings, right?
Z tone it down mate he’s being polite
Ya seriously. How dare he voice an agreeing opinion on an unrestricted, open forum. What an asshole he is. s/
Someone else didn’t read the rules, or else he would have known the forum is not unrestricted.
How dare a mere WOMAN tell a MAN off for breaking the rules?
Live with it, manchild.
What a sexist board, blocked. Imagine if we had a male-only board. The entire fediverse would burn it to the ground.
There are male geared communities on lemmy, they just don’t have to explicitly ban women because we’re such a small demographic and we don’t have fragile little baby egos. Oh no, did the women want to talk without you? Poor whiney bitch boy. The internet is already a safe space for men.
Y’know for all the bad that Reddit contains, it did make it clear that it’s very possible to have men’s and women’s subreddits without burning any of them to the ground.
Women gathering together without men isn’t sexist.
Oh no! A man has blocked a group he’s not supposed to be talking in anyway! WHATEVER WILL WE DO!?!?!
Oh. Right. Celebrate one less manbaby.
He knew the rules and purposefully broke them.
I didnt. Belive it or not, i dont read the rules for every community I subscribe to.
Lady Butterfly already told you the rules and asked you to refrain from commenting further, but here you are.
Please respect the rules for this community and use this as a reminder to check which comm you’re in when commenting.
I didn’t read the rules. True. That is, in my opinion, not a males thing but a lazy thing because sometimes I just hit subscribe for something I would likento learn more about.
Yes I broke them. Sorry.
Loud and impolite women are asked to keep it down more frequently than men. Systemic problem. You are still annoying and that just down to your character and not the gender you identify with.
Now I will shut up. And yes I had to weigh in with this comment.
Translation: You knew the rules this time, and still felt the need to break them because your precious feelings got hurt by a, and I quote, “loud and impolite woman”.
But there’s no sublimated misogyny here in the slightest.
Thanks prenatal, I’m afraid as you’ve behaved in a really disrespectful way you’re now banned. I hope you understand ❤️
Calling a woman annoying for calling you out in a group where your voice was never wanted? Were you born with an ego that paper thin or do you just have a problem with shutting the hell up?
So you agree your comment was both unnecessary and unwanted. Glad we’re on the same page. Get out.
