I feel like a whole generation of kids are missing out on positive male role models.
Step up, and pass on the good vibes and knowledge
My father didn’t bother in my life til I was 25. My stepda , the first one, was an abusive piece of shit. A neighbour guy took it on himself to be a father figure for me,and damn he did good. Second person I came out too. His reaction? Tears, a hug, and dinner. Damn I miss him.
This stuff is why I want to get back into the scouts as an adult. The wife and I both have genetic issues, so kids aren’t in the future unless we stumble upon a teenager that needs someone to actually give a fuck about them.
I have a ton of outdoorsman knowledge and skills and no one to pass it down to, which makes me sad. But I’m hesitant to join an organization for kids without any of my own because of the BSAs past controversy.
BSA is not the only scouting org, and there are other ways to be a positive role model (such as volunteering for Big Brothers Big Sisters).
It’s the only one around me, unfortunately. Well, there is the Boys and Girls club, but they’ve had similar issues with predators.
I’m sure I’m worrying too much. I briefly joined up with a troop in my 20s before college got in the way and the leadership was happy to have a younger adult involved.
Wait… which past controversy were you talking about?
The whole pedophile thing. They pulled the same shit as the Catholic church and tried to cover it up.
I’m more of the “this is an example of what not to do/be” kind of role model
Why?
- I have basically no self-esteem or self-respect
- I see very few if any redeeming qualities in myself
- I don’t like who I am or what my life is
But in addition to that, I find myself unwilling or unable to make changes that might improve anything I listed above. I wouldn’t recommend being or living like me to anyone, therefore I would be a very poor role model.
I bet there’s something you’re good at, or even just okay at, that you might be good at teaching to someone who isn’t good at it.
I have periods when I go into a slump and I feel like how you described. I’m definitely not a role model, my life is falling to bits, and I’m a failure at life, as a certain family member likes to keep reminding me. But the fact that my nephew comes to me when he’s got a problem shows I do have something to offer. I bet there’s something you can offer someone, even if you might not have the mental energy right now.
It turns out that one of the symptoms of depression is not having the tools to deal with your symptoms of depression.
That’s why I’m grateful that my mom stuck me in therapy when I was 9 after the divorce, and again after the ADHD diagnosis.
My wife has almost the same upbringing and mental issues, but never saw a therapist until college, so she has almost no healthy coping tools.
Self awareness is definitely a redeeming quality, and it’s clear you have that. Something to build on, if you want.
Knowing you have a problem is step 1 to solving it
What’s the yank obsession with male role models and male-coded activities? Like, sure, “enjoy some quality time with pops” is probably a good thing for most children, but why the weird gendering obsession with the whole thing? Can’t the kid grow up just as happy and healthy learning some other activity with, you know, their own freaking mother instead of a random?
That one isn’t a “yank obsession”. Fathers are important, as are mothers, and any child growing up with only one of them is going to have things they miss-out on.
BTW I’m not passing any judgement on single sex couples adopting, or any other shape of loving family. I don’t know any data on what the outcomes are like, but I’m sure the most important thing is the love and support the child gets.
Just taking this one example under consideration, maybe the boy has expressed interest in fishing, and the mom knows that this neighbor is into fishing, and she emphatically isn’t, and she feels like her son might benefit from that kind of bonding experience.
From a more broad-based perspective, it doesn’t have to be a gendered conversation, but for a lot of young people, they look to adults for guidance and for ways to understand and express their gender, and it’s healthy and helpful to have an adult that they can pattern their own gender expression off of. I didn’t have a lot of present male role models as a young boy, and so I found myself reading and watching a lot of science fiction and asking myself “Is this the kind of thing that Captain Picard would do?” It wasn’t a perfect replacement by a long shot, but it was something, and it was something that I didn’t even fully realize I was looking for until I went back and looked at my own developing sense of what it was to be a man, much later in adulthood.
Can a child learn healthy gender expression from an adult of any given gender? I don’t know, maybe. But I do know that as a boy, I really wanted an adult man to help me construct my own identity, and I went looking for one, without even fully knowing what I was doing or why.
Can you be well adjusted with only one or the other? Sure. But you’re going to have an easier time of things if you get proper interaction from both sexes as you grow up. It helps you know how to deal with them, makes you less nervous, and honestly there is just an inherent difference between how each acts.
Well, yeah, I’m not advocating for isolation from the other gender (abolish gendered schools ffs), but those interactions don’t have to come from a paternal/maternal figure or take the form of traditionally gendered activities like fishing or knitting.
Was raised with divorced parents, seeing my father only occasionally. I can see ways it’s fucked me up - lacking confidence, typical “male” skills and I often had to face singular point of view of life when growing up. I didn’t “feel” it making damage, because it didn’t do that much - but I lost a lot of growth I’d otherwise had.
Also have female friend who had similiar situation and, at the same time, similiar outcome.
Children need both parents, simple as. Not only is raising a kid by yourself a horror for parent, it’s also not enough for a child. Doesn’t mean it will produce a psychopath or emotional wreck, but it will show up repeatedly after growing up, if done well only in small ways, but if not…welp.
And again, it’s not about just lacking a father - IMO, both parental figures are needed.
I feel like what a child needs is some sort of close-knit community to interact with daily, not just parents. It could be the extended family, it could be the neighbors, etc. This is how children grew up for most of the history of our species, hell, I’d guess most mothers throughout history didn’t know who the father is at all. The idea that a child is raised exclusively by the parents is an extremely novel invention forced upon us by western individualist culture.
Genders or “parental figures” don’t actually matter here, what matters is interacting with different people, forming personal relationships with them and learning from their positive traits and behaviors.
Had that and from personal experience, it didn’t work. I perceived them as just that - extended family, not really someone I’d trust like a parent. I learned from them but it wasn’t…dunno, personal?
But other than that, I fully agree that children need more than just parents.
I do not agree that parental figures don’t matter. There is a bond between parents and children that is simply special - however, parents don’t have to be bio parents. Insert screenshot from the post, where one of kid’s parental figures got filled in by an “outsider”.
I do not agree that parental figures don’t matter. There is a bond between parents and children that is simply special - however, parents don’t have to be bio parents. Insert screenshot from the post, where one of kid’s parental figures got filled in by an “outsider”.
Ok, I think I phrased it the wrong way. I don’t think it’s necessary for a child to have exactly two parents of opposite genders. I think a much healthier way to be brought up is to be parented by a diverse group of people (maybe 5-10), each with their own identities, interests, and skills to learn from.
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Parents are key in bringing other trustworthy adults in their kids life. Not having a father or a mother will greatly reduce these opportunities as the life of a single parent is significantly harder and leave less time for socializing with other parents, thus reducing the interactions their kids have with other adults.
This is just how the societal structure works nowadays due to atomization, the death of extended family and the local community.
Before all that happened, people actually interacted with their close neighbors (who were also often family members) on the daily, forged relationships and trust with them. It wasn’t a question of “bringing trustworthy adults into a child’s life”, it was actually “bringing a child into an already existing close-knit community”. Common everyday tasks (one of them is looking after children) were often shared between community members so that noone got overwhelmed.
Of course there are many benefits to modern societal and tech advances too, it’s a fucking miracle that a single mother can raise a child at all, with little or no family support. 200 years ago the child would be dead or sent off to an orphanage.
I say we should combine the powers of both: bring back the local community to raise children together, and keep the technical progress and societal guardrails we’ve made to make it a lot easier.
I understand what you are saying. There is often a sport role that everyone assumes dads and sons do too.
But part of that is even though we have moved past fixed gender roles our society still has age old things that are going to take time to blend out. For example my dad is a repair/fixit /hunting/fishing /sports guy from that gendered era. As a kid I really disliked team sports, so wed go fishing… Just quality time and quiet reflection.
My mom was art and books, and baking. We had lots of intellectual discussions growing up…about morality, ethics etc. Quality time with my mom was her showing me how to sew, or sharing art.
The male role model, is showing positive influence…rather than negative toxic violence or fist fighting, etc. So that can still be hanging out fishing with a man…it doesn’t have to be hangingout with dad and knitting.
Humans naturally try to mimic other people that are like them in their environment. Can boys become happy and decent humans without a male role model? Absolutely.
However, lots of studies have shown that a lack of good same sex role model usually have a negative impact on young people that lasts into adulthood.
And let’s be real, fathers abandon their children a lot more than mothers, so that affects young boys a lot more than young girls.
lots of studies have shown that a lack of good same sex role model usually have a negative impact on young people
Have they though? How many of these studies are quackery?
And let’s be real, fathers abandon their children a lot more than mothers
Factually true, I didn’t argue girls are equally affected
Yo, also: “a whole generation is missing their fathers and growing up without them”
Why are they trying to prime culture with this “be a dad to everyone, especially the kids without a dad” thing? When clearly most kids have dads in the picture?
Almost like they’re going to die in a war or something.
Even elephants benefit from having older bull elephants around to teach and temper them. Just as his neighbour can’t teach him how to do makeup, his mom can’t teach him how to fix a truck. Both are very unlikely to have the proper experiences for it.
Let’s go torture aome animals, that will teach him something.
Who are you calling yank, you tea slurping, vegamite licking heathen?
I’m a Spaniard lmao
Yank is often a Brit or Commonwealth term, hence the confusion on my end.
I’m Canadian. Calling us yanks earns you a withering stink eye at best, and a ‘Hey, bud…’ if you keep insisting.
I mean, I didnt intend to call you yank in particular, sorry for that. I just assumed that the tweet is yank.
dynamite fishing?
No, with knives. He’s going to throw the boy in there and tell him to catch a fish with the knife in his mouth, then stab it. He’s only allowed to come out of the water with a stabbed fish, just like his own father used to do. Then they’ll take turns stabbing the fish with their matching knives. It’s a true bonding experience…unless the boy doesn’t catch a fish. Then it’s time to teach him about the belt, just like his own father used to do.
oh…
ok.
the hick traditional way
one of my great uncles legit did that to put food on the table lol
And to fill the void they turn to the manosphere. It’s heartbreaking.
For all we know that male role model could also point him to the manosphere.
Fr I take the bear instead
Good point
“Manosphere is because no fishing” is an astonishing take, care to back up the implied “children from single mothers turn to be more misogynistic” claim with some source?
The Manosphere cooked up this bullshit “this generation missed out on real men” post in the first place
I was in foster care. My mom was a druggie alcoholic.
Now, I have 5 kids: 2 girls, and 3 boys.
My oldest, a girl, needed my help. I gave her life advice her mom wouldn’t. My second oldest - a girl - I helped transition. My third, I help him pick dresses and skirts, because he gets embarrassed around his mom. My fourth, we learned our own sign language when he was younger, as he was nonverbal autistic until he was 6. My fifth, his mom and I help him daily though leukemia.
I guess it would be better without me helping them.
Your an ass. Male role models can help, like female role models. My help is different from my wife’s, but it in no way diminishes her contributions.
Everything you’ve done in that regard is extremely commendable and I congratulate you on being a wonderful father!
My intent was not “there can be no good role models who are male”, but rather “I don’t see the need for gendered role models”. You’re a wonderful father not because you’re male, you’re a wonderful father because you’re being awesome to your kiddos!
That’s a real literal interpretation. Lack of healthy male role models in a boy’s life can easily lead to manosphere content. Just look around.
I couldn’t teach a boy to fish but I was lucky to have good role models (men and women born shaped me of course).
Lack of healthy male role models in a boy’s life can easily lead to manosphere content. Just look around.
?? I really don’t get what you mean. Are you suggesting that men without fathers tend to go further into the manosphere? You’re gonna need to back that up somehow
!hopeposting@lemmy.world would enjoy this as well.
That’s awesome… It looks just like the park I used to take my exes kid to to fish in new Mexico
Fishing is a good acid test of how far down the value of animal lives are in almost everyone’s minds. Here we have an activity that’s almost universally seen as something wholesome, when really it’s just a form of super casual, lowkey animal abuse.
Plenty of other nice things to spend time doing on the water, like swimming or kayaking.
I do have to wonder what one gets out of fishing that one can’t get out of birdwatching.
I don’t get dinner by watching birds.
What, you don’t like the thrilling pastime of… *checks notes* waiting, but with occasional cruelty?
Exactly.
But also, kayaking is awesome. Like even from a purely recreational perspective, why do so many choose to fish when they could be kayaking?
Why choose? I often fish from a kayak, even hunt ducks and geese on the water in one.
Because all of those animals just want to live their lives, and there is no good reason to take that away.
Food is a good reason for a lot of things.
There are plenty of better sources of food.
But fishes don’t look like us, so it’s okay.
That’s what matters right?
/s











