OK hear me out: It should be named after the first European explorer to discover it and popularize the European expansion: Christopher Columbus.
- Like its namesake, the nation too is racist, cruel and genocidal. Even the Spanish Catholics were like, damn Christopher!
- Like the largest exporter of cocaíne in South America, it too is full of drugs, and its elections are the plaything of big money cartels and foreign powers.
- It was mostly settled by white people from England.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you your new nation: British Columbia.
Hank D. Hamburgers Electric Freedom Gun-Republic
The Adjacent States of Denial
Stolidus
- It sounds strong and powerful
- It’s Latin, and therefore properly awesome.
- It’s definition is: foolish, absurd, dumb, forceless, powerless
Your first it’s is correct. It is Latin.
Your second it’s should be its. The definition belongs to the word. But to be fair, I typed it correctly, and then just now had to go back and fix the autoincorrection. So that probably happened to you as well.
The Land of the Flee while you still can
Staties McStatyface
Oooh a contest to name the country, most votes wins!
I’ll set up the 1-900 number, just $10 to submit your vote.
Serious answer: the Viking settlers named the land “Vinland” long before Columbus was even born. That name is of Germanic origin, same as the English language, and would be appropriate for settlers of Germanic origin (England, Germany, etc.)
Alternatively, a name in
thea Native American language would be most appropriate given that they were the original inhabitants of the land.they were the original inhabitants of the land.
Nope. Third, apparently, and counting.
The pirates of yore were based on an old fraternity from the 1300s and before, that called this land - no lie - Merica.
Sounds a lot like Finland doesn’t it? I believe if our name is on it then it’s ours!
A name in the Native American language
There is no single native American language. There are over 200 of them, and used to be around 300-400, in 57 different families and over two dozen completely isolated languages (which might not be, but it’s hard to find out). And they’d likely be at the very least somewhat mutually culturally insensitive.
So that might be even more difficult than using English, which at least has the benefit of being popular now.
Vinland is Newfoundland, I’m afraid! It’s not generally thought that the Norse made it as far south in the Americas as the modern day continguous USA
“OKLAHOMA”, but in all caps because it’s big now.
Needs at least two exclamation points on that thing; to properly imply scale. Add an extra one for each of the following territorial acquisitions: Canada and Greenland.
Coming soon, to a map near you: OKLAHOMA!!!
Turtle Island
Hey now, I’m feeling attacked!
To the top with you
Listen. I know you said no wrong answers but unfortunately due to the past few decades of the American Political system, pretty much anything is now effectively accurate. Even such things as:
- The Divided States of America
- McMilitary Industrial Complex
- The Paycheck-to-Paycheck Republic
- Red vs Blue
- Gilded Ruins
- AmeriKKKa
- Walmartistan
- Gunlandia
- Yeehaw Reich
- Methlehem
- Debtlandia
- Live, Laugh, Lawsuit
Clown Country
Trade names with the Gulf and become the United States of Mexico.
That’s just Mexico’s actual name
A not-insignificant amount of the USA was Mexico, at one time.
There’s nothing united about it, other than maybe hatred towards minorities
other than maybe hatred towards minorities
dissents
There are
dozensthousands of us!
New New Mexico and Old New Mexico
South Canada
Given the religious fervor throughout its history, how about naming it after an ancient biblical region?
Transjordan?
Wait. Shit, that won’t work, even Jordan’s gone woke. Maybe something else in the region?
OH! How about Gilead!?
Except Transjordan isn’t biblical. It’s the region of Palestine that became The Kingdom of Jordan. As opposed to Cisjordan, which is the region that became Israel and the present Palestine.
But I don’t think we’re allowed to say cis anymore. /s
Except Transjordan isn’t biblical
I know, but when I Googled to confirm the name of the country in Handmaid’s Tale, I noticed the real Gilead was in Transjordan, saw a joke opportunity sitting there, and that was the smoothest I could work it in. I’m open to workshopping it.
Brawndoland
President Camacho would be a marked improvement.
United States of Lee (after General Robert Lee)
New motto
All For Me and None For Thee
Hey now - why go with Lee when you could go with Forrest and celebrate the first leader of the KKK.
Also, much better statutes.
Never fight uphill, me boys!
