cross-posted from: https://sh.itjust.works/post/28088684
Here’s Why I Decided To Buy ‘InfoWars’ By Bryce P. Tetraeder, Global Tetrahedron CEO ☞ https://theonion.com/heres-why-i-decided-to-buy-infowars/
And let me say, I really do see it as a family. Much like family members, our brands are abstract nodes of wealth, interchangeable assets for their patriarch to absorb and discard according to the opaque whims of the market. And just like family members, our brands regard one another with mutual suspicion and malice.
🤣
Well they dont have to do anything for the second part.
Holy crap. It’s like they were reading the hive minds here yesterday. Crazy.
Genius move from the Onion.
They’re going to release completely absurd and hilarious conspiracy theories and the regular followers of InfoWars who didn’t know about the change of ownership won’t even see the difference.
They start selling dick pills that are slightly larger every month until they are the size of a bar of soap. Anyone who complains is told they aren’t ‘man’ enough to take their dick pills.
“Potatoes are source of smelly alien goo, if left in back of pantry unattended for 3 months”
“I FUCKING KNEW IT!!!”
Conspiracy crap tends to be pretty absurd as it is. Comping up with writings that surpass that level of stupidity and insanity is not a trivial task. Hats off to anyone who can come up with anything that competes with lizard people or flat earth fantasies.
Birds: Are they real?
Forget the second shooter theory, the real conspiracy was that there was a second JFK. The one you saw die was just a lab grown clone.
JFK’s head just did that
This is the best news I have heard lately.
They’re dated no? Infowars and the onion?
The Onion got new owners earlier this year, and they seem serious about making it a sharp and relevant publication
Good luck to them! A barrier to overcome
“Dear Onion readers. We here at the Onion can take pride in releasing regular quality absurdist humor in the form of satire news. In recent years real life events have pushed the boundries of absurdism. We’d recently published such articles as ‘Thanksgiving politics ends in nine year old comitting manslaughter’ to which 3 years later would seem less of absurdism, and more of a thing that actually happened. What we’re trying to say is, we would just love it if the real world could just stop being so stupid. We are trying to create dumb articles which rely on the concept of presenting a perspective that lowers the bar. How are we supposed to do that when the now president elect was seen for months spouting off the dumbest bullshit? I mean really America…eating cats and dogs? Maybe the boomers were right. Maybe marijuanna SHOULD be illegal. With rise of legal weed, you all clearly voted while high. How are we supposed to lower the bar of intelligence, when we’re limboing underground?”
This is how I’d write the next Onion article.
I mean the Onion was overshadowed only because real life went off the rails and became a parody of itself.
The onion was overshadowed because it stuck to an old media style and had a clunky adaptation to the internet. They’ve got good content now with things like Click Hole and some YouTube content but it was many many years of trying to be an online newspaper and nothing else. The saving grace of The Onion and why it’s able to come back as strong as it has been is that it’s the holy grail for comedy writers so it still gets the best writers in the business.
yeah the jokes were already pre-written and delivered. there was no commentary to make. no twists or turns to point out the absurdity as the real news was already bonkers
This is an excellent way for both to become suddenly relevant.
I already thought it was very stupid, but I look forward to it now also being funny and not just sad and pathetic.
50% there!
