• Fugtig Fisk@feddit.dk
    3542·
    3 months ago

    Dear linux users. Is it a red flag if she is active in a Catholic Dating group?

    Edit:. and that she is still on reddit?

    • Barbarian@sh.itjust.works
      1413·
      3 months ago

      But seriously, are there really women who talk about men in those terms?

      Yes. Personally, I see it as the mirror image of the “tradwife” thing where toxic men see their partner as a subservient maid. Seeing men as primarily an income source comes from a similar place imho.

      • sp3ctr4l@lemmy.zip
        122·
        3 months ago

        Yep, they’ve been called ‘gold diggers’, for quite a while now.

        There is still a huge portion of American women across the political spectrum, across wealth classes, across religious or irreligious beliefs, who ultimately have a huge part of what they want in a partner be ‘how much stuff can he buy me’, who will bully or shame or guilt trip or emasculate or outright violently abuse their male partner, regardless of how hypocritical this is with their other espoused beliefs, to get them to pay for things for them or cover their debts.

        Just get on tiktok or instagram, you basically can’t miss it.

        Its more than just the opposite number of conservative tradwives. There are plenty of self described liberal or leftist, feminists or social activists of one kind or another that ultimately still want their male partners to provide far more for them than they provide for their partner.

      • Wanderer@lemm.ee
        21·
        3 months ago

        I don’t think that’s a fair comparison as Nerd is usually seen as a negative trait, where having good traditional traits is seen as a positive.

        It’s taking a nerd and using that negativity despite not liking it to exploit gain.

        Where as having traditional wife is choose a positive because you like that positive.

    • fmstrat@lemmy.nowsci.comEnglish
      251·
      3 months ago

      You have never opened the box of “Female Dating Strategy”. Welcome to the world of “low value males”

      • Got_Bent@lemmy.world
        17·
        3 months ago

        Just looked through some of that stuff. Holy hell, it would be easier to be seen as without sin through the eyes of an angry old testament God than it would be to be seen as worthy of dating from that crowd. And that’s fine, because I would want less than zero to do with it.

        (Assuming it’s real. Who knows? Could be a bunch of neckbeards cosplaying, but if I’ve learned anything in life, it’s that there are shitty shitty men in this world, and that there are equally shitty shitty women in this world)

    • VeganPizza69 Ⓥ@lemmy.world
      151·
      3 months ago

      The “trad wives” (traditionalist / paleoconservative middle class women who believe that their religion is good for women) are looking for a husband in the traditional sense, a type of business owner / patriarch who owns them and provides for them; see: husbandry. That’s so that they can produce a lot of offspring while pretending that raising kids in near or full homeschooling is a good thing and she’s very successful (culturally).

      They’re the homologues of incels and traditionalist bros who want to be rich so that they maintain some informal harem. And they deserve each other.

    • andrew_bidlaw@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
      13·
      3 months ago

      Yeah, and we shouldn’t suppose women can’t degrade as much as men, that’s unfair. r/femaledatingstrategy had an overblown fame for being a femcel den before it got banned, you can read on them in the media. But you can discover more than that on chan-boards, as they are probably the origin of a lingvo natural to this discourse. Just like with in incels, there’s a typology of women and men adapted to biological and social context a typical ciswoman is in.

      As for IRL, I’ve heard such terms only as a joke, but that means there’s some penetration into higher net.

    • psmgx@lemmy.world
      83·
      3 months ago

      Every gold digger ever. Books about it, subreddits. You been living under a rock? Literally, good how to marry a rich man, and there will be digital or printed guidebooks

    • xttweaponttx@sh.itjust.works
      2·
      3 months ago

      Idahoan here - yeah coming from a fairly mormon-laden family tree (and community), it’s pretty common around here. And like others said it typically goes both ways - the guys treat it like the gals are helpless without a man to carry the income. This place is fucking backwards and culturally prehistoric.

      Don’t even get me started on the bigotry & maltreatment towards trans/gay folks. If there were a progress bar for moving toward healthy / compassionate behavior towards those groups this place would be at fucking 0%, genuinely. Obscenely disrespectful.

    • LustyArgonian@lemmy.worldEnglish
      87·
      3 months ago

      Lol this whole thread is so funny to me, as someone who regularly dates millionaires.

      Ya’ll are not a cash cow. Don’t worry, real gold diggers go after gold. You’re safe from gold diggers. That of course does not make you immune from financial abuse but that’s different than gold digging.

      Second, these dating forums are all roleplay. There’s a pretty big chance those are men role-playing as the greedy women of their stupid nightmares. No woman ever gets in proximity to a man only based on money. The idea is laughable to women. Even full service sex workers decline men and have actual correspondences with each other blacklisting men in the area to keep everyone safe. No woman ONLY cares about the money. They can’t afford to. However, men engaging with other men think like that because they don’t have to worry about the risk of violence as much. That’s why I think this is probably roleplay.

      Third, I hear men talking about their potential future wives like this all the time, including financially, if they’d date a fat girl, if they’d date a girl who doesn’t do oral, etc etc etc. Even if women are doing this, men do it too (and i bet you never called it out). Marriage is a contract that ties finances together so it matters. Personally, I’m never getting married but for those who do, it can really affect their ability to get housing or other stuff. It’s a sad feature of capitalism.

      And yes, capitalists gain a lot from this structure. They fish for sex workers in every industry, including modeling. This causes women to br traded like commodities and so the most valuable women per their standards they can eugenics into their line, will be the one they marry. A lot of men’s attraction for women is just based on how valuable she is as a human commodity. This is why “objectification” gets brought up so much.

      https://youtu.be/3n-yU_BpA4M?si=-CwuVC_45nn5vKUD

      Last, the above is the attitude of real gold diggers, which is open and frankly discussed with their actual source of gold. It is not financial abuse and to be clear financial abuse is wrong - it is instead a negotiation so that she can live at the same comfort level as him and enjoy her life. No rich man is confused about this. Most would be kinda embarrassed to not take care of her, like going to a fancy restaurant and she orders a small appetizer+water in her budget while he gets a wine tasting and a steak just makes him look bad. That’s how I know none of you are actually near this lifestyle, because you don’t innately understand this.

      Again, I am not getting married, I’m never having kids, and I’m poly; I demand these aspects specifically to bypass the interpersonal dynamic of me being treated as a commodity, and instead this forces my partners and myself to love in the moment, to actively choose each other, and to give resources freely and not coerced through a contract.

    • psmgx@lemmy.world
      226·
      3 months ago

      The messiest polycule breakup / explosion was a bunch of autistic IT workers around the DC area. Sub Dom drama plus one dude fucked his pesudo-girlfriends sister.

      I’d just got back from working overseas and was renting a room in their house. Just kinda watching the whole thing burn. While getting back to normal.

      • LustyArgonian@lemmy.worldEnglish
        218·
        3 months ago

        Being poly doesn’t make relationships less real, how ignorant. She wasn’t a pseudogirlfriend. He was also a real piece of shit.

        • davidagain@lemmy.world
          1·
          3 months ago

          If he’s poly and and she’s poly and everyone knew everything, is it still awful of him to have sex with her sister? Seems like it’s OK if it’s OK with everyone, even if other people find it gross?

          • LustyArgonian@lemmy.worldEnglish
            3·
            3 months ago

            Why do people think poly=no boundaries?

            I know of very very few poly people who would be okay with that. And even if they were, poly requires open communication, and he did it behind her back (which we know she wasn’t okay with it because it ended their relationship). So a double whammy.

            Highly recommend the book Opening Up to understand how many different types of poly there are and what they might look like.

            • davidagain@lemmy.world
              3·
              3 months ago

              Sorry, I didn’t mean to cause offence at all, I just assumed that in a poly relationships the boundaries were open for negotiation, and that like you say open communication would be key. I didn’t know he went behind her back, I know nothing about this story other than what I read on this thread.

              I get that in a conventional relationship, leaving someone for their best friend or their sibling would be a particularly heinous betrayal, but didn’t assume that that would be the same for someone in a poly relationship. I didn’t mean to offend anyone by asking and I apologise for any and all offence caused.

              • LustyArgonian@lemmy.worldEnglish
                2·
                3 months ago

                I get that and I appreciate how respectful you’re being. I think we can tell by the subtext that it wasn’t okay to sleep with her sister (they broke up over this, after all)… and also that is kinda soft incest (to share a sex partner between siblings) so majority of poly people in the west would really not be okay with it due to social norms.

      • Tja@programming.dev
        3·
        3 months ago

        Definitely should check your future wife’s whole online comment history, just to be safe.

        • douglasg14b@lemmy.world
          2·
          3 months ago

          My current spouse and I have full transparency with each other about our socials :)

          It just organically happened over many years. There is no distrust if we’re on each other’s phones, and we respect stated boundaries.

          It’s nice.

    • TheFrirish
      131·
      3 months ago

      Wait until you see femaledatingstrategy then.

  • rustydrd@sh.itjust.works
    64·
    3 months ago

    Nerds fix stuff around the house? Girl, I couldn’t even repair that plumbing if I wanted to. This is a job for a professional.

    • Skullgrid@lemmy.world
      34·
      3 months ago

      Nerd here that was EXTREMELY disappointed in losing the opportunity to own a house.

      I wanted to get into the home electronics/plumbing stuff. Although to be honest, I am less keen on the plumbing since it’s a wet mess.

      • abbadon420@lemm.ee
        21·
        3 months ago

        It could be even worse. Some needs enjoy to learn things, anything. Doesn’t,t matter if it’s NixOs or plastering.

        • zalgotext@sh.itjust.works
          11·
          3 months ago

          This is me. Software developer by day, endless diyer and hobby starter by night (at least on nights when I’m not dissociating on the couch)

    • PlexSheep@infosec.pub
      15·
      3 months ago

      Let’s not monopolize the word nerds for us computer nerds. There are also engineering nerds for example, the guys that have 2 3d printers, 3 CNC machines, and a few industrial robot arms in their garage so that they can build the tiniest bike ever.

      Nerds of all sciences unite!

    • Lupec@lemm.ee
      10·
      3 months ago

      It says a lot that when I read that my first thought was “oh so like keeping the self hosted services running and whatnot” for a second 😅

  • robinj1995@feddit.nl
    622·
    3 months ago

    Apparently, Catholic dating is all about money

    Usually what they actually mean by “strong family values”

      • LordPassionFruit@lemm.ee
        12·
        3 months ago

        I grew up Catholic, and (at least here, Catholicism is a really big place) it’s not so much “he has money” as it is “he will bring stability.”

        The second commenter’s “cash cow” comment is a bit of an outlier in my experience, because usually the highlights of dating a nerd are more akin to the second comment. They’ll be an active father and attentive husband, and they’re less likely to cheat (in their view). I’ve also heard things like this about D&D/Warhammer players, because they use their imagination alot (making them good at entertaining children) and the hobbies take a lot of focus (meaning they’ll be willing and able to tackle problems that arise).

        Older catholics are used to men whose only role in the family is “produce baby and produce money”, so a lot of modern dating advice is in the guise of “make sure he’s a good man before you marry him”

      • 0x4E4F@sh.itjust.worksOPEnglish
        137·
        3 months ago

        Because most people nowadays see everything as a transaction, including “love”. You really can’t expect anything else in a society that sees everything through the prism of money.

        • Burn_The_Right@lemmy.world
          5·
          3 months ago

          Because most people nowadays see everything as a transaction

          Because most people conservatives nowadays see everything as a transaction

          FTFY

            • Burn_The_Right@lemmy.world
              8·
              3 months ago

              Define “liberal”. Many liberals these days are conservative rather than progressive, so I won’t disagree with your statement.

              Conservatives are not able to experience empathy for anyone outside of their in-group, so they tend to see every interaction with “others” as transactional.

              Conservatism is a vile plague of inhumanity, oppression and death and should be treated as such. It is due for a cure.

              • Jarix@lemmy.world
                3·
                3 months ago

                Conservatism is a vile plague of inhumanity, oppression and death and should be treated as such. It is due for a cure.

                And yet they seem to be the majority, or close to it. So one has to ask, why is that so many people turn to it. It has to give them value. And is that value real or perceived.

                For some it is very real, usually the exceptionally wealthy. Which means conservatism is profitable.

                Not having empathy for anyone outside of your in group would make it easy to dismiss or justify the fact that the first rule of capitalism is find a weakness and exploit it

                • 0x4E4F@sh.itjust.worksOPEnglish
                  3·
                  3 months ago

                  Conservativism and Capitalism are closely tied. They both profit from people’s weaknesses and flaws.

        • WldFyre@lemm.ee
          3·
          3 months ago

          But more so that Catholics and other fundamentalists expect the man to be the provider, and largely base the worth of the man on how much money he makes. If you think that’s gross and demeaning, then don’t fucking date Catholics lol

          • 0x4E4F@sh.itjust.worksOPEnglish
            23·
            3 months ago

            Really? I thought Catholicism was about Jesus, sharing, caring, love… guess I was wrong… who would have thought that a religion that is allegedly supposed to spread piece and love, would be all about money, huh 🤔.

            • WldFyre@lemm.ee
              1·
              3 months ago

              When has Catholicism never been about money? They literally have codified paying your way into heaven for nearly 2000 years with “indulgences” lol

              It’s like one of the most blatant examples of a corrupt religion being used to control and siphon money from people, it has one of the most well documented, terrible histories.

    • sailingbythelee@lemmy.world
      27·
      3 months ago

      These girls are old school. You make the money, they pump out the children. They don’t believe in birth control or abortion, so if you want to maximize your reproductive fitness, you could do worse than a Catholic girl.

  • thedirtyknapkin@lemmy.world
    442·
    3 months ago

    anyone who picks at every little thing a partner or potential partner does by requiring the Internet to approve it is toxic as hell. asking the Internet if a behavior that doesn’t effect you is a red flag is a massive red flag.

    • beirdobaggins@lemmy.world
      141·
      3 months ago

      TBF, if a potential partner is super excited about something you never heard of, looking into it is a good thing.

      Conservatives, and other assholes, are good about hiding their crazy behind seemingly innocent things, like pepe the frog.

        • davidagain@lemmy.world
          1·
          3 months ago

          I misread that as “Where are the leftist Pope fans at?” and thought Europe, but then I realised my mistake.

      • Liz@midwest.socialEnglish
        21·
        3 months ago

        But why would your question be “is this bad?” Just learn a little about it and decide for yourself.

      • thedirtyknapkin@lemmy.world
        21·
        3 months ago

        i mean, it’s more about letting the Internet decide for them. a person that is so incapable of making their own assessments that they have to ask a random mob permission to date another isn’t going to be a good person to date. didn’t be or date someone that would trust random Internet weirdos who collectively have an incredibly awful track record of giving advice over just talking about it or doing some reading.