You know, like “always split on 18,” or “having kids is the most rewarding thing you can do in life.”
What’s that one bit of advice you got from a trusted friend that you know deep, deep down would just ruin your thing?
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“Choose a job you love and you will never have to work a day in your life.”
or
“Do what you’re passionate about.”
Just no. Most things I like don’t pay well and I started to resent the others while doing them professionally. Turning your hobby into your job is like setting your favorite song as your alarm. That’s my experience at least.
Turning your hobby into your job is like setting your favorite song as your alarm.
That’s an excellent analogy, I’m going to steal it
I used to love computers and technology. Now I get an idea about something I want to do, regurgitate a bit, shudder, and quickly throw that idea on the shelf.
I can’t even stand looking at the inside of a computer these days. It was 3/4 of my personality when I was younger.
That analogy is perfect.
I love my job, I really do, but I wouldn’t do it as a hobby. I don’t think it’s so much advice about making your hobbies a career, as it is about finding work you enjoy.
Video games, skateboarding, riding a motorcycle, all things I love, but no way I’d try to make a living at any of them.
Same. I used to do something similar to my job as a hobby but now I just don’t get on my actual computer outside of work unless I’m playing a game.
I tried building guitars for others but found that I don’t like doing things to other people’s specs. So I still build for myself. Plus video games, motorcycles, playing guitar, tabletop games, and one rotating flavor of the month hobby.
I think you and I would be friends.
Yeah, I think that a lot of people misinterpret this since “turn hobby into job” seems to be the only way people think about it.
I like cars and work in the automotive industry, and very much enjoy what I do. I also enjoy working on cars and other mechanical things as hobbies, but would absolutely loathe being a professional mechanic or technician. There’s enough separation between what I do for fun and what I do for work that it won’t sour my hobbies, but also enough overlap that my passion for my hobbies makes work far more enjoyable.
It depends, really. I turned my hobby into a profession and I am mostly happy. I lost a hobby, absolutely. I don’t practice my craft much anymore outside of work, but I do have a job I really like. And I found new hobbies over the years. But yes, I did loose a hobby.
Yep.
Doing the thing you love, as your work, is a surefire way to hate the thing you once loved.
cause a lot of that love was born from the freedom to engage with it, and the escapism that it gave you.
Both of which completely disappear if you have to do it 9-5 or starve.
But like everything, theres always the exception. There are people out there, 9-5ing every day for 30 years the thing they love with no burnout… and they are usually the ones held up as examples, not the 100,000 other people who tried it, burnt out, and hated everything.
I’m doing what I love as my career, but it was a hard road to get here. I started off out of high school as a professional photographer, never charged enough, didn’t know how to run a business, got burnt out, didn’t touch a camera for a few years, then after some desk jobs, realized photography was the only career for me. I decided to do it right this time, took business courses and prayed I didn’t end up hating it again. It’s worked out for me so far.
Couldn’t agree more. I decided to become a chef as my career of choice after school, cause I liked cooking. Can’t remember me cooking at home once in the three years of my training and the year I worked the job afterwards. Now I love it again and cook (almost) exclusively for my wife and me.
Liking your job is cool but making your hobby your job and still keeping it as a hobby works out for a very small minority of people. For most it either destroys your hobby or you start resenting yout job.
“Do what you are passionate about”/" Choose a job that you love …" and
“Turning a hobby into a job”
is two different things for me.
For me anyone should try to find a job they are passionate about if it’s a possibility.
I love Space, when I started my engineering degree I did everything I could to orient my career toward aerospace and I loved it. I worked as an aerospace manufacturing engineer and I was good at it because I loved that.
I also love cooking but clearly I’m glad I did not tried to become a chef, I’m very happy that it stayed a hobby.
I don’t disagree necessarily, those are two different things in theory. However, my hobbies more or less cover everything I’m passionate about. At least the things I know I’m passionate about. Since most high paying jobs require certain degrees or years of training, and I’m also passionate about not starving, I could not actually try a lot of professions and therefore choosing something I liked recreationally was kinda implied, I thought.
“Just be yourself”
Ask any neurodivergent person how that goes.
We mask because we are often punished for being ourselves most of the time.
Can relate, when I start infodumping or talking in depth about stuff I enjoy I can see their eyes glaze over and they want to leave.
i mean, if its any comfort, my eyes glaze over and I want to leave anytime anyone even starts to talk to me, cause I cant stand social interaction, much less having to look at peoples faces to show i’m “engaged”
Why would this give anyone comfort?
It may give comfort to someone feeling socially rejected because, knowing that’s something that happens, they may now re-evaluate their previous experience as not having been rejected for having themselves especifically, but because the person they were talking to was dying inside out of their own inertia.
As a religious trans person, it’s deeply insulting how many anti-trans religious authorities say things like “don’t let the world tell you who you are, trust in the voice of God in your own heart” or something, and then go all surprised Pikachu when I’m still trans afterwards.
See also: “Just do (whatever task you’re struggling with).”
As if it’s as easy as that for everyone.
I told my mum once that I hate washing the dishes.
“Just wash up!” was the response. Yeah, cheers, mum. Didn’t think of that one.
Growing up I was constantly told to try to be like someone else, because I’m too weird.
It depends with whom you are yourself with. If you’re with other neurodivergent people, absolutely just be yourself, that tends to work well a lot of the time, at least in my experience.
I wasnt diagnosed with ADHD until I was in my 30s. By that time, masking had long since been instinctive to protect myself from other people. I have to feel very very safe around someone before I feel comfortable enough to start unmasking a bit because of the heinous things people did to me. That is what 30 years of trauma and abuse does and you do not fix that in an instant.
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
No it doesn’t. In most cases, you’re now weaker.
What doesnt kill you now may still be a contributing factor later down the road.
Right?! What doesn’t kill you may almost kill you.
What doesn’t kill you mutates and tries again.
It does make you wiser. You may learn how to better deal with your emotions or feelings. Or how to avoid the situation in the future.
Nah, usually just more trauma after a certain point, if its anywhere near even the hyperbolic description of “Kill.”
I’ve been through enough. A mild to moderate amount of life challenges will be plenty going forward.
Yeah, it’s really best to learn by observation than direct pain lol, but some of us are too stubborn for that.
Yeah, Where can I hit the buzzer to denote I’m done.
I’ve been through enough already, cut it the fuck out. I dont need more. If it made me stronger I’d already beat the hulk in fucking arm wrestling at this point.
Yeah, people forget that it’s a very specific type of experience for a specific type of person where this saying actually works. Like overcoming a fear by facing it head-on is great for some people and a source of further trauma for others.
Yeah, that saying is so dumb. Like people never heard about polio or these days long COVID.
Always give 110%, and one day your boss will notice and give you the promotion you deserve.
20% of your effort produces 80% of your results, so giving 40% effort at work should be plenty. Don’t even half ass it.
Professionals are consistent and businesses are risk averse. It’s easier and more valued to be reliable. Learning to do enough is an important skill.
A lot of the advice in this thread is situationally good but this… is essentially universally bad advice.
I read some advice that loud work is the only type that is noticed and I can’t help but think with my experience in industry that that’s 100% right. It really doesn’t matter how hard you worked on something or how good it is in most cases, it only matters how many people know you did a thing.
“Bring your authentic self to work”
Was pretty prevalent in tech for a while. Fuck no I’m not doing that.
I have worked in the same office for 22 years, no one knows my birthday, what my hobbies are or where I live other than “downtown”. There is work me and then the real me and never the twain shall meet.
You sound like me. Do you want to not hang out sometime?
Sign me up for the not hanging out club!
I won’t hang out either.
You guys mind if I don’t tag along?
Can I join too?
I will say I’ll be there, but I’m also going to cancel.
Absolutely! ☺
Rosa from Brooklyn 99?
Ha! I love it!
Fair. I do that with most coworkers. I have one maybe two I consider friends and we do stuff outside if work. Those are the people that know me. Everyone else knows the work version of me.
This is sadly very true. Keep most of your coworkers, especially bosses, on a low information diet. It’s like dealing with the police. Some of them will try to use anything you say against you in the court of HR.
This is not to say you can’t make any friends at work. Just be very careful in who you pick. Make sure the person is trustworthy (and you know as much about them as they know about you).
Hell yeah. I only told my boss about my adhd diagnosis in case I need to use that as leverage some day. Otherwise I’m basically a mystery.
“A George divided against itself cannot stand”
If you don’t succeed, try and try again.
It leaves out the steps where you figure out why you think you failed the first time so trying again with a different approach has a chance of success instead of just failing over and over again.
There’s also a good quote about repeating the same thing over and over again being the definition of insanity. Some platitudes are useful
Edit: repeating the same thing and expecting a different outcome. Attributed to Einstein, but who knows
I wake up to my alarm every morning, guess I must be insane.
Edit: wake up every morning hoping to be rested. When I worked evenings and woke up midmorning I did feel rested, but the decent paying jobs around here are 8-5. People.keep telling me I will get used to it, but it has been a couple decades without success.
You expect a different outcome every morning?
I definitely do. This time I will be well rested.
Maybe I should change something…
No. This time will just be different.
Hoping to feel rested, and clearly I don’t since I didn’t include all the words!
You been checked for sleep apnea?
I have sleep apnea and a breathing machine, which helps, but doesn’t solve the issue that trying to adjust my sleep schedule to the normal 8-5 routine on a daily basis results in poor sleep outcomes for me.
My problem is that falling asleep earlier results in poor sleep, if I can even fall asleep.
Think of it as the reverse of someone who always rises early and can’t sleep in or gets terrible sleep when they stay up too late.
I am empathic to your situation. Good luck getting into your rhythm!
That doesn’t mean to do it the exact same way over and over again.
Thats what it literally says, so if you don’t know the context…
Sometimes it is used for changing habits through repetition of the exact same steps when it isn’t possible. Like someone who has trouble falling asleep being told that going to bed the same time every night will just work to fix sleep issues when that doesn’t work for everyone.
As an autistic person who struggles with reading things too literal even I know it just means to not give up. It doesn’t mean to do it the exact same way and expect a difference. People who are reading that way are just being obtuse.
I have no idea how you’d take it so literally, you are just being uncharitable with its meaning. It could mean , oh you struggle sleeping. Have you tried melatonin, have you gone to the doctor, do you shut everything off before bed. Try that, don’t give up! You have to be looking to twist that saying to see it that way.
As someone who has trouble sleeping, I have literally been told by dozens of people that changing a sleep schedule is as simple as setting an alarm to wake up each moring and going to bed at the same time. They have even used this specific saying.
I am not saying that is what I think it means. I am saying that is how a lot of people use and understand it, which is why it is bad advice.
Also, yes I have tried all of those things and they don’t work for me. My body wants to wake up midmorning and decades of trying different approaches hasn’t worked. I am tired all the time except when I take a vacation and get up when I want, which is about 9 a.m. That is also the only time I ever feel rested.
I mean I sometimes take sleeping pills to get some sleep, I’m not arguing about the frustrations of things not working. You having a sleeping disorder or some other issue.
that line is more about. If you fall get back up. If your first painting sucks, that’s okay your next one will be a little bit better.
Some idiots may use it the way but it’s not how it should be used. Though I understand it would be irritating to hear for something like that.
Having a non-sterotypical sleeping pattern is not a disorder, that is insulting and a perpetuation of people who naturally rise earlier being seen as better than those with different sleep patterns.
If a lot of people are using it wrong because they take it literally, then it is bad advice. Better advice would be “If you don’t succeed, consider another approach”.
I said or something else though if you want to be argumentative, insomnia is in-fact a disorder you dork. Why are we talking about sleep for fucks sake. It was used as a broad example and now we are suddenly on this topic? I now see why you take the quote so literally.
“Der klügere gibt nach” which directly translates to “the wiser one gives in” or more or less matches the idiom “it’s better to bend than to break”.
Growing up I heard this a lot and it’s mostly use to silence those who have (well-founded) objections. Took me a while to realize that this leads to us following the stupid because they don’t give in which subsequently makes the wise one the stupid one.
The Idiom is regularly abused and misunderstood. Its about being smart what fights are worth fighting. Often heard by kids from their Patents when they fight over “nothing”
Similarly, if you have kids, being completely authoritarian is a losing strategy.
Yeah, having kids made me realize how important it is to choose my battle.
I prefer being strict on a limited set of important rules and more lenient on the rest rather than trying to do too much and just giving up on everything when i’m exhausted.
Like it’s fine if my two years old is a bit messy on the table and does not finish his plate as long as he’s trying the food and let us have our dinner too in a relative peace.
It’s basically “choose your battles.” Some battles can be won, but only for minimal gain and a lot of effort. So is it really worth fighting, or do you simply concede the loss so you can better spend your limited time and effort elsewhere?
Though the grass may kneel before the slightest breeze, the mighty oak does not bow even to the strongest gale.
“Never give up”.
Sometimes you’re wasting your time and should give up. Better advice would be “decide how much you’re willing to give to this before you start”.
Also see: sunk cost fallacy
“All kids think they are smarter than their parents.” - my father, constantly growing up
What I learned: Never tell anyone else how to think or feel about anything. Anyone that tries to shape your thinking directly is a fool.
Intelligence is like beauty, we don’t have a very good frame of reference to perceive ourselves. Physical beauty is largely measured by the reactions of others. Like beauty, intelligence has many facets. However my favorite measuring stick is curiosity. This is how I overcame my father’s admonition; while curiosity does not guarantee intelligence, an intelligent person is always curious.
Nah… if someone keeps trying to stick a fork in the light socket or tries to hurt other people, I think its pretty justified to try to change the thinking that leads to that behavior.
If someone doesn’t know what a fork and a light socket are and can’t otherwise deduce what they are based on context, maybe it makes sense to stick a fork in a light socket.
Once.
Being curious doesn’t some how prevent you from having common sense
The fact that you dont seem to understand why trying to stop someone from “sticking a fork in a light socket” might be a good idea is concerning.
The concerning part is your idiotic assertions
The response is a purposeful obtuse way to make a binary snide comment. These one comment judgments are tired and just not a good way to grade much. Be more creative at least.
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Just be yourself.
There is a reason people hide who they really are until you get to know them.
Just be yourself! Eww, not like that!
“Ground yourself to be safe with electricity”.
Some people out there seem to treat grounding as a magical means for controlling electricity. Even in so far as it’s true at all, you have to consider the situation and how it might move across your body.
Telling a teenager “enjoy these years, they’re the best ones of your life”.
First, tell that to a teenager undergoing severe depression is the opposite of helpful. Second, you just admitted to leading a shitty life. You got to 20 and the next 50 years were garbage?
Enjoy all of your years. I feel like each decade of my life has had amazing parts, and also shitty parts. They have all been objectively different though. Try to focus on the amazing parts and enjoy them, but also make sure to learn from the shitty parts.
The teenage years have the least responsibility with the most freedom. As you get older and have more responsibilities, it’s normal to look back at the time when you could spend 16 hours straight doing whatever the fuck you wanted as something great.
For a huge amount of people, the teenage years are the years with the most responsibility and the least freedom. You don’t control your health care, your income, your time, or your opportunities in the same way that adults can. Your needs can be neglected and there’s nothing you can do as a teenager.
Other older years aren’t garbage, you just realize the older you get the more the difficulty is turned up. More responsibilities, slower metabolism, less grace for making mistakes or general stupid behavior, and of course sleep injuries. The best thing about getting old is having kids, being exhausted, and sleeping in a weird way one night that causes pain for 7 to 10 days.
I miss when I could eat a box of donuts every day, bench press a cow, and try to flirt with like 10 different girls in the same day. I wouldn’t trade those days for days with my kids and my wife now, but they were objectively great.
All those who say [insert random hardship here] “builds character”. It’s not uncommon for me to respond with “what’s in it for me?”
“be yourself” doesn’t work if your natural self is bad.
You mean the person that got me into this mess in the first place?
I don’t mean to sabotage anything but you can have just one taco
Ehhh it depends. For a work interview or anything professional, you can take it until you make it. But when socializing however you should be yourself.
People can tell when you are trying to be somebody you aren’t, and people are most comfortable around those who are open about who they are.
Anything about god taking you to and through things, or prayer. How’s that working for Ukraine or Gaza or a ton of other places with war, famine, violence, trafficking, etc.? Also, anything that refers to “fighting” cancer or other diseases - too bad your person is gone because they didn’t fight harder.
This reminds me of this story about the concentration camps. “If there is a god they will have to beg for our forgiveness”
They did.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zrFI2gJSuwA&pp=ygUGYmVnZ2lu
Divinity works in mysterious ways…
That isn’t even “good advice that is really bad advice”, that’s just plain bad advice.
Don’t do drugs
Unless they help you
