I’ve seen so many men terrified of anything gay themed. I’ve watched men refuse to be friends with people who didn’t act manly enough. I’ve watched grown-ass men bark “f@gg0+,” every time they saw 2 dudes expressing an interest in one another on TV. Pink Pony Club, I Kissed a Girl, and several other songs are a complete turn-off for them.
I have to ask, what scares you guys? What, sitting in the pit of your stomach, do you feel and think when you see gay things?
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That they would get dehumanized and treated the way they/other men treat gays and women.
I’m pulling this out of my ass, no pun intended, but I’ve always imagined it as homephobes distancing themselves from anything gay, especially being gay and liking gay stuff.
Like as in they would never go to a gay bar with their gay friend even though they platonically like the friend, enjoying dancing and so on. If gay stuff is on TV they have to affirm the mantra “I’m not gay so I don’t like stuff” so they use slurs to reaffirm their stance.
There’s also the thing where people view manly and gay as opposite. They identify as manly so they have to not like gay stuff.
Bottom line, I think they’re insecure about their masculinity, afraid of actually becoming gay or both.
The knowledge that they have thought about sucking dick many times in their life.
Wouldn’t this apply to straight women as well?
No, because it doesn’t scare straight women
I meant: heterosexual men who are scared of gays, because they have thought about sucking dick, must also be scared of straight women (at least of those who actually like sucking dick), by that logic.
I mean, some are.
Think about the details for a second before responding.
Thinking about giving blowjobs isn’t something that scares straight women because that is what they are “supposed to do “. Is scares” straight" men because it “isn’t what they are supposed to do”
I just realized, we had a misunderstanding here.
You were talking about the heterosexual men, who are scared, having thought about sucking dick many times. Thus, they are scared because of their own thoughts.
I thought you meant the gay men had thought about sucking dick many times, and that fact scares the heterosexual men.
And I meant that heterosexual women would have thought about sucking dick as well, thus the heterosexual men must be scared of these women, too.I thought it through, but I misunderstood your comment.
No worries, are you on the spectrum as well? I realised after i submitted the comment that I might have come off like an asshole, I hope you didn’t take that to heart.
Well, I read your first comment as a sincere answer to the OP question, which was somehow directed at people who are actually homophobic, so I had you registered as an asshole anyways. 😉 Should’ve looked at your user’s instance, to see that that is unlikely, but my client doesn’t show that by default and I don’t do background checks before posting one-liner remarks.
Your first sentence came off a bit smug, especially since you couldve read my clarification on another comment I received on that. But it made me wonder, why I’m getting such weird reactions and in light of the misunderstanding it was deserved a bit. So no hard feelings. Good on you for noticing it, and I very much appreciate the apology.
I’m indeed on some kind of spectrum, depends which one you’re talking about, though.
Usually just insecure people who hang around with other insecure people who always need to prove their toxic masculinity to each other. Then others get roped in because you get excluded from the group if you don’t get involved. It’s very tribal and stupid and fortunately it’s getting less and less common amongst younger men.
And obviously religion plays a big part because being gay is sinful in many religions.I suspect a lot of it got worse around the time Christian values became the “default” cultural representation for pop culture in the west.
Themselves.
Nobody is completely heterosexual. They see homosexuality as a weakness because they’ve been taught that it is. So when they feel it, they lash out.
It’s always personal insecurity. Every time. Weak people attack things that are outside their comfort zone, and twice as hard when they see themselves in those uncomfortable things.
I don’t know tbh I feel pretty heterosexual
And you felt the need to comment because?
Probably because you’re trying to claim their identity doesn’t exist?
I suggest reading your own words again, they’re right here. That was a pretty hostile reply from you tbh. Did I say something wrong ?
Sure.
On a second reading, my comment should be completely irrelevant to you if you’re comfortable with who you are.
What do you need to defend?
What… ok… whatever this is, not going to be a part of it. Byby
Attaboy.
This is the real answer
I’m not a homophobe, you can do whatever the hell you want with other consulting adults as far as I’m concerned, but the thought of two men boning is still weird af to me. Like repulsive weird. But I’ve heard a similar thing about hetero intercourse and hetero PDA from a lesbian, so… I don’t think it’s abnormal to feel this way?
Its weird and nasty to think about, until you think of it like a typical relationship. They have to have chemistry, they have to mesh well, and plus it feels gross to imagine 2 people you personally find unattractive banging.
A lot of young gay men that initially think they were straight was because they imagined 2 old burly hairy dudes going at it, and got grossed out by it.
Once you think of it as guys you’re age, similar situations, as the same “type” as women you like is usually when it starts to click for people who previously wouldn’t describe themselves as gay or bi.
I’m scared of appearing to be gay, because i went to school in the 90s. Being gay was the worst thing you could possibly be. If there was any evidence that could potentially point towards you being gay (wearing anything remotely pink. Accidentally listening to a girl band. Getting an ear pierced was trendy but one of the ears meant you’re gay. The pitfalls are endless.)
I want to clarify that I enjoy seeing gay people. It feels like a little victory for mankind. This is a very learned fear. If you’ve never had your ass kicked my multiple people, all of whom could beat you 1v1 anyway, its hard to explain, it gets deeply instilled in you. I know I shouldn’t touch fire. I know I shouldn’t fall from a height. I know I shouldn’t be seen to be possibly gay.
“Haha look at his purple shirt! GAYYY!!!”
Common quote from a guy I used to know
I’m not homophobic anymore, but my father still is & I still remember my backward thinking from my teenage years.
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Anal sex is something I found disgusting. I still have less than 0 interest in it, but I don’t give a flying f. about others doing it, apparently hetero anal it’s extraordinarily popular in my country, to the point that people wouldn’t believe it.
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The smell, as a teenage boy I found the odor of other teenage boys disgusting. Thinking about someone smelling like that touching me or me touching them made me shiver. Now as an adult maybe my nose is worse, or adults just smell better, but I don’t get disgusted by such thoughts anymore.
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The silliest point of them all is that I was afraid of a gay guy hitting on me or even courting me. (I know now it’s ridiculous, but in my defense kids are stupid)
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The most important point of them all is learned behavior, just hate who or what your friends and family hate, the be social within your tribe.
I’ve watched grown-ass men bark “f@gg0+,
Oh yeah, I’ve gotten that a lot myself. (well in my early twenties at least) Mostly as a criticism to my fondness of certain genres of music & romantic movies. The real wakeup call had been actually interacting with openly gay people on a daily basis for a while.
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That they would like it and become gay.
Like someone already said in here,
I would say that the type of people that are “terrified” are the type that are “hyper-competitive”.
They’re extremely status minded and constantly want to tear people down to pull themselves up.
It’s also why they’re disgusted with non-manliness, which is not the same as gay in my opinion.
You can have a manly man who is gay and a girly man who is heterosexual.
Even making fun of acting tough behavior gets them into disgust.
You can’t have fun with these people.I do have to say, before I was in a relationship,
I would get annoyed if mistaken for gay and thus prefer to avoid any confusion.
I consider the dating market to be skewed in favor of women simply by the numbers
and anything to further pull down those chances was the last thing I needed.I was sequestered indoors my entire life. My parents lived in the middle of nowhere, and wouldn’t help me get away from home – tried to get my license several times. I wasn’t allowed to go to other people’s houses. People weren’t allowed to come over – they could be bad influences. My first snowman was at 28 years old. I tried to go to college and they disconnected the Internet mid-semester, because it was Satanic.
School was a battleground of guys terrified to be anywhere near me.
Every time I try and find male friends, it always ends in me not being manly enough. And it’s rattled me to my core. I literally can’t be around men anymore, despite doing numerous home and auto repairs growing up. Wiring shit together, etc. It always ends the same. I’ve always wanted guy friends. I just can’t try anymore.
Which is the reason for the question. Why are grown-ass men afraid of people not being manly enough?
This seems to be less about manliness and more about, you understand feelings and emotions. They’ve been told to stuff that shit down and don’t express it. Ever. They may be more afraid of feelings and emotion than anything.
I’m sorry you’ve been treated this way. There’s nothing wrong with you. I think if a man is scared of gay people it’s because of their own insecurities.
Read “whipping girl” by Julia Serano, she goes into the idea of social stigma driving bigotry
I know this is a semi serious question. But my first thought was “the penis”.
Most people like vaginas. But everybody likes the penis.
Eek!
This made me chuckle in real life. Well done.
I felt a bit of this as a child, it’s just social pressure and anxiety about being outcast. I’d imagine that often being more outspoken about it is from insecurity because someone might actually be gay (or bi) and either not want to admit it to themselves or at least not want anyone to find out.
In many cases it’s also probably some deep hatred of anything that goes against what they consider “right”, but that too ultimately mostly stems from social pressure about honosexuality being seen as “wrong”
I don’t know, the dicks i guess?
“The problem men see with lesbians, is that they do not want to have sex them. But gay men do.”
This phrase is from a book of the early 2000’s, about language, jargon and, in one chapter, prejudice and specifically prejudice on sexuality.
It’s the most destilled explanation I ever found.
I sincerely don’t care about what others want for their life, as long as they are happy and not hurting anyone.
