I thought the position of the church was that if your partner denied you sex over an extended period of time, you are allowed to divorce. Not that you can demand sex from your partner.
You’re entitled to a divorce under any circumstances.
I’m sure there are other reasons for which the church accepts divorce, but I doubt the church accepts divorce under any circumstances.
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The recently popular “Love Languages” was made up by a pastor in order to pressure wives into honoring their husband’s love language of “touch” by not denying them sex.
Wow, I did not know this!
The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate is a 1992 nonfiction book by Baptist pastor Gary Chapman. It outlines five general ways that romantic partners express and experience love, which Chapman calls “love languages”. Empirical evidence does not strongly support its core claims.
And yet it stayed on the NYT Bestsellers list for 297 weeks as of 2013.
Anyway, I would recommend any of the Gottman’s work over Chapman if one is looking for marriage/relationship advice.
Yup, fully agreed.
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Most of them are rapists. But their spouses have been so brainwashed that they cannot realise it.
They need constant wife sex to distract them from the constant thoughts of child sex.
As a pastor I say: amen!
men
Typical…
Any marriage in which one partner is “denying” the other sex, without good cause, shouldn’t continue as a marriage.
I agree with captainlezbian’s and your posts below regarding compromise and compatibility in a sexual relationship, but what you need to realize is that in this context “denying sex” is saying no ever, for any reason outside like extreme medical circumstances. In the culture being criticized by the OP, a wife must serve her husband at all times. They spin it a number of positive-sounding ways to make women complicit in their own oppression, but it comes down to her lacking rights and agency as an individual.
Excuse my young unmarried self, but I use the reason “I don’t feel like it” to not do all sorts of things. Why would sex with my partner be any different?
If it goes on particularly long it can become a “hey, my needs aren’t being met, can we talk this out” situation. Going a long period with your partner not wanting to have sex can fuck with your head even when there’s good reason and sexual incompatibility is a perfectly valid reason to walk away from an otherwise healthy relationship.
But also yes, “I’m not in the mood” is a perfectly valid reason until it hits the point of someone’s needs not being met, and it remains a perfectly valid reason not to have sex after, it’s just that I’ve got no judgment for someone walking away over it when it gets to that.
Having reasons just shifts the needs into a needs vs responsibilities conversation and opens the situation to more sympathy. “I haven’t felt like having sex with you this year” can be kinda devastating and can lead to questions like why and will this be normal. “I’ve been in a depressive episode and not had the mental energy to want sex for this past year” still sucks but it cuts out the fear that it’s something wrong with you and addresses that the situation is ideally temporary. By contrast “I’ve been questioning if I’m asexual because I don’t know if I ever really wanted sex, or just wanted to want it” serves as a very good reason, but one where it becomes clear that this is unlikely to be a temporary situation and allows the other partner the agency to decide if they want to stay in a relationship where sex is either off the table or a rare occurrence or if it’s time to look at the possibility of amicable separation.
It’s a fine reason, if it’s not every day for two weeks running. You make sacrifices for your spouse. Mine likes early morning sex. I hate everything on the planet in the early morning, but I’ll soldier through it almost always for her when she’s horny. She probably isn’t overjoyed while giving me BJs, even though she’s quite good at it, and yet she offers them up pretty regularly.
Toxic as fuck mentality.
No one is entitled to the body of another just because they desire it. People have the responsibility to cope with their own emotions and impulses.
If anyone tells you that you have to sacrifice your boundaries, they are being abusive and manipulative. Fuck that shit.
Bruh. Read what you wrote and take a look in the mirror. You are destined for failure after failure in relationships if you can’t escape from your own ego.
No need for a relationship if there isn’t mutual consent and healthy boundaries. Without those, the relationship was a failure to begin with.
You are talking about marriage, though. If both didn’t agree to it (eg, arranged marriage, or coerced) they should split. If they agreed to it but under different expectations of sex, they should talk it over, and in all likelihood they should split.
He’s not saying sex should be guaranteed, but if people have already taken an agreement the agreement should either mean something, or be anulled, with no specific preference to either.
Marriage doesn’t entitle one to the body of another. It is toxic and manipulative to coerce a partner into giving up access to their body out of some arbitrary social obligation. No one should ever feel obligated to give up their bodily autonomy for another against their will.
He still has his bodily autonomy and is doing things fully consenting. It’s just a small sacrifice, doesn’t mean it isn’t consenting. Besides sex, you should make sacrifices in a relationship, within certain boundaries of course.
Being coerced into capitulating to the demands of another out of a manipulative and abusive social obligation is not the same as consent. Fuck that unhealthy, toxic nonsense.
Respect the boundaries of others. Period.
No, if your relationship demands you sacrifice your boundaries, that is an unhealthy relationship. Partners should respect your boundaries, not ask you to sacrifice them for their comfort. Fuck that.
The body is theirs, that is enough good cause, wtf you thinking? That now that you’re married their autonomy is dependent on your opinion of whether or not you think their decision is justified enough? You don’t seem to know how to love someone else, only how to own a pet
A marriage that stands and falls with sex shouldn’t continue as a marriage.
Luckily there is no such thing in the world as bad cause to deny sex! Literally any reason is good cause. Please tell me a reason you think is not good enough to tell your spouse who loves you that you’re not in the mood to have sex.
