1. You do not exist for others.

• This doesn’t mean “be selfish”. It means “assert yourself as well”.

2. As a corollary to the above, this means you don’t have to fix someone. Indeed you don’t want to fix other people. That’s their job. Your job is to fix yourself.

• Who decides what’s “fixed”? You do. If you’re happy with who you are and how your life is going, you’re “fixed”.

3. As the Stones said: “You can’t always get what you want.” Live with it. Learn from it.
4. Make plans for your life. Coasting aimlessly is neither as liberating nor as fun as it sounds.

• Your plans won’t happen, mind, so also be ready to change those plans. Do you think I planned to find myself living in China for a quarter of a century?!

5. The most important word in the English language is the word “no”. Learn it. Use it.
6. People who think they have a right to your unpaid time and effort are not your friend. Walk away.

• That doesn’t mean don’t do things for people without pay. That means you get to decide what unpaid labour you do. I gladly do things for people I love.

7. Schedule your time. Failure to do so results in stress as you over-commit.

• Don’t forget “down time” and/or “me time” in your schedule. Your batteries need charging.

8. Learn to cook. It saves money and doubles as a creative outlet accessible to almost everybody.
9. Specialize. You can’t be good at everything. Pick one, or if you’re REALLY smart (unlike me), two things that you want to be expert in.

• This doesn’t mean learn only that specialty. It means focus on it.

10. Unless you’re ace, go ahead and be a slut. No, really. Don’t “save yourself” for that “special someone”. Get experience so that when you find that “special someone” you can blow their mind straight out through their souls with your wicked skills at wickedness.
11. Never compare yourself to others for your happiness. No matter how successful you are in life, you will always be able to find someone who has it better. This is a recipe for eternal misery.

• What you should be doing instead is comparing yourself to your past self. This is far healthier.

There is no “the one”, and there is no such thing as a soul mate.

If someone convinces you that they are your soul mate, and you genuinely believe it to be true… how much bad behavior would you put up with? Would you put up with insults? Passive aggressive digs? Resentment? Substance abuse? Physical abuse? What would it take for you to leave your soul mate? How bad would it have to get for you to give up “the one”? You would think that you might say, “well that person clearly isn’t the one”, but maybe this is just a rough patch. Sometimes things can be so good. They make you feel like there could never be a bond like yours, and after years or even a decade, it can be a hard truth to come to terms with.

If you are in a relationship, it’s with another flawed human. There are people who have traits, personalities and temperaments that will be more or less compatible with you. You can think about how that relationship fits or doesn’t fit in your life, what your needs are, and what behavior you will or won’t tolerate. Most importantly, YOU ARE FREE TO LEAVE. If you feel relief when you are alone, and feel a sinking dread when they call or text, you do not owe that person a relationship.

And anyone who threatens suicide if you leave, or says earnestly that they cannot live without you, is not entitled to your life in return. Someone who says that is either bluffing, or just looking for an excuse. You only get so many years of life to waste on misery.

Unless it’s health related, don’t worry about your body. Maybe your legs are short, your weight’s on your belly or you’ve got stretch marks. Nobody worth caring about will give a fuck.

You’re the leading role in your story but a bit player in other people’s. They probably didn’t notice “that thing” and if they did, they probably don’t care.

In bad times remember you’ve survived 100% of your rough times so far. You’re incredibly strong and can survive this too 💪

Somehow, anyhow get an actually decent sexual education and don’t rely on porn or random people on tiktok etc to teach you. Seek out actual qualified educators like sexplanations on youtube.

Don’t try to do it all, and if you do, know that you’re not a failure just because you can’t be good at everything. There aren’t enough hours in the day to be fit and healthy, a good mother and partner, excel in your career, have a clean home, and have a thriving social life. Everyone that tells you you can have all those things either has staff helping them achieving each of those goals or is selling you a lie.

Celebrate your wins.

Learn some self defense.

Miscarriages are more common than you think.

Don’t measure your self worth by immutable externalities. Or internalities for that matter.

• Protect your time and your peace. You don’t always have to say yes to every request or invitation. Get comfortable with saying no and advocate for yourself.
• Prioritize your physical health. Drink a bunch of water, commit to a regular weightlifting regimen, learn about nutrition, count your calories and macros, watch out for saturated fat and limit your sugar, eat a fuckton of protein (1 gram per pound of ideal body weight), make sure you get at least 25 grams of fiber daily, and limit alcohol and caffeine. The goal is to age healthily!
• SUNSCREEN. For godsake use mineral sunscreen with both titanium and zinc. Not because it’ll help keep you looking young (although that is a nice side effect), but because you are pale as fuck and the dermatologist is gonna have to remove a bunch of things from you in your thirties, and you’ll hate the scars.
• Yes you need to floss. No it’s not optional.
• Learn to differentiate between need and want. I need a roof over my head. I want that new eyeshadow palette. Most of your spending should go toward needs, and set aside a small amount for wants. The rest goes in savings (consider that a need too).
• It’s OK to be imperfect, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t strive for perfection.

And

• Be proud of yourself!

Don’t kill yourself to raise the dead. It is not your job to fix anyone or be their mother. A good relationship (platonic or romantic) is about “whole” people sharing their lives, not about any 'halves" completing each other.

Also, go to therapy or counselling if you can afford it. It is worth it!!