Not the richest fastest but probably nice and discreet: electronics repair shop using mending.
Mending is so good, and as a Cantrip you don’t even need to be a practiced caster.
You can’t mend to fix magic smoke problems. Though it would be awesome to run your finger along a cracked screen to repair it
I think you would be able to
You can fix constructs and magical items with it, you can’t put magic back into it though
5 minute $10 screen repairs?
Would have lines around the block.
Why not?
Mend can’t fix magic.
This spell can physically repair a magic item or construct, but the spell can’t restore magic to such an object.
Magic smoke is magic smoke.
Something something simple repairs… DM said no
They’re making a joke, riffing off the “you let the magic smoke out” joke used in hardware repair. The “magic smoke” is when the chip fries and needs to be replaced, and mending can only physically repair magic items.
Mending was my first thought, admittedly because of Harry Potter And The Natural Twenty. D&D munchkin gets mis-summoned into Hogwarts, and spends a few hours every evening doing all the stuff the rules as written say his character can fit into an evening. He’s still incapable of any magic the school teaches, but now he’s got a bag of tricks a mile deep, and his robes look fucking incredible.
Why stop at electronics. I would think just going to a scrapyard and repairing machinery or vehicles back to working condition would be massive.
Take 20$ in scrap and turn into hundreds of dollars by repairing.
It’s got a volume restriction iirc. Like 3ft cube
Can you just do it in segments then?
I never took that cantrip, so not familiar.
Lawful Good:
Foresight to convince the smart, powerful people that they’re making bad decisions, influence them to make better decisions for the world, only use it for enough personal gain to sustain a decent living.
Neutral Good:
Mass Suggestion Convince the dumb powerful people I’m a divine being and they better do as I say, use this power to force positive change amongst the easiest to control masses. Collection plates at churches now go to me.
Chaotic Good:
Gate, Use teleportation to extort billionaires by witnessing their depravity and threatening them with exposure, also portal tech. become Rick Sanchez. Rob swiss banks for fun and profit.
Lawful Evil:
Meteor Swarm: Hold cities hostage for ransom.
Chaotic Evil:
True Polymorph: I’m going to start turning politicians into lizards. For cash I’ll turn random shit into itself but but made out of a different material and auction if off, passing myself off as a great artist of incredible talent.
Edit because I forgot about the money half way through.
I like how as you descend into evil and madness you increasingly discard the “don’t draw attention to yourself” part and with chaotic evil the wealth generation aspect is pretty much forgotten. The progression feels right.
You mixed up ‘chaotic evil’ and ‘chaotic good’
I’m torn between targeting just the worst world leaders or targeting them at random. The end goal would be making every politician understand that a mysterious force WILL turn you into a lizard if you displease it. There will be no indication of what displeases the mysterious force.
If you do it randomly they will all understand that the problem is ‘world leaders’ if you do it based on a ranking system you will have ones who think they are one of the ‘good ones’ and so safe.
But the politicians are already lizard people. You can’t turn them into lizards if they’re already lizards!
Edit because I forgot about the money half way through.
It’s not about the money, it’s about sending a lizard.
To maximise staying under the radar, probably fabricate. You’d not be amazingly rich, but you could establish a decent living with a lot of free time. If you want to be amazingly rich and you squint hard enough at fabricate and what tool proficiency count mean in the modern world you can probably make some bank with a bit of study of chemistry or engineering. Being able to magically create complex drugs or something is going to draw attention though.
Fabricate would work fantastically, and I think you’re underestimating the amount of money you can make with some craftsman stuff.
People will pay a lot for well done custom made stuff. Knives, swords, furniture… all of it is worth a sizable amount once you have any kind of reputation and start taking commissions. I mean thousand dollar chandeliers and multiple thousand dollar tables.
You also can’t use it to create items that ordinarily require a high degree of craftsmanship, such as jewelry, weapons, glass, or armor, unless you have proficiency with the type of artisan’s tools used to craft such objects.
So you’d need to be half-decent at making a thing the hard way, before you can bang one out in ten minutes from a flawless slab of raw metal.
… no, hang on. You only need to be half-decent at using the relevant tools that would make a thing the hard way. So if you take a shop class you can make aerospace-grade parts. Or, less likely to be audited, and making use of the five-foot-cube limits, you can make some lovely garden sculptures for upper-middle-class schmucks.
Stone Shape, same idea. Especially if you use the “up to two hinges and a latch” to make them really, really rude.
Fireball
The answer is always fireball.
Something my buddy always says is “Fireball isn’t the answer. It’s the question. And the answer is always ‘Yes’.” Wise words, i’d figure.
Step 1. Cast foresight
Step 2. Go to Vegas
Step 3. Profit- Get booted from every casino after making a mild amount of money
FTFY
Welcome to GoodBerry, Home of the GoodBerry. can I take your order?
Bring your raspy-sandpappered voice
Not super creative, but distort value would work pretty well. People would think you’re just a really good salesperson.
Until you try to overthrow the kingdom and people start to pay attention to your actual finances and you’re looking at 90+ felonies.
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I won’t try to overthrow the kingdom?
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I sold everything legit. Just because people overpaid doesn’t mean I did anything illegal.
[Edit: I don’t get this reference apparently]
[Edit: oh]
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I get this reference!
I don’t, what is this a reference to?
Trump, if that wasn’t a WHOOSH
Okay yeah I see it now thanks.
Teleport from children’s hospital to children’s hospital casting heal.
DM says no
Fine raise the dead.
There are no healing/resurrection spells on wizard’s spell list
I did not say resurrect did I.
Raise dead is a resurrection spell in dnd
Raise, Animate. At this point it’s all hell broken lose.
Clone. Doesn’t work post-mortem, but if they can last for ~120 days… and if they can’t, there’s always Imprisonment or True Polymorph to keep them alive until the clone body matures.
bro what. they really always had none how could I have missed this.
As with Create Food And Water, spells that do a lot of good and spells that make you rich are not the same thing.
Prestidigidrycleaners.
Seriously though, it’s Locate Animals Or Plants and going truffle-hunting.
The chaotic-neutral answer is Heal, and ending blindness, deafness, and other diseases… sometimes. One in three. You do some faith-healer hokum, make a ton of false promises, and ensure that people get whatever medical care they can. Then you genuinely perform miracles just often enough to leave people wondering. Sometimes treatment works! You never know! Hell, a few people you don’t heal will swear you did.
Druidcraft can probably abuse the hell out of saffron prices.
Disintegration is a six-second lockpick for any door, gate, ATM, or other obstacle to simple burglary.
Dimension Door for bank robbery. Piss easy: pop in, grab as much as you can carry, pop out.
Demiplane allows for proper heists: create door near valuable stuff, put stuff in big empty temporary room, recast spell later to create door in hideout. Anyone mildly clever would figure out how to be allowed near valuable stuff without just teleporting to it. Anyone properly clever would figure out how to have other people move valuable stuff into that arbitrary room. At least you could decorate beforehand to look more legitimate.
The evil answer, for demiplane, is to create traps where you let people die. Anyone inside when the duration ends will be a body to loot when you reconnect in a month.
Geas allows a complicated scam: you sell an ad campaign to some advertising firm, by convincing a few schmucks to act in accordance with your advertisement. None of those people’s money goes to you. Your income comes from the bastard corporation that thinks you’ve unlocked another billion-dollar shadow economy, for their… I dunno, rat-themed child casino and pizzeria? Whatever they’re selling. Just make up some basic Got Milk nonsense and then engage in superliminal advertising the next day. Like that Family Guy bit: Smoke.
Bonus points for the ad thing if you work in Hideous Laughter. That shit’s first-level.
“Magnificent Mansion ghostly servant brothel” is probably not a good way to stay on the down-low.
Speak With Animals --> pet psychic reality TV deal.
Time Stop has obvious abuses. You have 12-30 seconds to do anything besides futz with another another creature or anything they’re wearing / holding.
Unseen Servant is first-level, holy shit. You can get an hour of labor from an invisible humanoid. Any “simple task that a human servant could do.” There’s no explicit one-at-a-time clause, either. Nevermind the crime possibilities: every ten-minute ritual is an hour of sweatshop labor.
then engage in superliminal advertising the next day.
Mage hand and offer ghost handjobs for $1000 per person per handjob
Doesn’t really sound like it wouldn’t draw attention
Who would want to admit that they used their services?
Me. I would. Sounds dope.
(Hi, yes, it’s been 5 months and I felt compelled to write this.)
Prestidigitation, and a residency in Las Vegas. David Copperfield was able to buy a private island, imagine what I could do with real magic!
Suggestion. And then go to Wall Street :)
oh I like you.
Phantasmal Killer, assassin for hire.
Polymorph, make an only fans.
Move Earth, get a job in construction.
Animate Dead, free labor
Magic Missile never misses
Summon monster (fire elemental) free clean power generation
I could go on all day. Having wizard spells would literally make you stupidly rich.
Dude, if I could shape shift for an Onlyfans, I’d give myself a zipper. I’d look sexy and hot, but with a zipper right down my back. i’d ignore all questions about my zipper. I’d use throwaway accounts to drum up drama about the sexy lady zipper. Saying it’s an implant, or that I’m an alien. I wouldn’t even tell the people I’m filming with what the zipper is for, and if they tried to pull it, it would be stuck, and filming would end then. Then one day I’d be Livestreaming to my Simps and my zipper would get caught on something and unzip. I’d come out as a gnome. Not even a cool gnome, like an annoying keebler elf sort of lawn Ignome. My simps would loose their minds realizing that they’ve been jerking off to a gnome in a slut suit. Then I’d go offline that day and start a new account with some other crazy antic.
This is sooo funny I’m adding it to my modern campaign by yesterday
So the first one then, to get rid of the competition?
Eldritch blast + spell sniper for no particular reason
Don’t forget to go metamagic adept so you can cast them without any indication that it is you twice a day! Or multiclass into sorcerer!
Eldritch Blast + Eldritch Spear + Spell Sniper + Distant Spell = 1200ft distance that ignores most cover.
Add Subtle Spell and no one will be the wiser.
True Polymorph is the easiest if we just wanna accrue wealth quickly
Buy some live feeder mice (a small animal that doesn’t involve killing someone’s pet) and transform them into jewelry. True Polymorph has none of the restrictions of Fabricate, so we can create fine jewelry without skill. Turn a mouse into a gold ring or necklace, with a large gemstone embedded into it. Sell it at a pawn shop. Repeat, use different pawn shops, and use Dominate Person with Modify Memory afterwards if theres some law about needing an ID. The dominated person can use theirs, and then you remove the interaction from their memories.
Sell fine jewelry made from mice all you want. Use that cash to buy cows or other massive animals, turn them into gold. We don’t have to worry about how to pass the gold off though, the goal was to accumulate wealth. Use Fabricate to make the cow-gold into rough coins, build a secret dragon’s den.
Of course, if we’re willing to be a little less subtle, True Polymorph is also great for doing some light faith healing, restoring blindness due to injury by transforming them into another person that’s basically identical, or we could make people look like their ideal selves. Not in the bounds of the question though.
True Polymorph still has a duration. Fabricate needs skill with tools… not necessarily in creating the objects being Fabricated… but it does permanently transform stuff into other stuff.
True Polymorph’s duration is “until dispelled” if you concentrate for an hour. (That’s hidden in the spell description.)
So what happens if you turn a cow into gold, machine that gold into things, then cast dispel magic?
Beef jewelry?
Cue that lady Gaga music video.
Glamburger.
Take your upvote and roll initiative.
