Comfortable silence. Learn to appreciate it.
“We still never talk sometimes” - Swanson
Someone quoting him on the internet like this would go against his whole philosophy
Good.
remembers Pulp Fiction scene least that’s what comfortable silence makes me think of, and yes I agree, it’s nice when a couple people can sit down and not feel like they have to say anything.
30 years ago today - some cinemas are marking the anniversary with a showing.
Holy crap I had no idea it was an actual anniversary! I just think in pop culture bits (memes). Neat. I so remember the first time watching it in the early teens, Tarantino can sure write fun random dialogue also sure was fun seeing Travolta be awesome again at the time after the baby movies. Not that I didn’t enjoy Look Who’s Talking,at the time, but who remembers those after Pulp Fiction for Travolta?
Small talk by definition is useless drivel. I don’t build relationships on that…
What if I told you: People who hate small talk only have meaningful relationships. It’s the shallow relationships they lack.
This. This exactly. I’m friends with few people, but I’m very good friends with them.
personally im a firm believer in the shut the fuck up and be quiet camp.
Who cares if you talk. If you have something to talk about, talk about it, if not, don’t it’s that simple.
Yeah, that depends what you mean by small talk. I think you know what you mean, but I’m not sure that we know what you mean.
It would be hell to come home to someone who only wanted to talk about the weather and how those jockstraps are doing.
how those jockstraps are doing
Did you see that ludicrous display last night?
The one where they ran with the ball and they did the thing?
Oh no, they were about to do the thing, but then the opposition, in a shocking display of competence, stopped them from doing the thing and did the thing themselves!
This has been a major setback in the quest to gain possession of the large ornament typically given to the most competent group!
This is definitely taking on a strange planet vibe.
Their premium is they just walk it in
Imagine having a relationship based on talking about the weather today. I talk about things I enjoy talking about. If I don’t have anything to say then quiet is peaceful. 😊
Pretty sure being in a long term relationship means you’ve moved on from small talk a long time ago.
I don’t want to talk with my wife about the weather, we have more important shit to worry about unless we’re literally having to dodge a tornado.
Small talk is for strangers.
Yup. And if we don’t have anything more important to talk about, we’ll just cuddle. Silence is absolutely fine with people you’re comfortable with.
Huh.
Wife and I talk ALL the time about anything and everything, be it the weather, how weather works, of free will exists, the kids, if kids exists, you name it…
Maybe you’re both extroverts?
We’re both introverts, so we’re totally comfortable just sitting next to each other reading different books, or cuddling on a cold winter night. Sometimes we talk about random stuff, but quite often we’re exhausted from dealing with other people but still want that proximity.
If you went outside and the weather was pleasant you’d never mention it to your wife? Never say anything like “have you been outside? It’s so nice today!”
Genuine appreciation for the weather enough to declare it to those around you isn’t small talk. Small talk is generic filler dialogue you do as a formality.
If you’re being that reductive about the definition of small talk then I don’t think small talk exists between couples who have known each other for a long time because you’re just regular talking.
Or from what this post is even if people are missing it just asking how their day was.
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If my partner can’t handle silence, then there’s something seriously wrong. We usually have something to do and if we don’t we just cuddle up. There’s no need for constant noise.
Plan…?
How did everyone take this post to mean that you should only do small talk with your partner and not have deeper conversations?
I think this was written by someone who isn’t comfortable with extended periods of silence with their partner.
My wife and I barely speak or communicate nonverbally for hours sometimes, then talk at great length other times. We always give each other an opportunity to talk about our day or whatever else is important, but we don’t talk about trivial things simply for the sake of talking. We’re comfortable with silence.
Idk I took it more to mean “wow I don’t want to start a deep, thoughtful conversation the moment I get home from work let me relax for a minute” while at the same time still wanting to talk to your partner. But I guess it’s up to reader interpretation and I do seem to be in the minority here.
You’re not alone. I think people might be projecting their own reasons for liking/disliking smalltalk into this tweet.
I just feel like a lot of people here are defining “small talk” as “a conversation that I don’t want to have” rather than any meaningful definition.
I would consider stepping outside in the morning with your partner and stating “oh wow it’s such a nice day today” to be small talk. It’s a conversation without an end goal, sure, but I don’t think it’s as worthless as people are making it out to be.
Yeah, like, obviously if you define it as something like that you don’t like that, but I don’t think that’s how everyone defines it.
My bet is, for the same reason that the post assumes that people who hate smalltalk can’t have a meaningful relationship
And that reason would be?
Yes
There’s likely at least a small correlation between people who dislike small talk and being at least somewhat socially inept.
(This doesn’t mean I’m saying everyone who dislikes small talk is socially inept. That’s not how correlations work.)
I would say it is likely complex. One might also assume for similar simplistic reasons that small talk is primarily used by people who get insecure if someone else isn’t constantly acknowledging their presence by talking with them about something.
Likely neither of those simplistic explanations do the full complexity of social dynamics justice.
I dont know how to make small talk so i just learned to make really good goat noises
You need to change your name to just_an_average_goat
I’d like to be your friend.
I always took it as an early red flag that the person is way too intense and stressful to be around if every conversation has to be a do or die dynamic.
It’s not that it has to be that exciting. Just don’t talk endlessly about shit that doesn’t matter. You bought a new kind of mustard, I don’t need a 20 minute explanation on why. To me, someone who can’t exist without noise, or making noise is a red flag. That being said, early on in the relationship is different because you’re still trying to get to know them.
I’m sorry that’s a red flag. Some of us honestly just want to share what excites us with the person(s) who we are excited to be around.
I agree. I think they’re looking at this wrong or maybe just picked a poor example of what they’re trying to explain. Talking about hobbies and things that excite you isn’t a red flag at all.
That’s it. Hobbies? Interesting musings? Sure. Even how their day was. But nobody is excited enough about mustard to hear about it for that long. Or people who “think out loud” they say something and I’m like “what?” They respond “just thinking out loud” or “talking to the dog” and then get mad at me for not listening to the important stuff because I simply don’t have the time or mental capacity to filter that.
But nobody is excited enough about mustard to hear about it for that long
I think this is different.
The issue is people who can’t read the room. People just blabbing and talking AT someone. That’s not even small talk. That’s just holding someone verbally hostage.
Yes! Thank you! That was a better way to word it.
But nobody is excited enough about mustard to hear about it for that long.
Some people are, but more importantly it’s about sharing your conversation partner’s excitement because you care about them, not the mustard.
(Also, life’s more fun when you let yourself be excited by the mundane. We all die some day.)
Right, but like I pointed out several times, they’re not any more excited about the mustard than I am. They just like hearing themselves talk. And it wasn’t about trying the new one, it was just 20 minutes about why the mustard she used to get wasnt good enough anymore. Like 20 minutes of mustard bashing just to say “I thought I’d like to try a new one”.
they’re not any more excited about the mustard than I am
Obviously they were if they were talking about it for 20 minutes.
Small talk imo is those “feeler” questions. Hows the weather? See that thing on TV? How was traffic? You having the case of the Mondays?
It’s just noise to break the silence. I don’t have patience for it. Speak your intentions.
You wanna talk about your train collection? Do it. That’s not small talk, that’s a topic.
“I had the worse weekend. Can I tell you about it?” Straight to the point with their Intention.
“Did you know there’s a New Mustard based on ancient seeds found in Mongolia?” Real direct intention.
Yup. If my SO and I don’t have anything more urgent to say, we generally talk about upcoming plans, like next year’s vacations, shopping lists, etc. We almost never talk about the weather unless we’re planning to be out in it.
Been together >10 years, small talk is pretty rare and largely reserved for entertaining guests.
I think you’re viewing this wrong. If my friend is a foodie and really excited about their new mustard I’d want to hear them be excited about it and know why they like it.
Not a foodie. A talker.
As a person who doesn’t really like to talk to most people and believe silence is fine… Let us have this do or die conversation.
Then return back to where you came from.
I was here first so no, I’m not going away or to ‘where I cam from’. Especially considering You’re the one who invited yourself here. You seem pretty desperate to have interaction with someone who is fine with small talk. I would have thought you’d catch that drift and go back to where you came… I even left the warning there for you to avoid. I wasn’t exactly hiding it. Small talk isn’t going away. But you can choose to avoid it or cry about it more, fragility.
Uh wut you took this really personally. It was a comment.
You okay?
The only people in real life i have met who have ever complained about small talk were in the context of “i do not care enough about [the people around me] to pay attention to anything [they] say not directly relevant to me/my hyperfocus” and i just realize they’re the “everyone else is an npc” crowd and let them be sulky all the time and hate every social thing they have to do, and I’ll have a fine time chatting with the cashier about her day! These are always the same people who say everyone else is boring, not that they have given anyone the time of day.
Tbh if they see others like that im happy to not give them my time and show interest in them either. All social is give and take on every level and those people are always takers. We’re where we are now because of people who can’t bother to care about the lives of others.
The weird shit in my head is not suitable for public utterance. I can give you engaging statements or appropriate statements, but one statement that is both requires far more effort.
Small talk with strangers, acquaintances, neighbors is draining even when I like those people. Those closest to me do not require appropriate statements, so with them it never feels like small talk.
Did you see that ludicrous display last night?
What was Wenger thinking sending Walcott on that early?
The thing about Arsenal is they always try to walk it in!
