I like sending this to my liberal American friends because I think readings from their own civil religion have a better chance at radicalizing them than my usual rants.
When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
Nice intro, honestly. Good hook. “Hey, we’re gonna go do our own thing, and it’d be rude to not say why, if only for the history books”.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.
Not shabby. Could have been “all people”. And, obviously must acknowledge that he first draft was “pursuit of Property”, since the main point of their whole revolution was a tax dodge for wealthy white landowners.
–That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.
This is downright spicy by modern standards. If I posted this section alone i’d be getting a visit from a three letter agency.
Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed.
Lol, “look we all know the average person would rather just keep suffering than effect meaningful change, but come on guys”
But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.
Wait do they really say “it is their duty to throw off such government”? Wow. They really say “It is their duty to throw off such government”. Can you imagine trying to tell someone that “it is their duty to throw off such government” today? Wild. Me: “It is your right and duty to throw off the shackles of government. You have nothing to lose but your chains.” Them: “Lol no, I love not thinking”.
–Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.
Ok now we’ve established that revolutions are cool and good, let’s get to the meat of why we’re doing it.
He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
Fuckin’ king won’t let us pass local laws that make sense locally. Fuck does he care?
He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.
Any laws we actually do get, he keeps saying “nah hold off enforcing that until review”, which is just shitty behavior.
He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
Any time we try to establish our own representation, they shut us out unless we acknowledge their superiority. Fucking tyrannical bullshit.
He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.
And the bureaucracy, totally impenetrable. Designed to keep us from changing anything.
He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.
Any time we try to assemble (our manly firmness OwO), they shut it down.
He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.
We’re left aimless and unable to self govern, and that’s dangerous for everyone.
He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.
And the king was ANTI-IMMIGRATION!? THE SHEER GALL.
He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.
Wait did they not cover this one already? Did nobody proofread this? I guess this one is saying that the folks being judged should be able to choose their own judges, which sounds pretty cool.
He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
Lol this one’s kind of biting the states now. Went a little hard in the opposite direction. Judges should probably be accountable to someone.
Just gonna slap these three together:
He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.
He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.
He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.
So, yeah, an armed military presence among the populace, that harasses the average person, is like real bad and grounds for a revolution. That’s a thing. It says so in the sacred texts.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:
For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:
Globalism is good and trade should be free (Thomas Jefferson would drive a Chinese EV)
For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:
Really the United States was founded to protect wealthy landowning whites from taxation, a goal it continues to aspire to to this very day
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:
For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences
For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:
Ok so like it was bad that they were told they had certain rights as English citizens, then didn’t have those rights in practice. Lol at the CBP 100-mile constitution-free zone.
For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:
Founders said States Rights? I guess.
For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
Oh ok but it’s not really states rights, it’s more about the people’s right to self-govern.
He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
No respect for the environment. Very rude.
He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.
Conscription is uncool and there should be no draft.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us,
Protests are peaceful until the cops get involved
here's the really racist part
and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
But how is this any different about fear mongering about immigrants at the border?
In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our Brittish brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.
We’ve tried to be friendly, but, well,
We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.
We’re gonna do our own thing and we’re all gonna have to fight for it together.
The end. It’s pretty short. Like, I get it, attention spans aren’t super long and all, but still compelling somebody to read this shouldn’t be too hard.
Now paint it over your rear window
That would steal valuable space from my Reagan print with “Under no pretext should arms and ammunition be surrendered; any attempt to disarm the workers must be frustrated, by force if necessary” on it
