Story

So let’s see what nonsense they’ve made up for this game, shall we?

Hmm… well, I have to hand it to them. This time they’ve managed to come up with a decent sotryline that doesn’t involve the usual golden bananas. Only joking kids! This one’s worse than all the previous efforts put together! I know you probably aren’t expecting a best seller, but wait till you hear this load of rubbish…

Chimpy Controls [which has a picture of the N64 controller]

Arrgh! What is that thing? Which way do I hold it? There are too many buttons… and this wobbly stick-thing feels like it’s broken! I can’t believe players use this silly controller contraption to play games! A good solid joystick and one button is all I’d need!

Cranky’s Special Abilities

Ah, this is where I come in. Let’s face it, the Kongs’ basic abilities are only a pale shadow of my former skills. In order to give them a chance to progress, I will generously let you buy a few of my special potions from time to time in order to make those kids a little less embarrassingly useless. Some abilities can be used anywhere, but others require the use of my pads or barrels with the fate of the appropriate character on them.

Monkey Multiplayer

It’s true, I’m afraid. They’ve gone and included one of those awful multiplayer modes that seem to be all the fashion these days. This means you and some other whippersnappers can huddle round your flickering screen and play a few games that I reckon were thrown in at the last minute and will be average at best. I sure hope I’m in some of them though—I’d just love to whup some of these young wannabes’ behinds!

The Levels

Now where did they put the level I designed? Hmm… I can’t seem to find it. It was called the “Great Girder Grapple” as I remember. Oooh, I must hove spent at least 3 minutes working on it. I even drew them a fancy little picture. Bah! It must have been too good for them. The kids would have refused to play their fancy 3-D levels once they’d gotten o taste of my 2-D girder action! Don’t give up hope though; they might have hidden it somewhere like a priceless gem, hoping that no one will ever find it…

Cranky’s Tips

Tough luck kid. I’ve told to keep my mouth shut, as they want to keep all the good stuff for a money-making strategy guide. I’m sure some of it will appear on that newfangled “internet” thing as well, so I suggest you take a look-see there. You could also ask your friends, assuming of course you’ve got any. If all else fails, you’ll just have to play better.