I don’t want to come off the wrong way, but growing up in an abusive household where sexual abuse was thankfully not around, I often felt, and still feel that people have that expectation of me not to say anything to prevent it from ruining the lives of everyone in the family.
I’ve had people with no relation to my family tell me things like “maybe your parents would have abused you less if you spent more time with them” or “maybe if they hit you more you’d show more respect”.
I’m trans, so different experience, but I wouldn’t be surprised if cis women also had to deal with comments like “well what did you do for him to do that to you?” in regards to domestic violence.
cis women also had to deal with comments like “well what did you do for him to do that to you?” in regards to domestic violence.
Most victims of domestic violence face this kind of scrutiny, not just cis women. I’m including men, trans, enbies, everyone.
There are definitely some circumstances where this rings true that isn’t rape, but rape victims are treated in this way the majority of the time.
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I never had a problem with my parents in terms of abuse, but I have had people tell me that the boys who were bullying me in school just liked me and I should be nicer to them.
This came from teachers, no less. Sometimes even women teachers.
The “don’t make waves” social pressure is one of the most troubling elements of family abuse and violence to me. And it’s so deeply internalized that I wish people were more willing to think twice about what healthy boundaries mean even in the closest families.
I was in a conversation a while back with a man I respected, soft-spoken and gentle by all appearances, who, when the topic (indirectly) came up, insisted that there’s nothing anyone could do that justifies being shunned from a family. Even when pressed, he doubled down on it.
Hearing that made me really uncomfortable and I didn’t figure out exactly why until recently. I don’t interact with the man anymore, but I can only hope it came out of a place of privilege, of never experiencing some of these horrors within his own family, not out of some sense of threat to what he felt entitled to–but I have my doubts.
He dumb
This is a very common element of abuse. It is called DARVO, for:
- Deny the harm or abuse
- Attack the victim and/or victim’s supporters
- Reverse Victim and Offender
Personally, I view DARVO as the defining element of abuse, and what distinguishes it from mere neglect/battery/theft/etc.
Ive heard that trans women like being raped because they ‘dress like that’. As if being a woman means that you automatically exist to be a sex object.
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Do they claim you’re ruining the thief’s life by speaking up? That since you’ve been in and out of your car multiple times, you were asking for your car to be broken into?
Have you read the rules here?
I’m sure that’s totally similar to getting blamed for your own rape.
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Not locking your car doesn’t mean, others were allowed to steal
Actually it does seem to. Police won’t even ‘investigate’ if your car wasn’t locked. Growing up I was always told it’s better to leave it unlocked so you don’t have to replace a door or window over some spare change. Turns out the breaking into a locked vehicle is the only part of the crime that law enforcement cares about. Now I always lock my vehicles because taking things from an unlocked car is apparently not a crime. Anyway, not defending the analogy, just expanding on it.
We get the analogy. What we don’t get is why someone would downplay how victims get blamed in the case of rape.
By the way, have you read the rules of this community?
I have now. I apologize and I’ll see myself out!
sigh
The pattern is so fucking predictable and yet they never seem to see how much it tells on them.
- Women talk about fashion: silence from the manosphere.
- Women talk about travel plans: silence from the manosphere.
- Women talk about music: silence from the manosphere.
- Women talk about movies: silence from the manosphere.
- Women talk about rape: suddenly the manosphere is in the mix and has opinions which simply must be heard to the point that the women only rule is unimportant.
Fucking Hell, guys. Are you really that stupid, or do you think we are?
P.S. The question at the end was rhetorical. That’s one of those questions meant to make you think, not respond.
Any crime against women but especially this one
police violence as well
It’s amazing how y’all don’t jump in on posts about supporting fellow women or stories about women triumphing over adversity or questions about what’s going right in our lives.
It’s always the rape posts that you must chime in on.
Rape posts are the only ones the males can relate to, being the rapists and all
Hey Luanne please dont generalise so heavily
Have you read the rules here?
I have at some point, but didn’t notice in which community this post is. I will block the community so it doesn’t happen again.
False rape accusation is a real crime with real victims. That’s the problem.
Hey look! Another one came out of the woodwork to spout some bullshit.
No one said false accusations aren’t a crime. We’re talking about the prevalence of victim blaming.
Read the rules and get out.
It’s not victim blaming, the post we’re commenting on doesn’t say blame, it says accuse. Because if he says she consented and she says she did not, we know now that one of them has committed a serious crime, but we don’t know who. Both must be treated as suspects.
Did you read the rules?
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Why should she (or anyone else here) read your response if you’re not even supposed to post here?
Yes, and it was ridiculous.
How so?
