I saw a reel by an escort talking about difficulties she had dating. It got me wondering
Have done, it didn’t go well, but the failure of our relationship had nothing to do with her previous work in the sex industry and instead was because of our life expectation differences.
She was pretty attractive, but she expected right out of the gate for whoever she was with taking care of her and providing for her and doing everything where she had to contribute nothing, and I was not willing to do that.
We fizzled out in, like, 90 days.
that just sounds like she was looking for a sugar
daddyparent at that pointYeah, that’s about how it went.
At first it was simple stuff, the things I expected like paying for meals and maybe the occasional inexpensive gift, but about 6 weeks in she came at me with, “I’m getting evicted unless I can come up with $1,000 for rent” and my response was, “Damn. Think you can get a job or something?”
She didn’t like that response, but it didn’t even cross my mind that she was attempting to get me to pay her rent for her until quite a while later, and I was not gonna do that.
Not long after she came at me with the “why don’t I move in with you?” and my response was, “we’ve only been dating for two months. I think that’s a little quick to be moving in together”.
About two weeks later, it was over.
I hope everything worked out for her. She was a perfectly nice person and I’m definitely okay with being the provider.
I make good money. I’ve bought my own home in an expensive cost of living area. I’m good on that regard, but if I’m going to be taking on a stay-at-home gf situation, I don’t know.
I need a little more than two months of dating, that’s all. I need to have gone through some shit with that person before we’re moving in together.
Sounds like you were being fair, and setting reasonable boundaries. I’m glad you didn’t let her move in. I imagine that other issues would have presented themselves not long after.
yes but i am also in the sex industry so i may be slightly biased lol
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(Edit: I interpreted the question as working rather than worked… I think it being a past thing would be much easier for me to handle lol)
Mostly no? But that’s entirely a me problem. I’m too insecure and weird about intimacy. While I understand it perfectly on a cognitive level, my experience as demisexual makes it difficult to untangle on an emotional one.
But maybe… Taking the person I love as an example, if they were to date me and also get into (e.g.) porn, I could see myself discussing it and agreeing; I think I’d try, though it wouldn’t come naturally to me and I think it would probably cause me a lot of internal friction which may or may not spill into the relationship… Hm, yep; I don’t know enough to say for certain how it would go but I know I’d try for them. But that’s because I’m already crazy in love with them. If this was someone I didn’t have such strong existing bonds with, it would probably be no.
No. We clearly have a different view on intimacy.
People are allowed to have preferences and for many, their partner’s choice of work is one of them. Some folks won’t date doctors, lawyers, or military personnel. Some won’t date bartenders, anyone working in a restaurant, or pilots or flight attendants. The Venn diagram of “occupation” and “occupation someone won’t date” is a circle. Sex work is not exempt from that.
What grounds do people preclude partners in for service on? The unsociable hours? The rate of substance abuse?
Everyone’s criteria are their own. Who are we to question them, or tell them they’re wrong to have them?
EDIT: But I’d imagine those two would be among the more common ones.
I suppose I might worry that the work caused trauma that would interfere with having a happy, healthy sexual relationship, but if that wasn’t the case then I would have no problems with it. I don’t really experience jealousy the way that many people seem to. On the contrary, I actually think a background like that could be a good thing if it meant that the person liked sex and was good at it.
I wouldn’t have any particular moral qualms with it, however I doubt we would have enough in common to maintain a relationship.
I dated a former sex worker before. The biggest problem in it was her alcoholism, really.
Maybe.
Intimacy is quite emotionally connected for me, and I’d prefer a partner who feels similarly about it. It seems unlikely that someone would’ve worked in the industry if they viewed it that way - similarly to having a very casual view of sex in general.
Whilst I won’t rule it out entirely, it’d make me hesitant. The person would have to be quite compatible aside from that, so I’d need to get to know them better before giving dating a try.
same, it’s a big obstacle but like if we’re otherwise a perfect match then it’d be fine if they get a new job and we never talk about it.
Disclaimer; I’m already in a monogamous relationship for ~28 years now.
If it is “worked”; sure, why not? If it is “works”; depends on what kind of job. I can imagine if your job is having sex, you don’t feel like having sex during your down time, which can be taxing on a relationship. I’d also worry about STD’s.
I have! I fucked it up, but it was nice while it lasted.
Depends on the person, not their past. Some seem to have a grasp of psychology at a fascinating level.
I feel like the sex industry is a really rough place, and many women develop psychological or even psychiatric issues after being exploited in various ways. I don’t have any stigma for either sex work or mental issues, but I’m not the one to try and “fix her”. If the person has worked through their issues and is ready for a healthy relationship, I probably wouldn’t mind whatever they are doing to get by in life, as long as it’s not wildly unethical like weapons manufacturing or capitalist policing or labor exploitation. In other words, I’d much more likely date a sex worker than a “businesswoman” or whatever. That said I’m happy with my relationship and wouldn’t want to date anyone else :3
Yes, I dated someone in the sex industry for over 5 years. Multiple friends are also sex workers in long term rewarding relationships. It helps being polyamorous, so there’s already a baseline comfort with multiple partners going on. Sex work is just a complete non-issue in dating when someone has deprogrammed themselves from toxic monogamy already.
I mean, I feel like you’re asking quite the progressive crowd here and probably mainly getting responses from those who have an easy answer as well.
I imagine, most people will have some conservative parts of their family, who will think lesser of them for dating a (former) sex worker.
I definitely have that. I don’t particularly care what they think, but I wouldn’t blame anyone who does care. And in particular, if you don’t know whether the relationship with that sex worker will work out long-term (so that they might become your family one day), then the shaming from your current family might not be worth giving it a try.I don’t really have an issue with it except that I’d worry about STIs, but I think that’s manageable.
