I don’t fit very well with the idea of masculinity. I’m just a goofy nerd with a gentle personality and the desire to make others happy. I have always wanted to look soft and approachable; I have smooth, rounded facial features, wavy hair, big glasses, and a clean-shaven face. My personality is utterly non-threatening. I love caring for people, I enjoy being silly and whimsical, I’m a bit clumsy and get flustered easily, I wouldn’t hurt a fly (unless I had to), and I’m polite to a fault. My paradise is a warm, cozy, quiet safe haven surrounded by cute plushies.

I’m not manly in the slightest, and I love being that way. I’m a total softie through and through, and I purposely align my appearance with my personality. I look gentle because I am gentle.

I have always been treated differently than my male peers. Many people are inexplicably nicer or softer on me even if they barely know me. Female friends have fawned over me, calling me things like “cute,” “adorable,” and “sweetheart,” and expressing a desire to protect me. And I love it. I don’t find it offensive or infantilizing at all.

Through extensive introspection, I later figured out that care and nurturing are incredibly attractive to me, and the funny tickle I felt whenever I was shown care and protection by my female friends was actually a subtle tinge of attraction. It’s rather curious that my personality and gender expression just happened to develop in such a way to subconsciously solicit that kind of attention.

This is all well and good, but I worry that this makes me categorically unsexy due to my intentional suppression of gendered characteristics and desire to give off pure, wholesome vibes. Could I really be sexually desirable if I’m the kind of person who apologizes to trees for bumping into them? Some women have even teasingly called me a “Christian” or “virgin” because of this perceived innocence, suggesting that some people do indeed associate my personality with sexual restraint or abstinence.

In reality, I absolutely do want a sexual relationship, and I have always imagined myself treating a partner with the same gentle caregiving energy that I myself crave. I don’t do “naughty” or “dominant”; I would view a partner’s body as something to passionately take care of, not something to tease or conquer.

I would appreciate some outside perspective on this. Thanks!

  • oce 🐆
    154·
    2 days ago

    How do you know this is biological and not a social construct? I am afraid your opinion is based on a lot of stereotypes.

    • MoreFPSmorebetter@lemmy.zip
      84·
      2 days ago

      … Based on science and reality. There are endless studies that in general women are more attracted to “masculine” men. Strong looking deep voiced men. Even more so when ovulating. Same way men are hard wired for big boobs and wide hips. Monkey brain wants to make sure our offspring survive birth and are well fed.

      Obviously I understand that many people stray from those biological/evolutionary preferences but they are still the average/norm for most hence my first comment.

      • selokichtli@lemmy.ml
        4·
        1 day ago

        There are lots of studies saying that intelligence, a great sense of humor, and wealth are very attractive to women too. What if OP was a PhD, stand up comedian by night with a great job at a university and a wealthy family? I mean, we are not monkeys in the end.

      • LandedGentry@lemmy.zipEnglish
        151·
        2 days ago

        based on science and reality

        If you’re going to be that hand wavy and sure about it, then it’s only fair that I respond with “source?”

        • MoreFPSmorebetter@lemmy.zip
          57·
          2 days ago

          https://www.colorado.edu/asmagazine/2010/12/01/fertile-women-want-macho-looking-men

          Or just Google it for yourself and read any one of the many many articles talking about the subject in various different and specific ways.

          Or just look at the men that most women are attracted to in general and see what characteristics they share.

          I understand women are not a monolith. I was careful when I said “most” not all.

          • LandedGentry@lemmy.zipEnglish
            173·
            2 days ago

            I’m sorry, your source is a short 15 year old quarterly fluff university magazine piece written by an undergrad citing a study that isn’t even linked in the article?

              • LandedGentry@lemmy.zipEnglish
                4·
                1 day ago

                Over a decade old and kind of narrow, for instance:

                A new study shows that heterosexual women might prefer masculine men – but only when they are ovulating.

                but these are actually real sources and there’s an argument to be made, I can live with that.

              • oce 🐆
                2·
                2 days ago

                The NIH article seems to support your point.

                In conclusion, our results from a large cross-cultural sample demonstrate that women’s preferences for male facial masculinity are positively associated with economic development and individual differences in sexual openness, which complements findings from cross-cultural studies of men’s preferences for women’s facial femininity67. However, we found no evidence that indices of male-male competition (i.e. homicide rates and income inequality) were predictors of women’s facial masculinity preferences. Future cross-cultural research quantifying women’s mate preferences for facial masculinity that include individual differences data among participants from small-scale to more urban settings regarding their fear of violence would be valuable30. For the present, our findings suggest that in countries with more favourable social, ecological and economic conditions, wherein any costs of selecting less paternally investing masculine partners may be reduced, women’s preferences for facial masculinity are higher.