Instead of erecting a guillotine they erect a giant ballot box and then they all symbolically put ballot papers in while the national guard kettles and tear gasses them before going ham with rubber bullets and batons
Some liberals try to scale the wall, only to be pulled down by other liberals and handed over to the police
One guy is dubbed “BlueAnon Wizard” for dressing up as Harry Potter while storming the capitol
A bunch of white women occupy the senate chamber and begin hexing Donald Trump
Trump orders the same security staff that hot awarded for fending off conservatives on Jan 6 to shoot all protestors without exception, and they follow orders
Biden doesn’t die from a heart attack. Instead he insists on doing a live, unscripted address to his supporters at the capitol and he just hits you with the
stare for 45 seconds before mumbling and wandering around the set before the broadcast is cutAccurate
Shit, if there is a BlueAnon Wizard, does that make me their Voldemort??
The 2010 Rally to Restore Sanity but 200% more cringe
Organizers get a permit to protest on a Saturday afternoon on the Capitol lawn. The protest takes place between 2pm and 4:30pm. People wear pink hats and have RBG signs. The crowd peacefully disperses by 4:45pm. On the way home they all feel satisfied that their voices have been heard.
They get beaten by cops anyway (the same ones they praised on January 6) and Trump sends in the national guard
Biden would still be President though if they march before the inauguration, so he would be the one sending in the National Guard. Perfect way to capstone a presidency that came in to power with the energy of a mass protest movement behind it.
As if these people would ever do anything cool lol
On the capital steps:
Wrong
a group of 50 or so organize a Hamilton-themed flash mob to take place inside the capitol building, but DHS contractors drop white phosphorous on them before they can climb the steps. calls for an investigation go unheeded and, in protest, blue maga buys tickets to every lin manuel miranda show in trump’s name as soon as they go on sale.
They dress up like their favorite Hamilton characters or handmaids and sing cringe musical songs.
Dumbledore’s army of course
The libs plan a March to the Capitol Building. Trump says “If you march in Washington against me and you try to get to My Beautiful Capitol Building - my soldiers will kill you.” This - of course - makes the libs very mad. Ted B. Earnest - a March to the Capitol Building organizer - appears on MSNBC and speaks for all libs when he says “How can that guy say ‘my building’ and ‘my soldiers’! It’s America’s building and the soldiers are America’s soldiers!” #thatguy starts to trend on Twitter until - without explanation - it’s suddenly gone never to return.
Trump calls Elon “My guy Elon”. Trump is now on Twitter again because he says “I can do whatever I want. I think it and it’s an official act. Nobody can sue me. Nobody can stop me. Nobody can do anything.” Despite this warning and proclamation a lawsuit is started to force him not to tweet and to only post on Truth Social. In less than a day - everybody involved in the suit is missing. Trump says “I Gitmo’ed them. Maybe they’re dead. Or maybe they wish they were dead.” The lawsuit is quietly dropped.
A reporter says to Trump “Will you use the military to stop the March?” Trump says “Yeah. Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines - all my guys. And they’re loyal. Or they better be.” Three days before the March there’s a massive deployment of 10,000s of troops in DC including APCs, tanks, etc. Trump says “Nobody knows the word bivouac. Nobody likes camping but it’s soldier’s camping. My soldiers to stop the march are right out there in tents. There’s gonna be jets with colored smoke too. And people think really big trucks and tanks damage roads but that’s wrong. It’s patriot scars. Patriots are good - right?” Trump again says “If you march - my soldiers will kill you.”
The day of the March the estimated 100,000s of thousands of people have not materialized. Reporters estimate there are a few hundred people. They begin marching and they are singing the song That Guy composed for the event by Lin-Manuel Miranda. Miranda was supposed to be there but “due to prior commitments” he was unable to attend. A large contingent of pipes and drums in “1776 uniforms” was supposed to march too but no musicians were willing to come so the music is played over a PA system as the marchers sing the lyrics. They march about 500 feet before the troops start firing on them. Survivors of the barrage do not last long and are summarily executed on the spot.
An enterprising reporter has arranged to be near Trump as the massacre unfolds. Within minutes of it happening she has a chance to ask Trump questions. The reporter is proud of her foresight but she’s afraid of getting Gitmo’ed so she meekly asks “What did you think of the March?”
“It was bad. Y-M-C-A is a good song” he does a few dance moves - “But that song was very, very bad. Sad.” And Trump says to a minion - “Put the march on the screens when it starts but no sound. No sound until the shooting starts.” The video starts and Trump starts smiling like a serial killer reliving the moment.
Skip brunch for a whole week in protest of the election results.
They wont do anything even close lmao
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