STOP INVENTING INTERGENERATIONAL DIFFERENCES!
Bridie, you’re a millennial – tell me about your socks
NO ONE GIVES A SHIT
Oh Gabs, you could ask me what beauty I saw in the world on this glorious blue sky morning, or how my relationship is with my mother, or what rage is in my heart. But no, everyone wants to talk about millennial socks.
WHO THE FUCK IS EVERYONE? IS THAT ODYSSEUS PLAYING A TRICK ON US BY PUTTING A TWIST ON HIS OLD PRANK?
I actually wear great socks. Heavily influenced by my little brother, I’ve worn Uniqlo crew socks for years. Which are actually “zoomer socks”. But I have loved ankle socks as well, and that is the foghorn that signals I’m a millennial, apparently.
SAYS FUCKING WHO THEYRE JUST FUCKING DOCKS SHUT THR FUCK UP
Wait, I’m just trying to wrap my head around the concept of “millennial socks” – which you now tell me are just ankle socks – and now you’ve introduced the concept of “zoomer socks”. Are they merely coloured crew socks or is there more to it?
THEGRE JUST FUCKIBG SOCJS HILY SHIT AASSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH 
Millennial socks are small socks that stop at the ankle, or even the ones you can’t see at all above the shoe (I loved these!). Zoomer socks are generally crew socks – any sock pulled up high. They invented them (citation needed). Also, I think they’re actually called gen Z socks – my beloved zoomer colleagues are always telling me that only millennials say zoomer.
I LOVED THESE 
“They invented them” 
CITATION FUCKING NEEDED
OK, so millennials love ankle socks – good to know. But why is Jennifer Lawrence being called “brave” by Vogue for stepping out in “millennial socks”?
SOMEONE PUT THE PEOPLE IN TEEN VOGUE IN CHARGW OF THE WHOLE BRAMD PLEASE FOR THE LIFE OF GOD
Ah, I think because one of the most tragic things you can be in some corners of the internet is a woman in her 30s dressing herself with no regard for a trend.
INCOHERENT SCREAMING
Oh no, what about a woman in her 40s?
LOUDER INCOHERENT SCREAMING
I don’t believe they exist.
INCOHERENT SOBBING
So, ahem, the long and short of it is that gen Z have pulled their socks up?
TF2 SOLDIER SCREAMING NOISE
Ha! They’ve also moved their hair part to the middle, millennials favour the side part. And they’re wearing enormous pants – skinny jeans are definitely out. Also high-waisted jeans are a millennial relic. Gen Z are wearing pants that hang off their hips.
SQUEALING PIG THAT SHAT ON ITS BALLS NOISES
Wait, I wore pants that hung off my hips!
I CANT TAKE ANY MORE OF THIS FUCKING MONOLOGUE TONGUE-IN-CHEEK
Ssshh, ssshhhh. This is the first time in history that any of this is cool. And it will stay cool for ever. There definitely won’t be articles in 10 years calling a 35-year-old zoomer “brave” for wearing crew socks.
PLEASE LET ME BE MOULDERING IN A GRAVE BEFORE THIS HAPPENS
With temperatures hovering around 0C this week, leaving ankles across pre-Y2K generations practically frostbitten, I have been wearing crew socks instead of ankle socks. This Xennial is accidentally cool now.
Fucking amateur, just-freezing is great weather to be wearing summer clothes in.
Me in Alaska.
I do it despite the tropical climate here.
It’s been north of 70s F, even cranking close to 90s a few times, up here the past few weeks and people have been looking at me like I’m a foreigner because I dress like it’s fall and don’t react to the heat.
It’s not my fault my internal thermometers been broken by my travels and it takes extreme temperatures for me to actually dress accordingly to their conditions
People look at me like I’m weird for wearing an undershirt under my regular shirt in oven temps. How else am I going to catch the sweat. That and going to the beach wearing jeans, lol.
I think the most genuinely oddest thing I’ve seen cloths and weather-wise was when I was out in the Arizona desert in the Phoenix area in December - fuckin hated it there it was so fucking hot like what Demon decided to build a city there - being dragged around to do shopping at a mall and lo and fucking behold I see people wearing motherfucking parkas in the middle of a fucking desert.
My ass was bundled up in all white loose clothes like I’m on an expedition through the Arabian desert and I’m looking at these old ass crackers complaining about how cold it was like I’m looking at the little green aliens mascot they have in the town of Roswell.
Makes sense for old folks, especially if they have some sort of neuropathy. But I draw the line at getting out my parent’s old New York coats just because it’s December. It’s too hot for that nowadays. I miss when it got that cold. The dew droplets used to look so pretty when they froze overnight on the patches of clover.
About ten years ago I spent a small christmas bonus on a really great winter coat, because I was spending a lot of time waiting at train platforms in winter conditions that were like -20° and windy. I haven’t needed to wear it in nearly five years.
I like to joke that all us New Yorkers here have closets full of winter coats that we rarely use. My father, for instance has a fine leather jacket that is lined with fur which he bought nearly 40 years ago. He hardly ever wears it, and recently had to take out for it’s annual dusting, lol.
Dog I can’t imagine trying to dress up for anything in Florida it’s so freaking humid down there.*
*for clarification ive only been to Orlando in October once, and have been told there’s plenty of other parts of Florida that don’t actually suck as much.
It’s becoming like Phoenix but, because of how the humidity makes the heat index so deadly.
I rarely ever go to Orlando but, from my experience the Atlantic coast is beautiful in its own way. Especially if there aren’t any resorts built yet.