I made a post recently on chapo.gov/c/chapotraphousepodcast.com. I pressed the “post” button and eagerly retreated to my study awaiting precious engagement. My study is an interesting place. It is entirely unfurnished except for a bed directly in the middle up against no walls. I sat in the dark meditating, reflecting how less sexy Miranda Keyes from the Halo games would be if they released today under woke Microsoft, or “wokeosoft”. Her skin is soft and pale, why cant I look like her? Why can’t I have long flowing hair? I can grow my hair like that but the radical left Democrat Party won’t allow it, they call it “cultural appropriation”.

I checked my phone and saw that my post, simply asking a Hexbear.chat user to become my wife had been removed. It was called “inappropriate” and “unusual” that I had written out a 12 paragraph description of our life together on the farm if this user would marry me. I would still like her even if she wasn’t trans. Each day I would awake at the crack of dawn, 1:30 PM, and fart myself out of bed while cracking every individual joint in my body, my beloved wife would be there to greet me with an orange soda and a donut. At 2:30 PM I would arise from bed and begin the work day on the farm, I would begin by greeting Juan, our farm hand strong enough to carry a bale of hay by hand. “Hot enough for you, john?” He always cracked up at my jokes. “Mr. Carlson, can I please put a shirt on? I am getting sunburned again”. I drink another orange soda.

After a hard day of work I would be finished with my tasks and return home for dinner. I would greet her/you with a kiss and a silent, 25 minute long stare directly into your eyes. When do I blink? Only when you do. I drink another orange soda and kiss you deeply, burping directly into your mouth. I drink another orange soda. You would make me a dinner meal made of meat. Only meat. No vegetables. I’m not gay like that. I return to our bedroom, playing my Xbox while you take care of the house and mend our clothes. I drink another orange soda and gently fall asleep with you in my arms early at 8 AM, gently drifting off to thoughts of our love and the next day on the farm.

So please, moderators of Hexbear, restore my post and unban c/dating to let love bloom like 100 flowers

In love (whether you like it or not) Tucker “The Tiger” Carlson