Getting perma banned off tinder for using it to sell stuff. Met quite a few people, even one celebity.
What did you sell?
Stuff.
Edit: i guess its lemmy and its not like i havent been arrested before so its public knowledge kinda. I sold a bunch of drugs. Made a lot of money.
And what celebrity?
A music artist.
Edit: i lived in nashville. There were plenty of people around. But you dont snitch even if they were a huge bitch.
In hindsight it was kinda funny. She was a bitch who‘s life revolved around acting like she’s upperclass. She was a saleswoman at a Mercedes dealership and got to drive one herself. The place I chose was not nice enough for her, which she constantly complained about and she laughed at me for taking the train and not owning a car at the time (this is Germany btw). When we left the restaurant and said goodbye, she asked me if I could help her build a website for free. I was like „Ummm no?“ and she just said „Typical men“.
I’ve been on this date dozens of times. Had many women ask me if I’m poor and become totally disgusted with me when is said I used to be as a child.
My best dating app experience was my first app date, which was with the person I’ve very happily been with for ten years now.
My worst dating app experience was my second app date, which was just meh and boring and showed me they wouldn’t all be as awesome as the first one, and I went back to dating the first one.
You guys were getting dates?
When you work on getting them, you’ll get them
When you work on keeping them, you’ll keep them
Like anything ijnlife, relations require time and mind investments
all the time.
have you tried being attractive?
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Yessss tell me all you secrets. Possibly the apps on your phone right now…muh hahahaha 👿
?
met a girl, lovely, funny, just a joy to be around. We dated for almost 3 years. Blissful and regular sexy fun times. Bought her the most beautiful engagement ring. I was going to propose on Christmas. In November of that year, she ghosts me. Blocks me on everything. Left town with her ex-husband and moved to the other side of the country. I was completely floored. Even her parents were like WTF?! So I haven’t dated in a while. I have no desire to start over again. Now it’s just me and my cat.
I had one move cross-country with me, then admit to cheating the whole time we were together, then disappear on my birthday, after which she apparently shaved her head and moved to Indonesia.
People are weird and complex. For all you know, she had a mini stroke and that’s that.
It’s weird how these sorts of unknowns can haunt us for years. It’s like a math equation that we can’t solve but we must solve. An itch that we can’t itch. You’ll get it eventually. I had a really fucked up breakup when I was a teenager that bothered me all through my 20s. It wasn’t until I matured a ton that I figured out how messed up it was. It took my own growth of perspective to be able to look back and understand why I felt the way I did for so long and why it was so confusing. We’re just weird like that.
I hope you can find happiness 🫂
it’s funny (not haha funny) you should mention a stroke. I had thought of that honestly. She had a couple of concussions at her job. Once while we were dating, she was knocked out cold. I noticed a few changes after that but nothing that would make me think she would drop her whole life and just move one day without a word. Mostly just short term memory issues. The brain is a weird thing.
Strokes happen, and a lot more often than we know. Like it’s funny, but brain damage is well within the realm of possibility. It doesn’t change anything - or, I guess, I suppose it does change things, often permanently, so that might be one very real, very possible reason.
Probably not good to chalk it up to “my partner left me because they had a stroke”. I, personally, would say it’s healthiest to land on “there were differences between both of us that somehow disabled healthy communication” because that’s most often reality. That being said, until there’s a pattern and you still can’t tell what you may be doing, I wouldn’t worry too much about you doing something worth changing. If there is a pattern, however, that’s probably worth looking into.
I’ve dated people who have this pattern. It’s not really their fault. One person was neurodivergent (i am too) and I’m avoidant af. I basically lied and ghosted them for a few months, claiming needing space, which was true, but it helped me see the issues I had with their person, the incompatibilities that I couldn’t get over. They bothered me deeply, but I decided they were not something about them I could emotionally handle or would be in any way constructive to confront them over. To this day, I still feel horrible that I had to do that, but saw no other way out. I’d like to think I’ve matured since then and maybe could handle it better, but it hasn’t been that long since.
And eventually reconnected with them and apologized and we officially broke up. They weren’t happy, but thankful that I didn’t entirely ghost them. We’re still sort of friends but don’t talk much, and they seem to have found their people, which I’m really glad for.
This story is just one, very specific possibility. From what I’ve seen in my limited lifespan, it’s probably not the only kind of situation. I’m definitely at fault too.
Breaking up is hard. There isn’t a set way and a lot of people just don’t know how to do it. I don’t have great advice for you, but I still think empathy is the way forward for us all, including for yourself.
Good thoughts, well said.
Dodged a bullet? She could have ghosted you after the proposal for the sake reason.
Seems like person that really craves novelty because they uprooted their life spontaneously
she was using you to get him back.
fwiw I had a similar experience, though only over 1 year, and she went back to her ex after she demanded I pay off her $100K in debts and I said no. And she threw flower pots at my head after i mentioned I knew she’d been seeing someone else…
she’s still on dating apps, I see her profile occasionally and she’s using photos from 10+ years ago.
We need a Tesseract list for crazy dates…
all that would do is further entrench traditional gender dynamics.
nobody would ever believe the lady I’m talking about is abusive and manipulative, because she is pretty and she knows who to manipulative people and play the part of sweet and innocent.
There is something like that for women talking about men they date. Groups for the other side though? Taken down immediatly.
sexism at it’s finest.
Both should be taken down though, people will abuse this in every way possible
Haha well not so bad but some years ago I had a funny one.
Met an american girl (24) on tinder who was here for university. Chat went well for about a week and then we made plans to meet up. She is new to the city and asks me to “pick her up” at her place so we can take public trans together.
The first thing I notice when I see her is she has crazy bulging eyes. Like in a movie!
I’m a chill guy so I’m not going to let that stop me and I take her to cafe I like. We sit down, I order a beer and she orders a cola and some starters. The she tells me she has never tired beer or any alcohol and asks if she can try my beer. I say ok and she takes a sip and makes a crazy face and spits it out onto the floor and makes a huge fuss about how gross is it and how can anyone drink that.
I didn’t know what do say so I played it cool and changed the subject to movies. We had a nice chat and nice meal and split the bill nicely. I saw her back to her place and dropped her off. She gave me a firm handshake goodbye and I figured that was the end of that.
3 weeks later I hanging out with friends and one of the guys says “hey are you dating a girl named Sarah Jones (name changed)? She’s in my class and she’s mad at you!” It took me a min to realize who he even meant. Sarah has telling him “we had a good thing going” and she doesn’t understand why she hasn’t heard from me and is waiting for me.
Then the next time I went to the cafe where I took Sarah they told me she had been back every night for a week after our date looking for me even though she never contacted me! WTF Sarah?!
Really bizarre behaviour on their part, but you did kind of ghost them lol
The hand shake is a pretty good sign that no more is to follow. Give em a hug, even an awkward one is more engaging than a business hand shake.
I had the hand shake after a 3-4 hour first date. I went in for a quick nice to meet you hug and she back off. Gave me the hand shake. I gave her a puzzled look. She took a minute, some back and forth i can’t remember and said she wasn’t into me. That was perfect. Clear to the point. Why would we want to waste our time.
I know girls have to think of exit strategies because situations with guys can go sideways. That was just the first time it had happened to me.
Only if she was writing after the date, if they both never wrote each other there is no ghosting involved.
To me it still leaves things ambiguous. Especially obvious in cases like this where one party thinks the date went completely fine
It is not the job of the man to have to do all communication if the woman doesn’t want to do her part.
He doesn’t have to think of all possibilities the woman might be encountering and then ask about them just because she is unable to ask one question.
Nah. Definitely not. Standard hard lesson you gotta learn when dating is that if the person doesn’t want to talk to you after the first date, that’s it. Move on.
I had a date many years ago with a friend of a friend who I didn’t like at all after about 30 mins into the date. I paid for the meal, we chatted by our cars, and both left. I thought it was mutually a “nah”. Boyyyyyyy was I wrong.
I guess to some people, you are the only date they’re going on this decade, and it matters a lot.
But those people are too out of touch. It was one date. No sex, no kiss, no spark. An hour or two at most. Move on. I shouldn’t have to put somebody down after THAT much body language and lack of anything else. The message is communicated. I shouldn’t have to look them in the eyes and literally tell them I’m not interested.
Like, if it’s vague or middle of the road, fine. If it’s a second date or later, fine. If we decide to hook up anyway, then yeah that needs to be clarified. But not after one short date with nothing but awkward silence and no chemistry.
Like, remember what you’re there for: to meet somebody you want to spend the rest of your life with. If there isn’t a spark, there isn’t a spark. And if you’re there to hook up, then obviously this doesn’t need to be said.
This is one reason I very clearly said something like “I’d like to see you again” to people.
Just because you had that hard lesson doesn’t mean you have to inflict that hard lesson on other people.
It’s not hard to send some variation of a no second date message. Even just a copy pasted polite template is better than nothing. If you don’t want to deal with their response, just block after hitting send and move on.
Thank you for the date, but I’m not feeling the chemistry for another meeting. I appreciate you taking the time, best of luck out there!
I mean, you aren’t wrong. I generally try to unless it’s really obvious. Like if I think the person and i are on the same page. I’m not out here to hurt anybody. But that’s also why I think it’s important to learn that lesson so you don’t get hurt. Like, teach your kids to have a reasonable self confidence so they aren’t fucking so self centered that they’re overly sensitive. Dont expect the world to bend to you, specifically, and have a modicum of some self emotional reliance.
Both can be right at the same time.
You’re right there is nothing wrong with a clear polite “it was nice to meet you but sorry I didn’t feel it. Take care”
I also think nor everyone can communicate well. Some people come right out and say things, some people don’t take offence at everything and can discuss things, and some people avoid hard conversations.
Some people like myself would prefer implicit distancing than trying to put words on it. It may hurt to receive such message even though it’s respectful and nice
I tend to be dumb as a brick, and even when I’m not, I’d rather have a polite “no thanks” than wondering what if.
It’s between going out with a heroin drug dealer or heroin drug user. Most depressing things ever.
Made me think of divorce lawyer with several lambos and a trophy wife. He don’t sell heroin but he will help end your marriage all the same.
Also it would be funny that he would know how to have a healthy relationship
Assault. Does this question ever wind up with answers that don’t hit the bottom?
Despite the normal safety measures + an intentional lack of flirting when the vibes weren’t there, public space, no booze on first meeting, split the check so there are no “implications”, no physical contact. Dude didn’t like hearing no as I wanted to head to my car and leave. Fortunately, it was in public and he tried to keep it low-key but I had deep bruises on my arm for a while.
I guess that’s why people do virtual dates after marching. Idk I never got that far.
Worst thing you’ll experience is a man jorking it.
Sorry you got the aggressive and desperate weirdo
Met with a girl for dinner after talking for a week or so on tinder. We pretty much agreed if the date went well we would go back to my place and fuck. We both were recently tested for STDs and she was on the stick in the arm BC. She was kinky and into a lot of the same things I was. Date went well so we spent the night together. She calls me a couple days later and tells me she’s sorry but she has/had gonorrhea. As well as that when told me she had been tested recently, she had, she just hadn’t gotten the results yet. The sex was unprotected and I was pissed. I told her it was clearly deceptive and I wasn’t interested in talking to her anymore. She was angry, urged me to reconsider and argued it’s not a big deal. I said regardless of the fact its a quick cure with antibiotics the initial deception completely soured me. She then went on a rant about how the sex wasn’t even that good because I wouldn’t punch her during. Tune quickly changed to I’m the bad guy/bad lay and she wants nothing to do with me. Blocked but not forgotten.
YIKES.
Hopefully the gon didn’t happen or is gone. People like that are shitty and fast. Don’t stand for it. It’s unfortunately all too common.
Didn’t happen but I saw my doctor and got a course of antibiotics that week anyway.
Wow, that sucks … also, I’ve had two counts of being criticised for refusing to punch someone in the face.
I do not get that at all, and it really seems like fuel for making assault allegations after the fact :-/
I once had a girlfriend punch me in the face, and then blame me for the finger she broke doing so.
Yeah, I don’t mind being rough but literally punching is a hard line for me. I’m also really big so it feels extra dangerous.
Oh yeah, if you’re big you could put someone in hospital with that :-(
I don’t know dude. You had unprotected sex with a stranger from the Internet and got a treatable STI. That seems like a potential outcome going into it
I agree, do you think I should have kept talking to her though? I was more bothered by the fact she told me she was recently tested and was clean. Then finding out she was tested but the results weren’t in yet.
Lmao absolutely not. Move on. People that lie aren’t worth the stress.
Also, you have to wonder what else they’ll lie about for sex. Good way to catch something more serious, or become a parent. Not worth the risk, regardless of gender. Better rub one out and move on than ruin your life.
Self iduced moment of clarity in order to gtfo
Really up to you. Likely not because of the honesty but up to you.
TW: Assault / Abuse
Dated for six weeks and when I tried to leave the relationship she physically restrained me (I was at her place), I didn’t want to hurt her so I spent the next hour or so talking my way out of it. Later that night she got drunk, came around to my place, yelled outside for a bit and then broke in. That’s the short version at least, my experiences were actually really positive after that though.
is it just me or are people getting chained up by romantic partners even more than they did in the past
I think it’s more acceptable to talk about it, particularly for men. I suspect the actual number has gone down, due to awareness, but can’t back that up with research.
She didn’t chain me up luckily just grabbed onto me and refused to let go.
Once had a man that myself and my partner matched with for a potential threesome. The guy was more interested in me than my partner, which almost immediately ruled out any possibility of hooking up with him, but we were giving him some time before deciding if it was a complete no-go.
One evening after we had been chatting for a few days, he mentioned to me he was pretty sure which apartment building I lived in and he was in the neighborhood. He wanted to stop by.
I never told him where I lived and had never had him over before.
Fucking hell, that made me immediately block him everywhere and be a bit more aware of where my keys were while walking home for a while.
I’m a cis het white guy, so luckily I didn’t have to suffer any abuse. The “worst” was just not getting a reply. ¯\(ツ)/¯
The worst date I went on was with this girl in a wheelchair. I knew her before from kinky events and was fascinated by her artistic and kinky mind and how she combined that with her disability. So I was pleasantly surprised when we matched so we decided to go on a date in a bondage club.
Tying someone up or getting tied up is usually a quick and easy way to find what chemistry exists between two people. For us it was none. Absolutely nothing. I felt nothing and she probably as well because she was mostly on her phone when we weren’t tying.
We are still on friendly terms. But I think I’m pretty lucky that this is the worst I can come up with.
I had the most boring date of my life.
He was like a black hole of intellect, no curiosity, no questions, no flirting … he followed me through a museum and dinner in the hopes of me putting out in a vanilla manner, and then whined like a kid when I politely cut him loose.
Lmao… the last guy I dated a couple years ago, apparently I impressed him by disdainfully talking about the nature of god on our first date. I guess his previous experiences were all like yours.
And to be fair, it is actually really refreshing to find people you can actually talk with.
Ooh, theology on the first date … yeah, that would be a million times better (assuming they weren’t super religious)
Yeah religion is basically a hard no for me. I like thinking.
I always thought it would be fun to date a pagan of the right variety - set fire to things in the house, go dance naked in the woods, that sort of thing. I quite enjoy folk music sometimes :-)
A few years ago I finally looked up what “pagan” even was…
It’s just what christians call non-christians.
OK, more specifically something like neo Druidism, then.
I thought I got my point across.
Oh yeah you did, sorry, just an interesting tidbit on terminology
