Yep. I’ve definitely been way too patient with some people in hopes that they’d be willing to try and understand me. Sometimes way more than they’ve demonstrated they’d be willing to even try.

My father, for instance, refuses to sit down and have a single conversation with me about my being trans. I came out to him a year ago at this point and we have seen each other maybe three times, for family events. He hasn’t seen me at all since I started passing to random strangers in public, and has sent me a photo of myself pretransition several times because he’d rather mourn me while I’m still alive than know who I really am.

The man could be the exhibit of a master class in emotional avoidance and redirection, and yet my instinct is to preserve the relationship. To try over and over to talk to him and set the simple boundary of “fucking talk to me” when he asks about seeing his grandchild… And keep trying to make something work instead of just being ok with non contact.