The first time in my near-six year spell as a parent I finally had the fabled ‘supermarket meltdown’.
Not for transparency sake I’ll admit, the meltdown began the Moment we left the house and I had the nerve, the gaul to…hold my two year olds hand whilst walking to the shops.
30 minutes later and, well we get to the shops. I’ve been kicked, hit and screamed at for the entire walk because my unruly toddler didn’t want to hold my hand…but also didn’t want to be carried.
And then it happened. Lemons. We didn’t need lemons. He didn’t truly even want them. But alas, he decided this was his hill to die on, and oh boy.
Told him no. Offered him my hand. Nothing. He wouldn’t budge from the lemons. My eldest is off doing her own thing with grandad, but even they heard what was to come: the scream. So much screaming.
I scooped him up whilst trying to hold a jar of Bolagnese sauce and a packet of Garlic and Herb New Potatoes and quickly made my way to the middle of the store. As my toddler screams with the intensity of a thousand angry sun-gods I hand him the goods and make my way outside, away from judging eyes. My son then proceeds to scream for a further five minutes before ultimately, giving in and accepting defeat.
So yeah. That was my Sunday afternoon. I handled it fine but bloody hell it took the shine of what should have been a nice little walk.
How have your kids pissed you off recently??
Let’s look at it from the other side;
I get it. My kids had a couple of meltdowns too. But my wife gave me amazing advice: if you’re tired, hungry, and no-one is letting you do what you want, and no-one explains why, and starts shouting at me, I know I’d have a meltdown too.
There was something probably wrong even before you set out on the walk to the shops. With my kids, as soon as I noticed some issue (and I monitored closely), I’d get down to their level (kneel down, sit in chairs or anything so your faces are level) have a talk with them. Earnestly and taking time. Is the issue:
Tiredness can be solved with a stroller, or delaying until after a nap. Hunger or thirst - easy. We always carried a small packet of biscuits or other snack. If this is disruption of routine, a promise to let the activity happen again soon, or a promise of an alternative at the shops. Hell, even a walk with Dad can be exciting if you engage positively all the way there. And lots of things can be made to be exciting to someone who has only been able to walk and explore their world for 12 months.
But it has to be open, honest conversation where you are at the same physical level and face to face. Even if they don’t understand everything you’re saying, the fact you are there helping is incredibly powerful for bonding and showing you care. But you have to be present in the moment and engage totally your kid until you have solved this with them.
The longer you delay this and continue doing things the child doesn’t want to do, the episode just gets worse and worse for the child, the harder it is to repair.
Sorry if I have assumed anything or you’ve tried these things and they don’t work. They were exceptionally good for my family.
This is good advice, but it doesn’t work with most kids. Some kids, most of them around 2-4 yo, can’t regulate their emotions no matter what. Most teenagers as well.
Yeah I’m totally open to the gentle parenting thing, honestly. However, there’s only so much reasoning you can do with a 21 Month old. If he wants to walk he holds my hand. If he doesn’t want to hold my hand he gets carried, or put in the stroller. And the previous times we’d made this walk? Perfectly fine. We had a lovely time, alas I left the stroller at home.
I’m not going to let the whims of my toddler ruin the walk for my eldest, the same way that I wouldn’t let the whims of my eldest ruin the day for my youngest.
The lad got himself so worked up because he wanted to walk down a main road without holding my hand that by the time he got into the shop he was emotionally and physically exhausted. I didn’t shout at him. I picked him up, and we went outside where he continued to scream.
He screamed, he was held and was allowed to calm down in the safe environment of my arms. No shouting, no mockery or moaning on my part, just comfort and safety for him.
My oldest is almost the exact same age, and while he’s generally a really great kid, he definitely knows how to push my buttons sometimes. You’re doing the best you can by being a calm and supportive role model for him, and you sound like a great dad!