Basically the takeaway was:
“Fix your sleep schedule”
“Just go outside more”
“Stop being anxious, other people aren’t constantly thinking about you”
Also I get asked like “so what do you do at home?”
um… how should I answer this? “Oh I read online forums that has politically extreme memes?” (I mean that’s what half of Lemmy memes are…)
Or am I supposed to explain every youtube video I watched?
Idk how to even answer that…
My parents are paying the copays and I’m on parents insurance… honestly if I had to pay for this, I’d probably just sue them for funsies lmao… maybe if I win a medical malpractice lawsuit, the payout will cure my depression xD (okay probably not medical malpractice, but I felt like I was just wasting time so I really wanna just go sue them for fun lol)
I’m actually gonna die of “big sad” lmao
(My soul definitely died…)
LITERALLY listening to music feels more helpful than “therapy” or whatever… like 5th meet already… it feels equally weird in person and on video call… Like it just keeps getting more awkward each successive meet…
The “therapist” is white guy btw…
Dude was like “so do you feel like you have trouble acclimating to this country?”
And okay I know there’s no malicious intentions… but the way that was asked felt like what right winger would ask and then follow up with “so why not go back”…
Okay so maybe its just my paranoia… but that kinda triggered me… so the rest of the session… like 15 minutes of the remaining time I just felt like I had a PTSD event gone through my head…

No therapist can “fix” you, it takes active participation in sessions for it to actually do something. That means being honest even when that means admitting you dont know what to say or that you don’t want to answer, because then you can have a discussion around why that is hard for you.
Participating in therapy means poking and prodding where there is internal resistance, because that’s where you can find some answers for the things that are hurting you.
You need to try trusting the therapist, and a lot of good can come even from talking honestly about the issues you have with the session - as long as you’re doing your best to be open about it. You can say for example that the tips they give you makes it feel like they dont understand you or want to listen to you when they just give generic advice, and that you’re not responding well to unsolicited advice in general.
This therapist may not be a great match though, especially if they make you feel unsafe about your olace in your country (although it seems worth exploring at some future point)… and there is no problem to try a different one! Perhaps you can find one that is more used to working with people in your specific circumstances, or your current one can recommend you someone else?
But no therapist in the world is going to be good for you unless you actually say what’s on your mind, even when it seems inane or pointless or embarrassing or empty.
At least that’s what years of therapy for very little effect taught me, compared to six months with a determined mind, a deadline, and a skillful specialised therapist.