Good morning everyone.
Sometimes I feel lost. I am 30 years old and the friends I have are the same friends ten years ago and they all still drink excessive alcohol. I am totally fine getting wasted once a year but they still do that every time we meet up.
I am also getting married soon, while I love my soon to be wife I get this huge feeling of anxiety when it comes towards our wedding. I invited most of my above friends because I don’t have any other friends. I wasted my 20s and thinking those are my friends but in the end I notice they are just drinking buddies. I don’t want to make them sound bad they are friendly people and they work and have degrees but the only connection I have to them is the bottle.
I wish I could just make a small wedding without inviting them and just cut ropes. But I already sent out the invites a year ago and organised most of the stuff for the wedding so I am going through it with them. And again, I don’t hate them. I just probably have like two close friends out of those 15 people and thats it. The rest is alcohol.
I am also in the process of building a house. We will be paying 1300 € to the bank the next 25 years and I designed the credit with my bank that I can pay it off with my salery alone in case my wife doesn’t work. I have about 3200 € a month after taxes and my (soon) wife 2400 € a month after taxes, so it seems possible.
Now the construction company of our house is slower than expected (planned to move in february and its gonna be may) and the wedding is july.
I wish I could take a sleeping pill and wake up next year.
Edit: Thank you to all for the kind answers and it helped me think about it from a different perspective and perhaps take things easier! Thanks
People change over time. Who you consider a friend changes too. You are at that point in your life where you are realizing that that is the case and it is JARRING. Because very few people are warned that this can, and usually does, happen. In my case, I have 1 close friend, a few not so close friends and a lot of people I grew up with that are now essentially strangers that I once knew. There are going to be people you consider friends that are really friends of circumstance, there are friends you were linked at the hip for years that suddenly evaporate and very very few that stick with you as life long friends. The reality is that you’re probably going to have to rebuild your social circle many times throughout your life.
You can make a small wedding. There is no law of physics forcing you not to be able to do that. Just the social consequences. BUT you have to remember that this is you and your future wife’s wedding and you only really get one wedding so it should be what you both want and it does not sound like you want what you’ve set up. As for how to do that diplomatically… I am not an expert on that so Ill point to this article TLDR: They dont need to know why. And I would keep the details of the small wedding that would come later close to your chest.