Ok, so basically a user had asked whats the best way to buy their neighbors house. There were some useful (if not obvious) answers as replies. And then there’s my reply…

First…maybe consider murdering your neighbors wife and children? But don’t let it be known it was you.

Then you could play up the fact that they don’t want to live in a house that constantly reminds them of the terrible events of that fateful night.

Also don’t do anything that would harm the house itself. So don’t burn them alive, and don’t fill the house with millions of Asian murder hornets. Also, as effective as it would be, I’d reccomend AGAINST setting loose a horny mating season silverback gorilla into their bedroom. He might start smashing walls.

The obvious answer is snakes. But not rattlesnakes. Rattlesnakes don’t actually want to kill. They just like being left alone. Thats why they rattle. It’s their way of saying:

“Hey friend, you’ve encroached upon my living territory, and now I feel uncomfortable with your presense. Please leave, or I’ll be forced to defend myself, and quite honestly, I don’t want the guilt or the PTSD. That being said, it’s not a hollow threat. I WILL kill you very easily. Please leave.”

The problem is, we don’t want them to leave. That would thwart our whole plan of murder. They would just flee the house, and then they’d be talking to EMS, and animal rescue. They’d be like:

“No I DON’T know why there are suddenly 16 rattlesnakes in our house! We certainly didn’t steal them from 6 different zoos from neighboring states…”

Instead I suggest the Black Mamba, known for its speed, aggression, and potent venom. No I totally didn’t just pull that from a google search for “deadly snakes” followed by clicking the first wikipedia entry I found.

But here’s the trick. Don’t lowball him per se, but also don’t give him full home value. Just convince him not even to put the home on the market. Don’t even look into it’s value. Just sell the home, and put this dark day behind you. I’m sure you won’t go crazy if you move to a secluded cabin in the woods surrounded by bears and the occasional big foot. You’ll be fiiiiiine.

Then take that suckers land after slaughtering his loved ones! It’s the American way! Oh. You’re not American? Well then. Your results may vary.