Is promising to change not evidence of the motivation to change?
How would that be? It may say a sincere desire to change… no, not a desire to change but for things to be different (that would much more exact, imho). But but that ends there. And it certainly says nothing about the motivation to do it (aka the willingness to accept the painful work that changing implies).
As an ex-addict myself (doesn’t matter much to what I was addicted), I know how easy it is to promise to change, and even to believe we will change and instantly, even a few instants after the promise was made, to completely forget about any change. And that’s true for addiction and for almost anything (thoughts we have, personal values and convictions, desire,…). At least, I think so.
When one is addicted to something, I know there are explanations to that failure in executing a promise and to keep one’s own word, but that doesn’t change that promising is very easy to do. It’s to deliver that is hard. In French, we say ‘une promesse n’engage que celui qui l’écoute’ (‘a promise only binds the one listening to it/believing it’) which to me summarize it perfectly.
If someone wants to show a real willingness to change, I know none but one method to do it which is… the painful one: to actually start changing. Not promising to change and also not make a sudden radical change (as that often will fail, but this is not the point). Actually starting to change, do the first step now. Not later, not tomorrow, not when I will be better. No nothing. Now.
I only quit my addiction(s, plural as there were quite a few) the day I did that first move not all those many times I promised I would soon change… for so many years.
People can change. I can obviously vouch for it. But saying one will change doesn’t mean much, if anything.
Then, another issue with changing is that too often the other person(s) to which one may have made a promise to change may be expecting a radical change instantly. This won’t work. Change requires a lot of efforts, a lot of patience, and a lot of good will (because things will not go straightforward) from anyone involved or concerned by said change.
How would that be? It may say a sincere desire to change… no, not a desire to change but for things to be different (that would much more exact, imho). But but that ends there. And it certainly says nothing about the motivation to do it (aka the willingness to accept the painful work that changing implies).
As an ex-addict myself (doesn’t matter much to what I was addicted), I know how easy it is to promise to change, and even to believe we will change and instantly, even a few instants after the promise was made, to completely forget about any change. And that’s true for addiction and for almost anything (thoughts we have, personal values and convictions, desire,…). At least, I think so.
When one is addicted to something, I know there are explanations to that failure in executing a promise and to keep one’s own word, but that doesn’t change that promising is very easy to do. It’s to deliver that is hard. In French, we say ‘une promesse n’engage que celui qui l’écoute’ (‘a promise only binds the one listening to it/believing it’) which to me summarize it perfectly.
If someone wants to show a real willingness to change, I know none but one method to do it which is… the painful one: to actually start changing. Not promising to change and also not make a sudden radical change (as that often will fail, but this is not the point). Actually starting to change, do the first step now. Not later, not tomorrow, not when I will be better. No nothing. Now.
I only quit my addiction(s, plural as there were quite a few) the day I did that first move not all those many times I promised I would soon change… for so many years.
People can change. I can obviously vouch for it. But saying one will change doesn’t mean much, if anything.
Then, another issue with changing is that too often the other person(s) to which one may have made a promise to change may be expecting a radical change instantly. This won’t work. Change requires a lot of efforts, a lot of patience, and a lot of good will (because things will not go straightforward) from anyone involved or concerned by said change.