I got a terrible date about a month back yeah where she ditched me after an hour and ghosted me, having earlier said “I don’t ghost people” but now another girl who dropped out of contact messaged me apologizing saying she was an asshole for not checking in sooner
I remember her being super cute with really pretty nails so I guess I’ll give her another shot because I am a chump and a simp and also oh man she is so pretty and sweet and kind
Yeah I’m over that other girl who gassed me up and dumped me without explanation, but this one was genuinely apologetic and never did anything to hurt me actively, just didn’t respond after a bit. I told her it was okay and she said it wasn’t, that she was being selfish and she should have gotten back to me sooner and frankly that’s more than most people would say to me. She refused to let me downplay it.
People make mistakes and also again she’s super cute and a cute girl could tie me to a chair and go reservoir dogs on me and I’d still be like "oh wow she’s paying attention to me
"This is how people get tied to chairs and get their kidneys cut out
By cute girls
Yeahhh pretty girls will get you. I literally had a girl misgendering me and shit and In my mind i was like… why are we even talking let’s make out. Bad brain
I praise jeebus every day that I met my wife right before the dating apps started meditating all human interaction
dating apps started meditating
The dating apps have gained sentience
Mediating
I think people just have nowhere else to go. I’ve never downloaded a dating app (nor have I ever considered myself “on the dating market”) because I’ve either been content to remain single for a stretch, or met someone through my existing communities; a friend of a friend, someone on the periphery of my social network, or just someone I’ve been around a bunch and never gotten to know well.
Dating is hard and it sucks, and the context it creates around getting to know someone puts such an immense pressure on you to show up and make a good first impression. Deciding to be romantically involved with someone (not to mention everything on the implied relationship escalator) I just met or have hung out with a few times would be nearly impossible for me. The only reason I could imagine myself doing it is if I had not had the kinds of periphery connections I mentioned above. The more I go on the internet in this stage of my adulthood, the more I realize a lot of people don’t have the sort of community that enables these.
So many of the superficial heuristics that people use in the dating world (yes, including looks) become less relevant when you have the time to get to know someone organically, without any contextual direction, desperation, or pressure slapped on the connection. Then you come to realize that you really like each other’s company and are starting to have feelings and there’s a solid foundation for it to build from there. But of course capital has ripped through all our social tissue so I don’t really have an answer, other than I lucked out. I did meet my most recent partner through organizing, whatever that’s worth
i was going to write something long and cringe but instead i’ll just say that i’m permanently ruined from lifelong loneliness and even if someone was interested in me i lack the mental health to safely engage in any kind of romantic relationship. i want to die.
Plenty of miserable people are in relationships it doesn’t really fix anything. I hope that you can find something that does make you feel less broken though. I’m sure that comes across as trite and insincere from an internet stranger but I’ve said some very similar things about myself, still do sometimes, and I wouldn’t wish that feeling on anyone
i have definitely seen firsthand how relationships don’t fix everyting lol, my roommates are a couple and they have a shouting/dramatically storming out of the house episode just about once a week. part of my loneliness is hesitance to be vulnerable to that kind of situation and difficulty finding someone i honestly think would be compatible in a healthy way. plus the closest thing i have to a job is gig economy shit, i need weed to stay sane and driving is my only marketable skill.
Capitalism is a fuck. I’m sorry that you feel so isolated I know how much that sucks. But nothings forever, yeah? Things won’t always be this bad, I know how it can seem that way. But things will get better, then they’ll get worse again, then they’ll get really bad, then they’ll start getting better again, and somewhere in there you’ll die.
That was supposed to be a joke, but seriously life goes in cycles try not to get to sucked into focusing on only the bad shit or you’ll miss the good parts
I was just getting into dating after getting over some mental health issues
Then the pandemic hit a month later and now I’m worse than when I startedThat’s why I don’t even try, cuz I’m too pathetic for this kind of shit
Please be kinder to yourself comrade
I hate dating, much easier to sell fake-used household items and feet pics
Last date I went on was back in 2014 lmao
2011 was my last before my hour drive $50 drinks date last month
I’ve had some self-esteem issues over it but now multiple women are like “you’re cute :)” and I’m all “fuck what do I do now”
So it is true that people have it easier with dating in their 30s then 😂
I mean I was just an absolute mess of a person in my 20s, a bitter 4channer who struggled to attain enough self-awareness to identify my problems, so I guess
What did you change?
Basically everything. I got serious about therapy and started seeing an ADHD specialist, and got back into physical therapy for my chronic pain. I took an online social skills group coaching thing to help me find my rough spots in my personality and my conduct during conversations, and build up my confidence. I started going out to karaoke with my coworkers and was surprised to find they were impressed with my singing. I got back into school to challenge myself to do things that were still frightening to me, like seriously pursuing my dream of being an author and exploring the possibilities of voiceover work. I got onto a plan to eliminate my medical/credit card debt. Started taking better care of myself, got a basic skin care routine. I grew out my beard and started taking good care of it, brushing it, oiling it, etc.
Since then I’ve practiced the basic advice they tell you: be polite, be appropriate, be interesting, be funny, present yourself well, and be honest. I’ve caught the interest of a few women and gotten started on figuring out what the hell I’m doing wrong, and lately really figured out how to learn from my failures and take the positives in stride. The last girl I went out with treated me poorly: stood me up on our first date, didn’t text me for a week, then had me drive out for an hour to meet for drinks only to ditch me after an hour with some excuse, and ghosting me. Quote from her: “I don’t ghost people.” But before that she had made it very clear to me that she liked me for my body as well as my personality (I guess just not my finances) and that helped me finally dispel some serious body image issues I’ve had. The other day another girl I thought I’d screwed up with reached out apologizing for not getting back to me sooner and refused to let me downplay what she’d done. She’s still bad at texting me back but I figure maybe this weekend she might have a chance to get back to me, but even if I never hear back from her again, I know I can probably find someone.
I had to navigate my way out of a lot of toxic core beliefs and keep myself alive against the urge to annihilate myself, but ultimately I had to learn to believe it’s possible to improve and grow and find the right person in time, and accept that pain, lots of pain will be inevitable, but you have to choose to give it meaning and keep going. And most of all, have patience, and protect your own heart. Go into things without expectations. Accept that good things might happen or they might not, but don’t pin your hopes on a certain outcome.
TLDR: Keep growing, keep learning. Self-improvement and confidence are in and of themselves attractive, and as you grow you will become a more attractive person overall to boot. And don’t allow the loser mentality to creep in. Know when to take a break, but don’t give up and don’t assume you’ll be alone forever. Dating sucks ass, even for hot people.
I’m hotter in my late 20s than I’ve ever been before
How did you get hotter?
I grew my hair out and stopped being depressed
Got in a relationship afterwards?
Nope!
Definitely interesting going on dates as a girl than as a guy. Free lunch!! (I literally try to pay but they won’t let me wtf)
I just found my person extremely randomly after giving up dating. Now I’m in love, help. This feels funky.
Tell the story please
I met them while I was on holiday. We started talking and I found out we overlapped in tons of ways. Conversation with her was so effortless and fun, we never stopped talking. Soon after I realized I was falling in love with her. I kept it quiet, because I didn’t want to mess it up. But then she was like “Hey, so what is the deal between us?”. I spilled the beans and we confessed that we had feelings for each other.
I think it helped that we weren’t looking for a relationship at all. dating always made me feel nervous, I would doubt myself and the dates would never feel genuine and feel forced. But this just worked itself out.
Last date I went on was about 2 years ago. I wasn’t rizz master or anything. But we both gave each other attention and rushed a bit into a relationship. To be honest, I think she would’ve made a wonderful friend.
Anyway. I’ve been called handsome, pretty, and cute by people before. I never believe them, but I’m starting to feel like I should force myself to. Playing to my strengths and all that. I hate smiling because I always do it during retail and so now it just feels odd, but whatever. Bite the bullet and all. Most of my hobbies are solitary, but I’m gonna try to keep at it because more than anything, people want to see that you have a life outside of a partner. Been also participating in more political organizations but haven’t had time to get to know anybody.
To be honest I prefer to wallow in misery, but I’m hoping to fall in love with someone before I get drafted in the US Army and ordered to storm the Taiwanese semiconductor plant. Reminder: the bastards in the CIA and FBI want you to be isolated from each other. A date, even a failed one, is another star on their wall.
Anyway. I’ve been called handsome, pretty, and cute
Starting to believe you are the real Ryan Gosling
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Most ppl use online now and as a guy online is a nightmare (unless you’re in the top 5-10% of guys in terms of looks, since that’s pretty much the only thing you’re judged by online). You’re gonna get barely any matches and out of those you are barely going to get any dates. If you’re a girl you may find it hard to find an actually good guy, but you won’t be wont for attention. Various studies have pretty much confirmed this. If this continues, then I only foresee a dark future ahead, as guys like Andrew Tate will funnel that frustration into their own movements. I posted a good video about this a while back: https://hexbear.net/post/613122 but it barely got any enagement, which makes me think leftists as a whole don’t want to face men’s loneliness issues on anything but a surface level.
The thing is that leftists don’t have any kind of answer for men’s loneliness. Not even superficial ones.
The right will use Jews or communists or slutty women as scapegoats for all their problems. Then they propose that the solutions are: working out 34/8, treating women like trash, chasing money, and becoming Patrick Bateman unironically.
Regardless of how abhorrent these solutions and answers are, they’re explicit, at least. But leftists will correctly point to capitalism and alienation as one of the biggest, if not, primary driver of men’s loneliness.
So capitalism makes me busier and poorer to do anything. It commodifies relationships and turns it into an HR job screening. It promotes unhealthy values and qualities. Social media BAD!!! But… then what?
No one has anything to propose other than reading about the history of the bullshit we’re facing, which is fine, but then what? It doesn’t address anything. You’re equipped with knowledge about why life sucks but your dick remains unsucked and your friends are talking discord heads.
People’s attention spans are shit, so “manipulate women until they love you unconditionally even through abuse” = tangible goal, while “dismantle capitalism and patriarchy” = abstract goal that takes millennia. The other common suggestions are go get a hobby or talk to people in groups or events, but I think it’s pretty clear these suggestions fall on deaf ears. These people’s self esteem are likely nonexistent. They likely don’t believe anything anymore. So telling them they just need to try harder won’t work.
Becoming less toxic, more presentable and interesting, and more understanding the world around you are all good goals that should be suggested. But it doesn’t result in anything, otherwise we wouldn’t be having this conversation.
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Teach me your ways
Good luck finding a leftist to give you concrete, actionable dating advice beyond “don’t be creepy and don’t smell weird.” I posted a good video a while back, but sadly it got very little engagement here: https://hexbear.net/post/613122. I’d highly recommend that video as it gives concrete advice.
Don’t put them on pedestals. Which is easier said than done because finding someone attractive and pursuing them means they’re above everyone else in terms of priority and interest, so it’s basically putting them on a pedestal. But try to eliminate that “imagining a future with them” idea, at least when you’re talking to them. When you’re more focused on the conversation, you’re not picturing the two of you on some mountain top making out in the car while she’s talking about test scores.
People like to give the advice “people like talking about themselves so ask questions,” but don’t take this too literally. If you find yourself asking question after question because all she does is answer and say nothing else, move on. I don’t care how much people like talking about themselves. If you have no interest in contributing to the conversation, there’s no point in me humoring you. Trying to push it will just make you look desperate, aloof, or annoying.
Offer your contact info. If she cares about you, she might text you. Otherwise, move on. Women tend to feel obligated to keep replying to weirdos out of kindness or safety, so if she’s the one messaging you first and trying to keep you on the line, then maybe she’s actually interested, otherwise she can ignore you and you’ll be even weirder by bringing it up like “hey… I gave you my number last week but you haven’t texted me. Can you make sure I gave you the right one?”
Here’s the truth: ugly, weird, and/or bland people fuck. The world is harsh, but unless you’re physically disfigured such as the Green Man , society will give you a chance. I dont mean any of this to be insulting for those who are disfigured. It’s just being awkward or fat is not a deal breaker compared to having no mouth or eyes. In fact I think being pessimistic is more insulting (and I am guilty of this) because they likely have 0%-1% of finding someone whereas you just sound weird while talking to girls.
Don’t worry it never lasts afterwards, once the honeymoon phase is over 💀
And there is not even honey in the moon to begin with 😰
But there is cheese!
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