The Pacific Northwest would be horrible to invade. Even if the people don’t offer much resistance trying to get through the Rocky Mountains would be disastrous. But they actually have militias out there too.
Here’s a cleaned up copy
One small fix
Ah yes, those dangerous gangs of San Louis Obispo in California are really getting out of hand!
I think they’re trying to reference LA and don’t realize how far south it actually is.
I’m far more afraid of the Nazis in Baton Rouge running this state than I am of Acadians hunting out in the swamps. Just don’t go in the swamp! The Nazis are actively making life worse whether you seek them or not.
As an Acadian I totally agree.
You forgot about the Illinois Nazis.
I hate Illinois nazis.
all the retired people in Florida too
Texas should just say “Guns”.
North Dakota should probably be “no civilization, no resources, and no warmth.”
Hey now, we have some resources. Like… uh… hotdish?
Why are you walking away, weren’t you invading?
Y’all grow a mean sugarbeet
Don’t you guys have a fire cavern? That has to produce some warmth.
No, that would require a cave, which implies the existence of interesting geological features.
I want to see what exactly what our Long Range Mormons (LRMs) are capable of
They’ve got a long pedigree…
As a resident of “this part wouldn’t be that tough”, i disagree. The entire Cascade range extending from the top of the central valley to the top of Washington, extending out to the ocean, is very very rough, steep, heavily forested terrain that would be absolute hell to get any kind of equipment through if the locals were to blow up a grand total of three bridges on three separate highways.
Also I always like to point out that Oregon has more guns per person than Texas, most people assume Oregon = Portland.
That stat is mainly because of Paul Harrell (RIP) and his brother.
And not only do we also wear shorts in the winter, we refuse to use umbrellas no matter how hard it’s pouring outside.
Also, Sasquatch.
Also: the emerald triangle and that whole area of NorCal are the far-right wackos who regularly fly the state of Jackson flags, they’re heavily armed and waiting to shoot people up there
Also, fat chance invading the USA from the Pacific. That’s like trying to get through a chastity belt by putting your dick in the padlock.
Replied to the wrong comment. Leaving it because.
Americans are the premier naval power.
Hawaii, Midway and other Pacific islands having monitoring stations.
The Pacific isn’t as easy to cross as you think due to it’s size and it has some nasty ass storms.
Pair that with the coastal regions usually having cliffs rather than somewhere a landing craft could pull up and it isn’t easy for a start.
Now mix in people who know the terrain and don’t want you there.
Why exactly?
The Pacific is pretty big, it’s an ocean after all.
The USA is particularly strong from that side. Most of its navy patrols those waters, many islands on the Pacific are USA territories all the way to Japan which itself acts as an arm of the USA Military since the forced demilitarization of Japan in WWII. Japan and other islands basically form a wall around the eastern mainland that would be difficult to cross undetected, and when they did reach the shore they might get flanked from Hawaii, Panama, or Alaska.
There is a reason Stalin chose to ally with and provide nuclear weapons to Cuba, and approach the USA via the gulf of mexico and Atlantic.
That’s good to know, thank you
The Americans are the premier naval power.
Hawaii, Midway and other Pacific islands having monitoring stations.
The Pacific isn’t as easy to cross as you think due to it’s size and it has some nasty ass storms.
Pair that with the coastal regions usually having cliffs rather than somewhere a landing craft could pull up and it isn’t easy for a start.
Now mix in people who know the terrain and don’t want you there.
you do conquer it but the locals keep trying to feed you organic, wild harvested, artisanal Amanita soup
So you’re telling me I get part of a country and the locals get me tripping balls?
Fuck yeah sign me up!
“Terrain is the first enemy your army will encounter” - Sun Tzu (not really, I just made that up)
Terrain is definitely an enemy you will encounter.
The first enemy your army will encounter is usually logistics.
Nah man, it’s the yo mama jokes you’re sending via Morse code nonstop
Depending on how far back you want to go, you could make the argument for your army’s first enemy being…
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Basic training
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Recruitment
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Their mothers’ birth canals
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The dating scene in their home villages
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The main reason you shouldn’t invade is that almost all of these people own guns.
guns
It’s almost 2025. You might as well count on your halberds and moats to keep you safe.
yea your gun will stop a fucking direct energy weapon liquefying the ground in a mile radius
Bueno chicos, nos quedamos con Oregon. Ya escucharon!
What’s the context for the Nazis in the northwest?
Idaho is also being taken over by gun nuts and crazy right wing fascists.
There are a lot of right-wing militias there. Oregon was basically settled for racist white people. Outside the major cities, the Pacific NW has a lot of fascists.
Oregon is unique in that early on they were anti-slavery because they were so racist that they didn’t want black people in the state even as slaves.
Ah, so theres some real-world reason the movie Green Room is set in Oregon? Interesting!
Yee fuckin’ haw.
“That still know the old ways”
A friend and I took an out-of-state friend to a bar and we ordered moonshine. My friend and I could not get over how wrong it felt to buy moonshine in a public place. With a permit.
I’m still surprised you can buy it legally.
That ain’t moonshine.
Moonshine is what you get from a shady hillbilly type off the side of a dirt road sitting in a shack with two shotguns on a wall. You ask him if he got any and he says something like “not fur free” with an almost toothless smile. He’s got horrible hair a stringy beard, and you get the sense he’s the kind of guy who don’t wash his hands a lot.
You give him the money first, then he takes a shotgun and walks behind the shack. He hands you the two gallons you bought, one in one of those plastic gallon jugs you get milk in and the other a weird looking metal pot that doesn’t look close to a gallon but you realize it’s probably best not to argue with this guy.
He pulls out a metal cup and another jug (that he left behind under the table he was at to get your stuff) and says “firs ones on me” pours you some, and you better fucking take it.
Yeah, there’s a real risk that this stuff might have less safe alcohols in it, but these guys don’t wanna die so it’s usually safe so you take the swig and regret everything that lead you up to this point as you cough down the highest proof corn and something else liquor you’ve ever had.
You politely tell him thank you and he gives you that grotesque smile as you drive away.
Why you doing things the hard way? Guy I buy from is an old family friend and he’ll meet you in a parking lot somewhere or you can ask to swing by his house.
Your guys doesn set a cap of it Allie to prove it is the right kind of alcohol?
No that’s the correct way to do it.
The way I described it is the “yeah you can literally do this lol” way
Ha which this reminds me of a story my dad told us when we asked if there was a shortcut through where we were going in the Ozarks. It was a time before phones.
“Peopleproblems, you don’t take shortcuts around here. You stick to the main roads, follow the signs, and make darn sure you have a map. When I was in college, engaged to your mom, we were on our way back from doxable university and we decided to do that, cause my friend (has a name), said he knew of one. We went with it - we came up to a stop sign, and this old beat up truck pulled up next to us. A short ugly looking thin as bones guy with a beard and no hair, with his unfortunately worse looking daughter. He gets out of the truck after he places his shot gun on the dashboard drunkenly steps on over to us and says ‘One o’ yee need to murry my daughter. She ain’t purty but she cook and clean real good. I don care wheech one o’ y’all does, but we got e’rything ready. Jus follow us on down ‘ere.’ My friend says something stupid, I can’t remember what, but his response was what I won’t forget: ‘I ain’t given yee a choice.’ As he heads back to the truck my friend just says ‘Gun it!’ and the little Gremlin I was in worked the hardest it ever had. Once we got back on the highway there was a mix of laughing and crying as we were facing a real shotgun wedding.”
We were young at the time, so he left the sad part out. Around there incest/rape was a known thing, and she had probably gotten pregnant. He was likely trying to find someone to marry her so he didn’t get the blame, she didn’t get the problems associated with being a single pregnant mother in hillbilly land, and the whole problem is solved. And he’d do it at gun point if he had to.
To be fair, the term “moonshine” nowadays doesn’t exclusively refer to illegally produced liquor and is often used to describe non-barrel-aged whiskey made from corn.
I have a feeling that they may mean real moonshine, not the stuff listed as moonshine in stores. Although it may not be considered “in public” I know a guy here that just left flyers at a local bar for his moonshine and would come by a few times a week and everyone knew which nights they’d be around. He’d reuse gallon jugs that used to have water, or those cheap punches you’d buy in stores. Most people would by a pint or quart though. He’d flavor some, but getting a gallon of it plain just basically tastes like slightly off grain alcohol.
At the end of the day, whatever was getting sucked out of the plastic bottle into the alcohol was likely just as bad for us as the alcohol itself.
I stopped going to bars, and cut back drinking by a long shot, but I’m sure if he’s not around still someone likely took his place.
Ahhh moonshine. Used to know a southern guy, who wanting to get wrecked at parties but being broke, would buy gallon jugs of the stuff from “a guy I know”. Which clearly was pretty potent - once poured into a foam cup over some ice, it would dissolve out the whole bottom of the foam cup before he could put the mixer in.
The “solution” was to put the Mountain Dew in first, so the shine is diluted enough to keep the cup’s integrity while he drank it… I outta check up on him, see how he’s doin’
I never tried putting it in a foam cup! Good on him for the Mountain Dew. I don’t drink the stuff but that’s historically what it was made for- as a mixer for moonshine.
Today I Learned that Mountain Dew was meant to be mixed with whiskey, which apparently tastes kinda like a whiskey sour?
Thanks for the cool history drop friend!
That stuff’s for tourists. I haven’t drank a drop in 7 years and I can still get you a jar of real shine if you want.
That’s exactly what I’m trying to say! Absolutely baffling. We kept telling him we could get him some of the real deal but he is just so shockingly adverse to anything he thinks might be even a teensie bit less-than-legal and I still can’t understand how I became friends with someone like him.
