I socially transitioned before I started hormones, and when I went out in public wearing women’s clothes, people would look at me frequently, and some people would stare at me. It was obvious I didn’t pass from these kinds of responses, but I also got somewhat used to that treatment.

Over time, with hormone therapy, I get fewer and fewer instances of this. I haven’t been stared at in a long time, and I think people look at me less.

At one point I would describe my experience as being a “woman shaped object” - in people’s peripheral vision I looked like a normal woman, but if someone interacted with me they could tell I was trans.

I went out yesterday and got my nails done, went shopping, went out for dinner, etc. and interactions with people made me think they couldn’t tell I was trans, but I just don’t know whether they can actually tell or not.

While waiting in line to buy some clothes, a woman wanted to chat about how long the line was taking, and she interacted with me as though I were a normal woman - there wasn’t a hint of stigma, curiosity, etc.

Anyway - this just makes me wonder: what are others’ experiences with passing and not-passing, what are little clues that you aren’t passing or when you are?

I assume you just can’t actually tell when people are being polite vs not knowing, but maybe there are little hints.

Thanks!

  • lolola@lemmy.blahaj.zone
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    7
    ·
    6 days ago

    Ah yes, the they/them when I go as she/her… Although it sort of irks me right when I hear it, l still see it as a sign of progress – I’ve made it to the gray area! That’s better than where I started!

    • Fosheze@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      2
      ·
      4 days ago

      To be fair, I tend to they/them even cis people unless I know them and know what they prefer. Better to assume neutral rather than one way or the other.

    • dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOP
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      7
      ·
      6 days ago

      yes, you get it 😅 “androgynous” is better than “man”, and “I don’t know your gender and I want to be polite” is better than “sir” or he/him. Still, makes me feel like my gender is broken or something.

      • lolola@lemmy.blahaj.zone
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        6
        ·
        5 days ago

        I wouldn’t blame gender per se. More that it blows their minds, and that’s what’s broken.

        You know, positive self-talk. You’re mind-blowing.