Couple months ago I met a woman who works at a dispensary I visit about once a week. We hit it off really well. Despite trying to just keep it casual sex, and that only, I ended up developing some feelings for her. She confessed the same to me. I even introduced her to my teenaged daughter, for fucks sake.

I ran into her this evening at a gas station, with another guy, who turns out to be her husband. They’ve been married five years, and have two children together, ages 4 and 2. Finding out they have kids just made me feel disgusting.

So, I told him. He didnt believe me until I described a tattoo in a somewhat intimate place on her body. I had no fucking clue she was married. I think I ruined someone’s marriage. Or at least took part in ruining one.

I feel guilty. I am sorry for what I participated in. Am I a bad person?

    • SadArtemis [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
      15·
      2 months ago

      Obviously,you should make sure the person you’re outing wouldn’t be put in danger by this first,but it’s definitely not something to be excused

      I mean, if someone were to be put in danger by being exposed- wouldn’t that be a pretty damn good excuse?

      • LigOleTiberal [he/him]@hexbear.netEnglish
        52·
        2 months ago

        there’s any number of reasons people “cheat” and main one is that the very idea of monogamy and cheating stands from patriarchal monotheism and the fact that through ask of human history large numbers of adults have “cheated” or lived in non-monogamous societies shows that the idea that it is “BAD” to cheat it moralistic and idiotic.

        • jack [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
          34·
          2 months ago

          Monogamy long predates patriarchal monotheism. Jews didn’t invent marriage. And while there have always been cultures without strict monogamy, there have also always been cultures with strict monogamy - and often these can exist in the same culture. How that makes the voluntary choice to be monogamous universally bad and therefore cheating is universally good I don’t know.

        • Infamousblt [any]@hexbear.netEnglish
          241·
          2 months ago

          Non ethical non monogamy is no different from patriarchal monogamy. Get outta here with your bad takes that because toxic monogamy exists it’s okay to be a lying sack of shit to your partners. Non monogamy is great but it has to be done ethically and consensually or it’s just a different style of bad

        • Adlach@lemmygrad.mlEnglish
          14·
          2 months ago

          Pretty sure my wife would be mad at me if I cheated on her. Is she an agent of the patriarchy?

        • RomCom1989 [he/him, any]@hexbear.netEnglish
          6·
          2 months ago

          I agree,but under the current monogamous paradigm, people are going to feel hurt and betrayed by this sort of behavior

          So,even considering this,it would have been reasonable to expect that she would have told him beforehand

          Until a more enlightened age arrives,where more types of human connection other than monogamy will be commonplace, we can assume most people will have been socially conditioned to expect an exclusive arrangement and may not wish to take part in less conventional types of relationships and then act accordingly