Maybe try to avoid this defeatist way of thinking? It hard, sure, not trying to downplay the harsh reality of dating, but giving up will not help you find a partner.
It’s like giving up on life because you can accidentally die tomorrow.
At least, meet new people, not trying to date anyone and maybe make friends. Maybe and maybe with some time, one of this new friend will become a lover?
Worst case scenario you got more friends. Maybe they have friends themselves and you can meet new people?
Forget about loyalty, peacefulness, kindness or handsomeness like they are traits in a video game. A mid girl can become you crush by the way they talk to you about their experience of something you share.
Try to be the best human being you can become. It’s a lifelong journey. Meet people to expand your perspective. Try sometime to get out of your comfort zone.
But also be kind to yourself, allow time to heal from pain and hardship. Allow yourself to cry, it “reset” your nervous system and process an emotional event.
As for your awful experience of racism, I’m sorry you had to go though that. But don’t forget that you dodge a massive bullet. How would you have like living with someone who devalue you for your skin color?
Sorry if I sound preachy, I hope you get my message and good intentions. A friend of mine followed for most of his life this “love is not for me” mentality and now regret this choice and is trying his best to live his life fully.
In the end, it’s your choice, feel free to ignore everything I just said off course.
Whatever your choices, good luck, I wish you the best 🫶
Thank you for your kind words but as I said before "some of the worst people in history have been able to find partners and keep those partners.* Heck, we read and watch about stories on true crime channels all the time where a persom who repeatedly punched and emotionally abused their partners was able to convince that abused party to keep om and keep om and keep on coming back to them.
And then you have people who wouldnt hurt a fly, take care of their body and their mind and put themselves oit there for others to date and they never met a single person , despite their hardest efforts. Dating is random
There are no soulmatess. There is no ethereal Space Gods perfectly glcrafting other humans for each of us obviously. Dating is very random. In the past dating was probably more random with the commonality of arranged marriages and impossibly difficult divorce laws that made loveless marriages waaay more common. (Well at least weve reduced those types of relationships . Phew! We need to keep on reducing such relationships since they hirt society.) As I said before datinfg is random.
Also about the defeatiam. Ive been rejected probably 200 times (I actually lost count after about 120 but Im guessing Ive almost reached 300 so far) It is actually normal for the human brain to accept a defeatist attitude to something that youve failed 200 times. Thats how the brain works, no? If a person has failed a test 200 times …what do you think theyll be thinking the 201st time? …
Sometimes there are dating rules that make no sense (like people who repeatedly choose to go back to partners that are abusive and even deadly…) Sometims there are rules that make a lot of sense (Males should make an effort to ensure that the ladies that they ask out feel safe and can say no and that they can escape if those ladies feeo that the situation is too awkward for the ladies, seeing as how males are the taller and heavier of our species) Daring is veery random . Most of the rules of dating are sort of like quantum mechanics - there are many things we dont know.
If you want to keep on and keep on trying to complete this difficult test even though youve failed 3 million times ? Up to you! If one failure is enough? Up to you. If dating is just to nonsensical for you to ever get into? Up to you. We are all adults here . We shouod not judge or restrict a kind, peaceful person who doesnt want to date or does want to date. Regardless of whatever gender they are or whoever they want to date. Love is love at the end of the day
TLDR. Dating is random. If youre a lonely, kind person who takes care of yourself , your communites , and your mental health and your still lonely? Its not your fault. Sometimes it just is what it is🫂 Some awful people have had dozens of partners. Some kind people never met a single person who reciprocated their love. Soulmates dont really exist if you think carefully about. Love and peace y’all . Bye. ❤️🩹🫂
P.S. If anyone wants to read more about that TLDR I would recommend that ‘The Nuance Pill’ articles from substack
If it’s dating sites, that’s just how online dating is. You gotta slog through until you actually find someone, and it can take forever.
But if it’s actually 200 times in person without a single success, you’re doing something wrong. Maybe it’s how you ask, your attitude when asking, or maybe it’s your personality in general, but there’s one common denominator here.
“I’ve done everything right and no one will date me,” sounds dangerously close to incel logic. If you’re not sure what it is that is turning people away, maybe therapy can help.
But also …dude did you read what I typed? I said ots OK if nobody wants to date me . There have been millions of humans born before me who were just like me(and honestly there wil probably be millions more born after me) . Humans who worked out , got their mental health as well as one xan get it to be alone and put tjemselves out there…and…STILL didnt meet anyone who reciprocated their love. Thats perfectly OK. Thats just life. It is what it is🤷🏿♂️🫂 If someone cant accept that? They ought not be dating.
How am I anywhwre close to an incel? lool That term has been tarnished far and away from the lady that first invented it. its sad to be honest cause the term could have been used to describe those who are always feeling ‘lwft out’ from friendships, relationships, and physical love…
Aoso incels tend to believe that ‘tHeRe’s OnLy tWo GemDeRs’ lie and I believe in the Mosaic Model Of Gender so there could be unlimited genders and anyone of any gender can date anyone of any other gender as long as theyre consenting adults. And also incels tend to beleive that males are a ‘sUpEriOr GeNdeR’ (We obviously arent based on the state of the genocidal patriarchal world today) I will never beleive that. All genders deserve equality and equity
Also ive been to therapy for 3 years after I turned 23. It barely helped . My therapist told me about cognitive distorrtions which helped me get my. head right when I gave myself too mant ultimatums. SHe also told me about ‘Self-Touch Meditation’ for my touch starvation…its meh . It will DEFINIRELY not solve a person’s problems related to f touch starvation. I realise that what I probably need now is a relief from my touch starvation and friends I can connect with and ‘cry on their shoulders’ whem im going through something. They can cry on my shoulders too. I will console them and hug them when they need me. Im tjinking about getting a pet or something soft I can cuddle like a BIG teddy bear …
Maybe try to avoid this defeatist way of thinking? It hard, sure, not trying to downplay the harsh reality of dating, but giving up will not help you find a partner.
It’s like giving up on life because you can accidentally die tomorrow.
At least, meet new people, not trying to date anyone and maybe make friends. Maybe and maybe with some time, one of this new friend will become a lover? Worst case scenario you got more friends. Maybe they have friends themselves and you can meet new people?
Forget about loyalty, peacefulness, kindness or handsomeness like they are traits in a video game. A mid girl can become you crush by the way they talk to you about their experience of something you share. Try to be the best human being you can become. It’s a lifelong journey. Meet people to expand your perspective. Try sometime to get out of your comfort zone. But also be kind to yourself, allow time to heal from pain and hardship. Allow yourself to cry, it “reset” your nervous system and process an emotional event.
As for your awful experience of racism, I’m sorry you had to go though that. But don’t forget that you dodge a massive bullet. How would you have like living with someone who devalue you for your skin color?
Sorry if I sound preachy, I hope you get my message and good intentions. A friend of mine followed for most of his life this “love is not for me” mentality and now regret this choice and is trying his best to live his life fully.
In the end, it’s your choice, feel free to ignore everything I just said off course. Whatever your choices, good luck, I wish you the best 🫶
Thank you for your kind words but as I said before "some of the worst people in history have been able to find partners and keep those partners.* Heck, we read and watch about stories on true crime channels all the time where a persom who repeatedly punched and emotionally abused their partners was able to convince that abused party to keep om and keep om and keep on coming back to them.
And then you have people who wouldnt hurt a fly, take care of their body and their mind and put themselves oit there for others to date and they never met a single person , despite their hardest efforts. Dating is random
There are no soulmatess. There is no ethereal Space Gods perfectly glcrafting other humans for each of us obviously. Dating is very random. In the past dating was probably more random with the commonality of arranged marriages and impossibly difficult divorce laws that made loveless marriages waaay more common. (Well at least weve reduced those types of relationships . Phew! We need to keep on reducing such relationships since they hirt society.) As I said before datinfg is random.
Also about the defeatiam. Ive been rejected probably 200 times (I actually lost count after about 120 but Im guessing Ive almost reached 300 so far) It is actually normal for the human brain to accept a defeatist attitude to something that youve failed 200 times. Thats how the brain works, no? If a person has failed a test 200 times …what do you think theyll be thinking the 201st time? …
Sometimes there are dating rules that make no sense (like people who repeatedly choose to go back to partners that are abusive and even deadly…) Sometims there are rules that make a lot of sense (Males should make an effort to ensure that the ladies that they ask out feel safe and can say no and that they can escape if those ladies feeo that the situation is too awkward for the ladies, seeing as how males are the taller and heavier of our species) Daring is veery random . Most of the rules of dating are sort of like quantum mechanics - there are many things we dont know.
If you want to keep on and keep on trying to complete this difficult test even though youve failed 3 million times ? Up to you! If one failure is enough? Up to you. If dating is just to nonsensical for you to ever get into? Up to you. We are all adults here . We shouod not judge or restrict a kind, peaceful person who doesnt want to date or does want to date. Regardless of whatever gender they are or whoever they want to date. Love is love at the end of the day
TLDR. Dating is random. If youre a lonely, kind person who takes care of yourself , your communites , and your mental health and your still lonely? Its not your fault. Sometimes it just is what it is🫂 Some awful people have had dozens of partners. Some kind people never met a single person who reciprocated their love. Soulmates dont really exist if you think carefully about. Love and peace y’all . Bye. ❤️🩹🫂
P.S. If anyone wants to read more about that TLDR I would recommend that ‘The Nuance Pill’ articles from substack
Were these IRL, or on dating sites?
If it’s dating sites, that’s just how online dating is. You gotta slog through until you actually find someone, and it can take forever.
But if it’s actually 200 times in person without a single success, you’re doing something wrong. Maybe it’s how you ask, your attitude when asking, or maybe it’s your personality in general, but there’s one common denominator here.
“I’ve done everything right and no one will date me,” sounds dangerously close to incel logic. If you’re not sure what it is that is turning people away, maybe therapy can help.
like 90% of the rejections were IRL
But also …dude did you read what I typed? I said ots OK if nobody wants to date me . There have been millions of humans born before me who were just like me(and honestly there wil probably be millions more born after me) . Humans who worked out , got their mental health as well as one xan get it to be alone and put tjemselves out there…and…STILL didnt meet anyone who reciprocated their love. Thats perfectly OK. Thats just life. It is what it is🤷🏿♂️🫂 If someone cant accept that? They ought not be dating.
How am I anywhwre close to an incel? lool That term has been tarnished far and away from the lady that first invented it. its sad to be honest cause the term could have been used to describe those who are always feeling ‘lwft out’ from friendships, relationships, and physical love…
Aoso incels tend to believe that ‘tHeRe’s OnLy tWo GemDeRs’ lie and I believe in the Mosaic Model Of Gender so there could be unlimited genders and anyone of any gender can date anyone of any other gender as long as theyre consenting adults. And also incels tend to beleive that males are a ‘sUpEriOr GeNdeR’ (We obviously arent based on the state of the genocidal patriarchal world today) I will never beleive that. All genders deserve equality and equity
Also ive been to therapy for 3 years after I turned 23. It barely helped . My therapist told me about cognitive distorrtions which helped me get my. head right when I gave myself too mant ultimatums. SHe also told me about ‘Self-Touch Meditation’ for my touch starvation…its meh . It will DEFINIRELY not solve a person’s problems related to f touch starvation. I realise that what I probably need now is a relief from my touch starvation and friends I can connect with and ‘cry on their shoulders’ whem im going through something. They can cry on my shoulders too. I will console them and hug them when they need me. Im tjinking about getting a pet or something soft I can cuddle like a BIG teddy bear …
I will have to see what solutions I find 🤷🏿♂️