yayyayyayaa :3 ❤️❤️❤️

as an aphantasiac I will literally describe the worst possible scene and you will be forced to picture it

and I will win

:3

hehe yes yes…

the pictures, the self-comfort, the mindset, it’s all worth everything I have :3

absolutely!! can almost always tell or at the very least suspect when something is AI-generated and it’s very offputting. makes me less likely to engage with whatever it is

aroace, genuinely here for the story :3c

I already love it so much >////<

every time I type on my phone or do anything with my hands I see tnem and it’s amazing :3

just “Black to black”, I think the lighting made it look a bit strange!!

it does!!! on my right hand at least… on my left I messed it up a bit on two fingers TwT

but it’s my first time so I can forgive myself!!!

nope!! just some random stuff that was available at the store, Sally Hansen

aaaa >///<

every time I type on my phone or my computer or do literally anything with my hands I see them and it makes me so happy :3

fuck cars.

I just woke up and hair very messy :(

through the last of my high school years I just began to feel like shit, very depressed. couldn’t put a reason to why or how, so I never got help for it. my thoughts became dangerous but I couldn’t just… leave I had people that needed me and loved me too much for that. but still… it never changed the fact that I felt like I was living in third person.

traditional “guy” friendships were ones I never understood. I always had an easier time talking with girls my age, and especially when I clarified that I was aroace. I’m lucky that barrier could be broken from the get-go, but I still didn’t feel complete.

in the mirror, I never saw a person that I actually loved. no matter what I wore or how I styled my facial/head hair, I was always doing it for someone else. I was trying to emulate what should’ve looked good, not what made me feel good.

seeing the hatred around trans people sprouting up around the U.S., I never understood it. my logic was, if they aren’t hurting anyone, why is it an issue? and also being glad I wasn’t being subjected to that hate. still… seeing other MTFs… no. that can’t be me. I wouldn’t even look good as a girl. I already look too masc. where would I start? that would uproot everything in my life. there’s too much to lose…

I put up a good (bad?) fight. I suppressed those thoughts for nearly three years. nonetheless, two months after I turned 18, I was up far too late in the night and I tried on some different clothes. from there, it all came crashing down.

and now here I am. shaky, but sure of myself.

:3

LMAO might get myself one of those

thx ❤️❤️

previously living under her roof I can assure you that there are no wrong conclusions here 💀

hehe thank you!! I always try to write in my free time about whatever goes on, whether that be just privately kept on my computer or posting about it

ayyy I recognize you from my other post!!! hi!!!

it would depend on what kind of help, I think I’ve got it from here insane as that sounds. the only thing I need right now is a job, but I don’t think anyone can help me with that but myself, and despite my computer skills nobody wants to hire someone without professional experience… :(

I’ll consider your offer open!

my thought is, wherever those words came from, no matter how expected it may seem, it doesn’t make it right.

I’ve gotten a new phone line, changed my important stuff and shut off the other one. I know spawnpoint probably wouldn’t shut off my phone, but having control over that communication channel and a part of my life is reassuring because I still don’t trust her. the only one that can contact me is my grandma now.

I don’t expect her to cozy up after this, but if she does I won’t entertain it. I’ve been brief with her ever since she shut down my feelings the first time and I feel no obligation to engage with her outside of upcoming therapy.

grandma knows where I am and I’m keeping in touch with her only. she understands I’m prioritizing my wellbeing and by extension my studies. I’ll see what I can do because she lives far from my school.

as for spawnpoint, I’m not sure whether she ers on the side of bigotry or misunderstanding. I was ok with her crying and I tried to be as accommodating as possible while I awaited a session with a therapist to talk things out in a controlled environment.

nonetheless, I don’t want to stay in a house where that’s what someone says to me or thinks of me. I don’t wanna have to walk on eggshells deciding whether something I want to do to care for myself will cause her to lash out. I mean hell I was afraid to use a hair dryer or shave my face. being there wasn’t good for my health.

safe to say I’ll try my best to avoid talking to her outside of that upcoming appointment.