I like your questions blues. I feel we have come from similar backgrounds. I’ve just passed the 20s, and my life has been not worth it. I’d be relieved to die any day (or to have died at any point prior). My parents were abusive, my extended family were dysfunctional, and my childhood was isolation incarnate. I think this question’s heading is life, although it skirts around that. Suicide is painful. If anyone manages to commit then that’s the right time for them. It really is not something one can just “choose”. It’s not a choice.

I don’t think material conditions play much into this decision, though when articulated it may appear they do. “I don’t have friends,” “I don’t have a car”, “I don’t have a non-degrading job”, “I don’t have a house”, etc. It’s a feeling. One could have everything they thought they craved and still feel miserable and despondent. One could have nothing and be in high spirits. I don’t think anyone knows how to control emotions enough that they’re able to guide someone to a social ‘norm’. I’d suggest engaging with doctors though, and that ranges through to the general practitioner to the specialized psychiatrist, and all those professions in between.

History abounds with morose writings. It’s not a new question, and I don’t think it’ll ever have a definitive answer. Just keep trying different things, and keep talking to others as much as you can, because whilst an individual might not have a definitive answer you usually can find something with enough data.

As someone who’s been in a similar position… you can’t. I was extremely isolated and ‘homeschooled’ throughout my formative years. It appears to me that the feeling of alienation from peers is something most homeschooled children feel, and it doesn’t seem to go away. Crushing depression and anxiety resulted in a type of self-isolation in my latter years, which my dysfunctional parents enabled to an irresponsible degree.

The knee-jerk response seems to be “seek therapy” or inane platitudes like “you can live life now!”. They feel invalidating and trivialize our issues. On one hand it’s understandable. Unless you’ve been through this sort of abuse it’s probably impossible to accurately imagine its effects. On the other hand it’s just really sad and frustrating.

We’re missing a critical foundation. I don’t know if that can be restored. Personally, I don’t think it can. I’ll tell you the things I thought might help, but I failed at: try to get an education and qualifications, as you’ll have to work and these result in better opportunities. Try and socialize as much as you can. It will be difficult, and it will likely remain difficult, but you’ll likely get better at masking with enough practice. Talk to therapists that specialize in CPTSD maybe. I don’t really know… I’m struggling in similar circumstances, and I really haven’t found anything that helps.