I went to it, and that seems right. It’s an interesting website.

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As an older millennial this is the most amazing description of this gum that I wish I would have thought of.

You know, I thought about that last message for a long time, and either you are fairly young, or still very idealistic, or lack life experience, or some combination of the above. I don’t mean that as an insult. Merely an observation. I hope you’ll see why I don’t mean that as an insult by the end.

Morals are a funny thing. You see or hear about behaviors and think I’d never do that, or that would never happen to me. When in reality you should probably be telling yourself I hope I never have to do that, or I hope that never happens to me.

Now, I’m not going to admit to anything serious for obvious reasons. But I was a serious heroin addict for over 10 years. I can honestly say I maybe missed 20 days in those over 10 years. On average I did 4 bags at $15 a pop (so $60) a day. All with no job. I never was good at stealing. However believe it or not I’m fairly good at talking.

So, that got me thinking of the more heinous ways I supported my habit. Like, I used to be friends with this girl. She was my sister in law. Hell, she is still my sister in law. I’m still married to my second wife that isn’t my partner I live with and have kids with.

Anyway, we did dope together, and one day she came to me and says I’m pregnant, and I can’t hit my vein please help. So, I did. I injected a pregnant woman with heroin all through the 9 months she was pregnant. He baby was born addicted and I helped facilitate that. Mainly because she helped to support my habit.

Another way I used to support my habit was befriending my dope man. This didn’t pay off often, but it was just another thing that helped me get discounts and the occasional free bag.

It also paid big when they would reup from a new supplier. Because I as a trusted friend would get a call to come test the new dope and tell him if it’s good or not. Normally this went off without a hitch. But I have a fun story for that too.

It was my second wife’s birthday, and we had no money. So she tells me to call H and ask if he’ll give us some bags. I did and he says forget about money I’m going to tell you a place to come to. He gives me directions and tells me to bring my “tools” that meant our needles and I used the concave bottom of a coke can instead of a spoon and a piece of cigarette filter instead of cotton.

Now before I go any further I live in Birmingham, Al. My city is regularly on the top 5 most murders per capita.

We go to the place H told us to go to. It turned out to be a sketchy run down strip mall with no businesses in it. One of the retail spaces had blankets over the windows and I parked in front of that one.

Finally, someone waved us in. We walk in and there were like 8-10 large black men with visible guns.

I only mention race because when you walk into a situation that is tense as fuck and don’t look like everyone else. The tension gets turned up a bit. Not to mention that black drug dealers generally don’t trust white people because they think white people snitch more.

To paint you a picture of the scene we walked into. This “retail space” had a wet bar on the back wall where the register used to go. There were couches lining the walls. In between us and the bar are 2 pool tables. The pool table closest to me had a brand new rectangle shaped kilo brick of heroin on it. Still had the plastic wrap cut off but under it.

H comes over and tells us to have a seat. So, naturally we have a seat. We sat there being silent for what felt like an eternity. The whole while watching people come and go trying to sell stolen goods. There was one guy with big dread locks that was in charge. He was telling everyone what to do.

So, H finally gets some of that dope off the pool table and gives us some. We do it and it’s good. It’s real good and we say so. We go to leave but H said we have to stay for a while, because “white folks bring too much attention”. He said he’ll tell us when we can leave.

This other white couple shows up, and does some dope and start saying it wasn’t good while nodding out on the sofa. Typical junkie behavior.

But then this long haired greasy skinny zombie looking white dude shows up. H gives him some dope and the guy immediately overdoses. Hits the floor and turns blue. My wife starts freaking the fuck out. The other white couple are losing their fucking shit. The large men with guns are getting antsy.

I stand up and yell at my wife and the other couple to shut the fuck up and sit down. H and I grab this man overdosed on the floor. I grab his ankles and H grabbed his shoulders, and we laid him out on the pool table that wasn’t covered in dope. Meanwhile the man in charge yells at one of the armed men. He said “Go to the gas station and get 2 bags of ice. You been walking around here all day like you got rocks in your pants but I need you to hurry. Remember motherfucker I pay youSO FUCKING HURRY!!”

I’ve already decided that if it comes down to it. I will dump this man’s car and body in the woods somewhere if I get to live. The man with the ice returns, and H and I start stuffing ice in the overdose victims pants up his shirt in his god damn underwear. I am silently begging the void for this man to wake up.

While this is going on I’m watching his eyelids. I know from experience that is the first thing to move when people wake up. His color starts to come back. I see those eyelids twitch. I start slapping this man in the face I’m now yelling for this motherfucker to just WAKE THE FUCK UP!

He opened his eyes then starts to close them again. Not on my watch. State slapping him again HARD. I have sweat rolling off my face. My high is blown. The opens his eyes again. I asked him a random question. He tries to answer it but it comes out nonsense.

Doesn’t matter he is alive. The point is though. I was absolutely going to use dumping his body as a bargaining chip for my own life.

If you had told me even 5 years earlier that I would have made that decision. I would have told you that you were full of shit. There could be arguments made for the “I had no choice” defense. My life was possibly on the line.

But the reality is that we ALWAYS have a choice. To paraphrase Bud from Kill Bill, and I’m paraphrasing because the original quote was racist. I don’t dodge guilt, and I don’t get out of paying my comeuppance. I did those things. I’m not proud of what I did, but when your back is against the wall you have to make a decision. I could have not shot my sister in law up while pregnant. Sure, she would have literally cried and begged me, and repeatedly stabbed herself until she just injected it into her skin probably causing an abscess. But that wasn’t the path I chose.

I’m clean now. I’m even off the methadone. I am 100% sober. I don’t even smoke cigarettes anymore.

I hope that you live a long and happy life where you never have to find out what you’d do if push came to shove. Because life is like that Mike Tyson quote. “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.”

As a bit of redemption though. I got off dope and my best friend from the age of 6 died of an overdose when his son was only 3. His son was going to go into foster care and i became his legal guardian. That young man is now 12 years old. He makes me proud every single day. I love him with all of my heart. I know his dad would be proud too, and I tell him that every chance I get. I also work personally with the homeless in my area using my money.

All humans are capable of great love and terrible cruelty under the right circumstances. I genuinely hope you never have to find out what your made of.

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When I was a little kid I asked my grandfather one time what it was like to “fight evil”. His response was something along the lines of “I didn’t fight evil. They were just a bunch of scared kids doing what they were told. Just like me.”

My grandfather fought in Europe, but Japan was still what kicked off WWII. So, I was super nervous about bringing home the woman that would become my first wife for the first time. Her family was from Okinawa.

When we got there he sat down at the kitchen table and talked to her for a long time. I was in and out doing stuff for the dinner, but they looked happy enough. Later that day he caught me outside and gave me a hug. He told me that she was a good woman and I’d be crazy if I didn’t marry her.

I really miss my grandfather. He was mostly a good dude.

Here’s a picture of him during the battle of the bulge. It’s from a book I have, but this picture was originally published in “Yank” magazine. The original clipping sat over his chair in the living room my entire life.

So, for anyone that’s curious, testicles are weird pain wise. They have a lot of pressure sensitive nerves on the surface of the testicles themselves. But if you, for example, were to hypothetically push a needle like object into the center of a testicle. You would feel the pressure of the needle pushing on the testicle, but once it pops through there is very little sensation at all.

Edit: Even though this is true this is NOT medical advice. Do not do this as it could have potentially serious consequences. I feel like I shouldn’t have to say this, but here we are.

See the difference is in how we view morality. You see things very black and white. I see things as gray which is to say human. Even Mao Zedong the greatest mass murderer in recorded history was just a normal ass dude. He just had too much power and terrible ideas. He wasn’t a literal monster. He was a human flesh and blood like you and i. Doing what he thought was right for his country and himself, because he a human.

I have lived a lot. I have outlived most of the people I grew up with. I’ve seen people be monsters and simultaneously be saints.

I have done things that I swore I never would for various reasons. I have done horrible things. I have also done great things. People aren’t either good or bad. They are just people.

I could keep arguing with you about how much we do know about slave situations from antiquity. Because we know a ton. Especially the Greeks and Roman’s wrote everything down. But we know a good bit about the Arab slave trade too.

I could post links to every African genocide committed by every European nation that existed at the time. The Belgian Congo is especially nightmarish.

The US is not unique except it fought the change.

I don’t want to continue this conversation. Just because at some point some idiot is going think I’m defending slavery and I’m not. Slavery is bad and I think we can all agree on that. But I stand by my statement. If you look at over 10000 years of history. Only in the last like 300 years have we decided as a society it’s bad.

I hope you have a good week friend.

Ahhh I see. Well I’m not gay, but I’m not really straight either. However, I never picked anyone up from the gay bars. This particular gay bar was a private club. That means that when all the other bars closed at 2am. This place was still open. Hell, this particular gay bar was open on Christmas morning. I’ve gone in there on Christmas morning and it’s just 3 people sitting there me included.

My ancestor did murder millions of innocent people. Nor did any other confederate soldier for that matter. They supported a system that murdered countless innocent people.

So, at best they would be compared to rank and file German soldiers.

Honestly, I felt like an asshole not helping, and she didn’t offer them anything for their help. Looking back maybe that was a sign. But yeah I thought that these 2 guys that got her car running deserved at least a 12 pack of beer each (remember we are talking mid 90s prices). So, I gave them a 20. Plus if I’m being 100% honest. I was probably trying to look cool. It did not impress. Heh

You say that the US was unique, but once again we have proof that tons of slaves were used to do dangerous jobs like mining for thousands of years. We know about their high mortality rates. The Spartans famously had more slaves than citizens. It’s a large part of why they were the way they were. Slavery is a very unfortunate part of human history.

In mor recent times. European nations cut out the middle man and just enslaved large swaths of Africa. There is nothing unique about the USA except the civil war.

I mean right now slavery is still a thing in places like China and the Middle East. Hell, it’s still a thing in the USA. Legally! There is legal slavery in the US through prisons.

None of these facts make slavery any less terrible. But also, we can’t deny that for most of history humans have been disgusting ghouls.

One day people will look back on us and talk about how horrible we were. How we destroyed the planet. They will hate us for our abuse of the planet. They will paint us with the same broad brush that you currently wield.

But right now, in this moment, you and I know that we are just trying to live within what is considered acceptable for the time. We have to have things that come in packages that pollute the very blood that flows through our veins. We have to use vehicles that pollute the air in our lungs.

We are also simultaneously terrible and just a normal human. We are also just doing the best we can with the flawed knowledge we have. But hopefully we learned something from the humans that came before us and repeat as few mistakes as possible.

Well, cheers I guess. People are complicated. I guess that I can acknowledge that a person is flawed. While still admitting that they were probably a flawed human doing the best they could with the flawed information they had. You and I included.

I hope that one day you too will be able to see monsters for the humans they really are.

Well, when she and I talked, she said that she had an arrangement with several bars around the city. Where she would buy those test tube shots and walk around and sell them. Then give the bar a cut of the profits. She went to gay bars and country bars, and dance clubs.

I think the seedy gay bar part says more about me than her if I’m being honest. Heh.

So, I think you misunderstood what I was saying. I’m going to attempt to explain, but I just want it to be known that I don’t condone slavery. Because I think that you think that I’m celebrating my ancestry. I am not. I am acknowledging that without that person I wouldn’t be here, and maybe don’t piss on his grave. Maybe don’t piss on anyone’s grave except for GG Allen’s grave. I think he would have been cool with it.

So, here we go with the explanation.

Even Thomas Jefferson wasn’t that long ago in the eyes of history. I’m talking for all of human history. The Greeks, The Romans, the Egyptians. All of these cultures had slaves far longer than the US has been a thing.

Slavery was a thing for thousands if not 10s of thousands of years. I’m sure that the occasional person thought slavery was bad, but it wasn’t really a movement of any kind until a 2 to 3 hundred years ago.

Right. What I was saying is. Calling the civil war the “war of northern aggression” may make some of the racists that currently live in the northern states upset.

I meant northern as a literal geographic area. Like how Oregon is in the north. As opposed to some arbitrary line like the 31st parallel, or the mason Dixon line.

No, much like I said in my comment. Now, just like then. The racists are everywhere. They are in the north and the south. Trump welcomes racists from all over the US irregardless of geographical location.

I think everything on the internet should be taken with a grain of salt.

Even my ramblings. I tell them to the best of my memory, but memory is a funny thing, and your only hearing my side of the story.

So, one day I’m riding down the road. I’m like 17 or so. I see this super hot red head chick broke down on the side of the road. At the time (in the mid 90s) I was driving a 73 Volkswagen super beetle. Because of my shit car I knew what it was like to be stranded. So, I decided to pull over and see if she needed help.

I get out of my car and immediately realized that these 2 greasy looking middle aged guys were working on her car. I told her I just wanted to make sure she was ok. But it looks like she already has help so I’ll leave.

That’s when she says “Wait, your MJGS right?” I’m like,”Why yes I am”. She says “I’m Stephanie smith we went to school together.” She then says “Please stay, I don’t know these guys and I don’t trust them.”

I agreed and we talked for close to two hours. We laughed and talked about what happened to people we went to school with. Everything was perfect.

The two guys got her car running and left. I gave the guys like $20 or something for their help. It was all I had.

So she and I go to leave, and I stop and ask her if I can have her number. I figured we could go out sometime. After all we had just had a great time chatting it up.

All of a sudden like someone poured cold water over her head. The smile was gone and she looked me in the windows of my soul and said “You used to make fun of me in school.” I said “I swear I don’t remember that, but if I did I’m sorry.” She said “Yeah, you were a real ass hole to me fuck you. The answer is no.” That was one of the only times in my life I was left speechless with my mouth open. I just bowed my head, got in my car, and drove off.

I guess the moral of the story is. Sometimes making a joke at someone else’s expense may not be a huge deal to the person making fun. But it’s a big fucking deal to the person on the receiving end. To this day I don’t remember ever saying anything bad about her. I’m not calling her a liar. I probably did. I just don’t remember it.

I didn’t escape school unscathed. I had people that were super shitty to me too. But that’s a different story. For a different time.

I ran into that chick again about 6 years ago. In our mid 30s. She was a “shot girl” in a seedy gay bar. We talked about the good ole days for a long time. I did not ask for her number again.