cw: self-harm

American medical system bitching and self-harm

$50/month medication takes the “overwhelming urge to unalive” days per month from 15/30 to 5/30

unfortunately, finding a way to deal with those last crucial 5 days is proving difficult

feel free to make suggestions if you have them, unless they’re diet and exercise and mindfulness, which I assure you are primary occupations and were locked in before I started spending +$50/mo on medication

agony-deep

just feeling so utterly hollowed out and trying to type instead of plot

if I can make it a month and come up with $200 3x over that month, I might come away with an autism assessment and specific recommendations for local-ish therapists and local-ish resources that could help

hopefully maybe – I live in a rural area where resources are thin

regardless, that’s not going to fix the 5 terrible days, and I would need more money for a therapist on top of the $50/mo I’m barely doing now, or the $600 between me and getting the therapist recommendations

how do I fix the 5 terrible days? if it even possible? I’ve tried to accept that maybe they won’t ever go away, but it is a bit of a hard row to hoe

and then how does one accumulate more income to afford extra shit while in this kinda state? 😂😭 we don’t, do we

never getting a pap or mammogram

just circling the drain

  • blight [any]@hexbear.netEnglish
    6·
    3 months ago

    It’s going to sound stupid and grandiose, but I keep coming back to the thought that the fascists want us to kill ourselves so that their hands look cleaner. I’m not going to do free labor for fascists. Any time spent considering suicide is simply wasted.

    • the_itsb [she/her, comrade/them]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
      4·
      3 months ago

      I’m not going to do free labor for fascists.

      🤔 So what you’re saying is, I need to trick someone into paying me to do it?

      😂 jk of course

      thank you ❤️ I know it’s probably not exactly what you intended, but this idea made the situation very silly to me – it’s a dark silly, but it’s still silly – which I needed very much.

  • SeizeDameans [she/her,any]@hexbear.netEnglish
    5·
    3 months ago

    First of all, I don’t have answers but I do have a hug if you want it. Care-Comrade As for those 5 bad days, as someone who has been riding the depression/audhd train for a long time, all I can offer is that you have to expect them. Like when you wake up and it’s that shitty day, acknowledge it. Tell yourself “ok, today is one of those truly shitty days. I’m gonna hate everything today”. Sometimes that makes it easier to remember that it will end eventually and even if not it can at least help you remember to give yourself some grace that day. I know that isn’t much but I know that there are no real solutions.

  • FanonFan [comrade/them, any]@hexbear.netEnglish
    2·
    3 months ago

    feel free to make suggestions if you have them, unless they’re diet and exercise and mindfulness

    Sorry to be that person, but I’ll add sleep, water, and vitamin deficiencies to the annoying suggestion list. I found an antidepressant that worked decently well for me, but there’s still a long list of things that can contribute to “bad days” despite the altered neurochemistry. Vitamin D and B seem big for me. Iron or magnesium for some people I know.

    Also important for me, socialisation and a sense of purpose/productivity. The former like some sort of conversation with someone, or in-person mutual aid work sometimes. The latter might just be cleaning or organizing, or putting together a spreadsheet or document with plans or smth.

    Wrt finances, the mutual aid comm might be able to help with a one-time thing for an assessment. Depending on how much time you have, /r/workonline and /r/beermoney also have a few resources for side income that isn’t one of the many gig apps.