Title mostly.
I’m doing fine right now, had an argument with my brother but overall I got my path forward ironed out, but I can’t shake the feeling that all of what I do is just some pathological need to stumble forward into what I’m supposed to do but rather than actually being a meaningful calling or direction.
Maybe I’m just depressed.
Right? Like realistically I’m doing fine and I think my personality is fine and I think I could find a life partner. I think I could find hobbies I like and develop them, but goddamn looking at it from where I am just feels vapid and denying the real situation of the world.
I need a revolution to go die in but also I’m a coward
It’s good you’re still thinking about the world. It has sucked all joy and optimism from me. At this point I’m not even thinking about the injustices and inequality of the world. I’m just thinking about myself, and I can’t imagine the situation changing regardless of who’s in charge.
I’ve thought about joining the military back in high school for a sense of belonging and relationships. Then I quickly realized how shitty these people are. Anyway, I don’t deserve a heroic death
It’s funny, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with my general social skills. People are comfortable around me in about every situation, they compliment me, find me funny, seek my advice and musings. But it’s when I try to elevate it to an actual, meaningful relationship that I lose all my senses. All of a sudden I don’t know what to say, and because of that I lose my desire to be around them.
Bro are you me? Haha that part at the end is so relatable. Thanks for sharing that. Misery loves company as the saying goes