I figure some kind of camo: The T-Shirt of Darkness
+2 Dampness
The Umbral Tee
This plain T-shirt never seems to get dirty or stained, always remaining a bright white. It has a base AC of 14 and grants the following effects:
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Eclipse: as an action, you create a 30-foot cylinder of magical darkness centered on you. For the duration of this effect, all light (normal and magical) is suppressed, and you gain a +3 bonus to AC. This effect lasts for up to one hour. Once you use this feature, you cannot use it again until the following dawn.
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Don’t Look Directly At It: when your Eclipse feature is in effect, you may use a reaction at any time to end the effect early. When ending Eclipse in this way, you briefly emit dazzlingly bright sunlight. All creatures in a 30-foot radius who can see you must make a Constitution saving throw. On a failure, they take 4d12 radiant damage and are blinded for 10 rounds. On a successful saving throw, creatures take half damage and are not blinded.
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You get a roll for one of the below:
-100% luminance during totality (for the shirt, not the wearer)
-1 luck
-1 perception
+2 barter (one-time use, you don’t get to choose when)
+20% chance to injure toes on furniture (for life)
+100% chance to remain an idiot (j/k here, satire)
Don’t forget the religious guilt to repent debuff. It’s an unexpected sideffect 🤷♂️
No powers, but they will cast some SUPER weird shadows during the event.
Shirt of Umbra’s Embrace +3:
Appears as a normal T-shirt but is a powerful magical artifact embued with the power of shadows.
Allows the wearer to cast Pass Without Trace three times per day
Shadow Walk as a 9th lv wizard at will
+3 to move silent checks regardless of armor
AC increases the darker the surrounding area becomes up to AC 17.
I see we have a DM in the audience…
Cloak of the fiery black hole. Wearer is immune to spicy foods and their after effects. Also wearer makes no noise and takes no pain from butt stuff.
No noise and takes no pain from butt stuff
The noise you make is the best part, though
Me, I’m hoping for Shadowwalk.
If you have any turtlenecks, see if it really turns you into a turtle.
Wetability: requires: water