Growing up is not realizing Squidward is relatable. As a child, you like SpongeBob and see Squidward and Mrs. Puff as “jerks.” But growing up, I realized just how annoying and insufferable SpongeBob is, both as a character and as a “person.” He’s objectively insufferable and makes the lives of everyone around him miserable. Literally, the only reason Bikini Bottom keeps him around is because he’s the only one who can make Krabby Patties, and that’s it.

He constantly annoys Squidward and thinks Squidward is his “friend,” despite Squidward constantly telling SpongeBob he doesn’t like him and wanting SpongeBob to leave him alone. He’s always going to Squidward’s house to bother him, despite Squidward making it blatantly obvious that he doesn’t like him. SpongeBob cannot take a hint. His laugh is annoying, and he’s such a nuisance to be around that even the citizens of Bikini Bottom collectively hate him.

Bikini Bottom canonically has a population of 538 people, and literally everyone hates him. The town has a holiday where they celebrate not having SpongeBob around. When Mr. Krabs sold SpongeBob’s soul for 67 cents to the Flying Dutchman, the Flying Dutchman brought SpongeBob back 30 seconds later because he’s that annoying. The ghost even said being around SpongeBob is a “fate worse than death.” When Mrs. Puff went to jail, she was happy to go to actual prison because it meant SpongeBob wasn’t there.

In Season 5, Episode 18, when Patrick, Squidward, Sandy, and Mr. Krabs get mad at SpongeBob and call him “Idiot Boy,” SpongeBob writes a note and leaves Bikini Bottom for good. As a kid, you might feel bad for him, but watching it as an adult, I don’t. SpongeBob deserved to be called “Idiot Boy” because he was acting like an idiot. Throughout the episode, he made everyone’s lives worse. He broke Gary’s shell, knocked on Squidward’s door despite Squidward telling him multiple times that he doesn’t like him, and, no bullshit, the little idiot even said, “I know who will enjoy my company,” referring to Squidward. Squidward rightly got pissed and told SpongeBob not to disturb his beauty rest. SpongeBob destroyed Patrick’s cake, destroyed Sandy’s robot, and destroyed Mr. Krabs’ money.

Fuck SpongeBob. He made all of their lives worse in one episode.

The only reason Mr. Krabs wants him back is because SpongeBob can make Krabby Patties. Squidward was more than happy to have SpongeBob leave, but Mr. Krabs bribed him with a reward to help find him.

I will say, though, I didn’t feel bad for them when they decided to go back and look for him. SpongeBob’s dumbass finally took the hint and left. He realized he made everyone’s life worse and that nobody liked him. He finally took the hint and left so he wouldn’t bother anyone anymore. So what do the idiot characters do? They go find him and bring him home.

I lost all sympathy for Squidward and the rest of them after that.

I also think it’s a good message, though, that if everyone hates you, it isn’t necessarily everyone else who’s the problem. It may just be you.

Bikini Bottom is justified in treating SpongeBob terribly, and this is why I never felt bad for SpongeBob when Squidward pranked him in Season 1. He deserved it. For about half of that episode, he was pranking people left and right, but when he got pranked, suddenly it hurt his feelings? Man, fuck this yellow sponge.

He’s a menace to Bikini Bottom and Mermaid Man needs to beat his ass.