One of my children is questioning their gender, and they seem at ease with non-binary. I found this out yesterday, so I’m approaching this gently, though I feel ill-prepared. I want to be who they need.
I’m curious about the experiences of other parents, or stories about your parents learning to adjust if you came out to them.
Follow-up: Thank you all so much for your stories and your feedback!
Cis-het with a dash of bi here.
When I was younger I was terrified I might be gay. Not because my parents would disown me but because of all the social hooblah it would bring my way.
However I feel like I’d be less worried about that today vs couple decades ago.
TLDR its nice that society has become more accepting.
“Hi gay, I’m dad”
When my daughter came out as gay to me I was so happy she’d fallen for her best friend. I love them both like daughters. Screw lazy men, they are so happy together.
When my son came out as a trans woman I was ecstatic that they’d realised what was making them so anxious and depressed, boobs suit her :) Just be supportive they need it so much. It doesn’t change who they are, your child.
Wonder how the hell I got a kid in the first place
One of my close friends came out as gay to me in highschool and I said “I know? Everyone knows. Well, everyone except you, apparently.” and nothing changed between us. I don’t advise the first part of it, even if everyone did know, but the second applies - start using their new pronouns and otherwise continue on as normal. That’s all they want, for their gender to be respected and to not be treated as different or strange for it.
Told my wife she owed me 5 bucks from the bet.
My reaction to other family/friends coming out: “Fuck yea!”
My reaction if my kids come out: “Fuck yea!”
To having a child? Not…well.
Great example in my opinion.
Not at all. Im bisexual myself and have a gay nonbinary partner. Botz also very neruodivergent. Soooo it wouldnt be any change for us lol
But if you’re looking for advice, dont do like my parents and do not aknowledge it at all. I did “silent outing” as in i just dropped hints here and there. And dont assume they are gay and then say “i know you’re gay” while in a fighting argument with them. Ask them or even better just say “no matter who you’re attracted to, we will always love you and be there for you”.
The way I always saw it was “ok? If we are shifting names or pronouns, just let me know. If you need ideas I’ve got a few you can reject but other than that, it changes literally nothing. You are still you and if this makes you happy that’s all I can ask for.” At least that’s what I generally mean. Usually I’ll just say ok and ask if they’re hungry or something
Sadly not all parents are like that :(
The world would be a better place if they were
Though funny enought without both our parents being bad, me and my partner wouldnt have met nore bonded :)
About 10 years ago I told my dad I was gay and living with the guy who’s now my fiance. He just kinda went “ok” and changed the subject to where he was working construction nearby where I lived. Honestly, it sounds weird, but it really worked in the context of everything and our relationship. I couldn’t imagine it being the sappy cliche just because of the type of guy he is.
He later met him and they get along great with each other to this day.
Not gay myself, but I imagine in my case this would be the best possible outcome. I’m picturing in my head as though his response would have been the same if you’d said, “Hey dad, I’m straight and living with a woman.” I think my dad would be amazed that anyone could stand spending that much time with me 😂
That’s how I read it and kinda how I see it. If my kid came out as gay, I’d have about the same reaction. Who we love is who we love and as long as the person isn’t a complete tool or something, if they make my kid happy, that’s what matters. I just hope I’ve instilled enough self respect into them to pick a good person irrespective of the state or lack thereof of dangly bits
That’s lovely, thank you for sharing that.
I’ve experienced the other side of this. I know my mother had a hard time at first, and for a while she was mourning me, which was weird to experience, but eventually she realized I’m still the same person and I’m just being more myself.
My best advice is to listen to them. My mother was very convinced it was a phase for years and wouldn’t let me take hormones despite the very many times I tried to prove to her it’s not. Eventually she agreed and after my first appointment she told me she’d never seen me that happy since I was a little kid.
(Not every trans person wants to medically transition and that’s okay too. That’s why I say to listen to them. They know what they want and have probably put a lot of thought into it already.)
Honestly, a little shocked. Only because I would be also be discovering that I’m a parent.
Funny! But not useful. Kind of a shame it’s the top comment
People really don’t know when its appropriate to joke around. I guess the [serious] tag thing, that is (was?) in use in /r/askreddit should be thing here as well.
Occasional jokes in a topic filled with mostly serious answers is not problematic, especially ones that aren’t at the expense of anyone else. I think the joke was appropriate. Especially on a platform that is lucky to get 30+ comments on a post, it being top comment is not going to overshadow the others. Most people can read all of the comments in a few minutes anyway.
Mum of a trans daughter here.I just thought AHA that explains some things. I had long expected her to come out as gay, trans hadn’t occurred to me. I support and love her best I can.It has been a pretty steep learning curve and trying to get her on various waiting lists was a nightmare.
But she is having her nose op today and Adams apple if all goes to plan (its the NHS,). I really do not care,she is my daughter and her happiness is the most important thing. I do worry a lot though,it is dangerous out there for her.
Trans and British? Damn, good luck to your daughter.
That’s rough… I wouldn’t want to be British
As a trans person i think I’d sooner transition from beign British than my gender
Yeah its getting a little iffy just the now what with Reform stirring up hate. Thanks though I will let her know.
Similar situation: I’ve switched from saying “daughter” and “sister” to “child” and sibling. I’m not perfect at it yet and it doesn’t even appear that important to them, but I’m trying.
Most of us care. We might not react or cause drama, but even if your loved ones don’t care much, you could make someone’s day if they find out that you are a supportive parent that is trying to be sensitive.
