Had to escape. Shit was too tense. All the food is sorted for ol’ girl but jeez did that little stint of not eating enough do a number on her mind and mood. Meltdowns about very odd things like overloading a circuit (had dryer, heater, washing machine and hairdryer on). Said I’m going to have to turn the heater off for a bit and all hell broke loose (‘you can’t do anything right’). Suggested to layer up for a bit (p’s have a lot of cold weather stuff)… ‘don’t tell me what to do’.
Meltdown after weighing her (she’s waay down, accusing me of not doing enough), then tipping the ensure I had ready to go in soup down the sink ‘because I don’t want it’. So I suggested if I can’t get enough in we’ll have to bypass the mouth which means you’ll have to go in… ‘you just want to get rid of me’.
GP prescribed her mirtazapine which she refuses. Took one myself (lol not supposed to do that) just to see if it does stimulate appetite and it surely does and would be really helpful. I am/was tempted to chuck it in food but I’m drawing the line at prescription. Happy to go behind her back w/ ensure though.
You try and reason but it just doesn’t work. Frustrating af. Not her fault but it’s exhausting trying to work out what to do as it changes daily… so many moving parts.
Have to give respect to those in aged care doing this stuff for a living. It’s wild enough just with one person.
They’ll be down here over easter so few days off then back on the horse.
Nope. Been pushing for at home IV drip but not my call. When she was in ICU after the resection for a few days you see the BUN (which they did daily) test was bang on. Now she’s not drinking nearly enough and lo and behold last test 6 months on at the upper range + . Really frustrating. Quick fix (maybe) but it’s just hitting my head against a wall trying to convince ol’ boy. He should know but for some reason deaf ears.
He sees it. I think one of the problems (which seems counterintuitive) is due to his line of work he was able to push her through the system very quickly with several issues that happened concurrently. I think he’s worried she’s overwhelmed. It’s sort of a thing where the more you do the more pushback.
It’s so hard when they’re not in their right mind, topped with all the health and medical stuff. I’m so sorry you’re going through this friend, I’m glad you’re able to get some time to decompress.
I think the emotion thing is doing my head in. You have to switch it off when doing shit and not take it to heart, then it floods back at the end of the day.
Ethical dilemma but yes I agree. If she can’t understand what the medication is for and that she is dangerously underweight, it’s not informed consent/refusal. Also being starving and dehydrated is not really helping the brain function either. From the comments it doesn’t sound like she is ready for palliative care, doesn’t want to die. So her wishes would be better met by giving her the medication. Perhaps giving sneaky doses for a week or so and see what happens. Reassess if she starts to regain some decision making capacity.
When my dad was alive, in his last years he had dementia and would go on these rants. Getting worked up over nothing. I told my mum to put valium in his drink. She didn’t do it often because she hated doing it but it gave her relief from time to time and he slept better.
Here’s the thing though. When he was in the army he was commanded to add something in the food (he was one of the cooks) that stops the soldiers becoming horny. He didn’t like that so he told the soldiers which food was laced. He got into big trouble for that numerous times. He was convinced hospitals do it to because he could taste it.
My mum felt so bad she asked his doctor if it was ok and he said yes. Yikes.
And I heard utis in elderly can really set them off? But yeah. I think the trip was stressful and people feel more comfortable to lash out at their caregivers
Please care for yourself too. Even without the aggro and criticism at a certain point the level of expectations alone becomes abusive/dominates your life
Made it down to the bellarine yesterday.
Had to escape. Shit was too tense. All the food is sorted for ol’ girl but jeez did that little stint of not eating enough do a number on her mind and mood. Meltdowns about very odd things like overloading a circuit (had dryer, heater, washing machine and hairdryer on). Said I’m going to have to turn the heater off for a bit and all hell broke loose (‘you can’t do anything right’). Suggested to layer up for a bit (p’s have a lot of cold weather stuff)… ‘don’t tell me what to do’.
Meltdown after weighing her (she’s waay down, accusing me of not doing enough), then tipping the ensure I had ready to go in soup down the sink ‘because I don’t want it’. So I suggested if I can’t get enough in we’ll have to bypass the mouth which means you’ll have to go in… ‘you just want to get rid of me’.
GP prescribed her mirtazapine which she refuses. Took one myself (lol not supposed to do that) just to see if it does stimulate appetite and it surely does and would be really helpful. I am/was tempted to chuck it in food but I’m drawing the line at prescription. Happy to go behind her back w/ ensure though.
You try and reason but it just doesn’t work. Frustrating af. Not her fault but it’s exhausting trying to work out what to do as it changes daily… so many moving parts.
Have to give respect to those in aged care doing this stuff for a living. It’s wild enough just with one person.
They’ll be down here over easter so few days off then back on the horse.
Is she staying hydrated? Dehydrated grannies go absolutely off their shits in a terrifying way.
Nope. Been pushing for at home IV drip but not my call. When she was in ICU after the resection for a few days you see the BUN (which they did daily) test was bang on. Now she’s not drinking nearly enough and lo and behold last test 6 months on at the upper range + . Really frustrating. Quick fix (maybe) but it’s just hitting my head against a wall trying to convince ol’ boy. He should know but for some reason deaf ears.
honestly from your posts it sounds like he’s overwhelmed or in denial. Neither good.
He sees it. I think one of the problems (which seems counterintuitive) is due to his line of work he was able to push her through the system very quickly with several issues that happened concurrently. I think he’s worried she’s overwhelmed. It’s sort of a thing where the more you do the more pushback.
I’m gonna float the drip again though.
ask her what she wants
It’s complex in that state of mind.
It’s so hard when they’re not in their right mind, topped with all the health and medical stuff. I’m so sorry you’re going through this friend, I’m glad you’re able to get some time to decompress.
Thinking of you! 💜💜
Thank you❤️
I think the emotion thing is doing my head in. You have to switch it off when doing shit and not take it to heart, then it floods back at the end of the day.
I hear you
so many hugs
Since she is not of sound mind I’d be giving her the appetite meds mirtazapine
Ethical dilemma but yes I agree. If she can’t understand what the medication is for and that she is dangerously underweight, it’s not informed consent/refusal. Also being starving and dehydrated is not really helping the brain function either. From the comments it doesn’t sound like she is ready for palliative care, doesn’t want to die. So her wishes would be better met by giving her the medication. Perhaps giving sneaky doses for a week or so and see what happens. Reassess if she starts to regain some decision making capacity.
Just be careful as I gave those to Melbcat and stopped as she became more agitated. It is an antidepressant so can mess with the mood
Why not put it in a cuppa?
I’m tempted to but something tells me not to. Spiking stuff (except w/ regular over the counter things) is just going a bit far for me.
I totally get that.
When my dad was alive, in his last years he had dementia and would go on these rants. Getting worked up over nothing. I told my mum to put valium in his drink. She didn’t do it often because she hated doing it but it gave her relief from time to time and he slept better.
Here’s the thing though. When he was in the army he was commanded to add something in the food (he was one of the cooks) that stops the soldiers becoming horny. He didn’t like that so he told the soldiers which food was laced. He got into big trouble for that numerous times. He was convinced hospitals do it to because he could taste it.
My mum felt so bad she asked his doctor if it was ok and he said yes. Yikes.
I wish I could have done this. The neighbour I was caring for was low key getting more verbally and physically aggressive as time went on
Your instincts are right. You don’t want her questioning her food safety, she has enough issues already!
I’m so sorry. Maybe the aged care forums will have some tips 😔 https://www.agingcare.com/topics/212/refusing-care/questions
Edit: Or the Victorian Palliative Care Advice Service https://www.pcas.org.au/
And I heard utis in elderly can really set them off? But yeah. I think the trip was stressful and people feel more comfortable to lash out at their caregivers
Please care for yourself too. Even without the aggro and criticism at a certain point the level of expectations alone becomes abusive/dominates your life
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/depression-while-being-a-primary-caregiver-138183.htm
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/bad-caregiver-burnout-for-an-elderly-parent-who-refuses-any-outside-help-sassing-them-into-this-is-n-498268.htm
oh gawd so much of those last 2 links and comments resonates.
That is a dark rabbit hole (and i was reluctant to look up things like that) but thank you kindly for sharing them.
o7
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