Personal background: I strongly feel just about everyone grows up and has something shitty about them. I know growing up I definitely thought and said some less-than-ideal jokes about women, minorities, etc. And while some of that was the proverbial ‘the times’, and some was growing up in a sheltered hyper Christian southern American conservative situation, I regret my actions and am happy I grew past that. And I do think people, especially younger, can grow past their shittiness, especially with the help of others, which was true for me too… When I got my first W2 job a superior I looked up to helped mold me into a better person by calling me out on things and modeling a better behavior.
Current situation: I’m now the supervisor position, have been for a decade (retail is a trap) and I’ve taken that to heart, calling out jokes that aren’t funny, etc. But recently we hired a new kid who acts really incel-ish, and who apparently has attached himself to me instantly. I’ve had moderate success so far just telling him his ‘lol women dumb’ jokes aren’t funny, and modeling how working with women is… normal? Anyways, I don’t wanna screw this up so do y’all have any suggestions for me to help keep him from going down an unfortunate path? I know at the end of the day I’m not responsible for others’ routes in life, but I feel we should all do our parts.
I think it helps when guys can grow comfortable and vulnerable enough to be real with each other. Do you think you’re there yet? If not, it could come off as holier than thou. Take it at an easy pace. If you might remember from your Christian roots, certain—if not all—denominations have a one-on-one discipleship/mentorship thing where you walk through life together. This goes beyond your work relationship, so I don’t know how appropriate it is at work. If anything, it doesn’t even need to be as deep. I experienced some of it in college, both in Christian and non-Christian settings. One of the things I currently respect most about people is the ability to own up for one’s mistakes. And I see you’ve done that in your own life. If you make any mistakes in front of him, I believe it takes strength and humility to acknowledge it, and to correct yourself (whether immediately or later).
Not only model the correct behavior, but also the root of that behavior. What drives you to be that strong, kind person? Why treat and respect others as equals? Why be kind?
Sorry I don’t have any concrete advice. Just things to think about.
I appreciate you, how you’ve changed, and your desire to make a better life and world for those around you.