Man. Back when I was doing that work I took my principles very seriously. I never looked through people’s private files. If I happen to stumble on something accidentally, I never mentioned it.
This made me think about what a spaz I was when I was young.
I worked at a call center in my early 20s and I was hanging out with this beautiful redhead. I thought she was so far out of my league that I never stood a chance, so I never even thought about it. She was 100% my friend in my mind.
One day she told me that she needed her computer sped up. Told me there was nothing wrong with it, she just wanted to see if I could speed it up. We were tight enough at that point that I told her I would do it for free. We spent our lunches together, drove to the bank and cashed our checks together. We were good friends.
She said, “in my documents. There is a folder titled dance lessons. It’s full of naked pictures of me.”
I said, “Don’t you worry about it. I will not look at those photos. I will respect your privacy 100%.”
She replied, “Oh no I want you to look at them. I want you to see all of them and then tell me what you think.”
So you know what I did, I looked at them. I came back to work the next day with her computer. I sped it by disabling fading effects, and things like that, animations when minimizing and maximizing. Just a basic crap.
She looked at me and said, “So what did you think of my naughty pictures?“ I replied, “You are absolutely beautiful. Stunning. Gorgeous.”
That was that, it was time to clock in. Couple months later, a mutual friend of ours told me that she confided in him that she had been trying hard to move on me for months and was fully convinced that I was a homosexual.
By that point, she was already in a serious relationship with a manager who worked there. They ended up getting married and having a child, they are divorced now.
Jesus Christ, I was just terrible. I was oblivious to everything around me. I swear there’s something wrong with me.
Who knows what would have happened? All I know is that I am happy with the course that my life has taken, but it is still something I look back at and cringe at my younger self.
If it’s any consolation, young men are seldom taught social skills, and often have difficulty with this kind of thing. Women are also taught not too be direct, as it’s too forward.
I’d say have a laugh about the absurdity of it, chalk it up as a learning experience, and move on.
It’s also on her, because she didn’t tell you directly. You have to be blunt with some people. She even told your mutual friend directly; why did she have to play big enigma with you? It should be possible to be direct with potential partners. Imagine a relationship where nobody ever says what they mean and instead dances around the issue for the partner to guess what they want. That must be exhausting.
I feel this so much - why not just say what you want/need? It makes relationships so much easier. I will admit, it took a lot of fumbles for me to realize that, tho. 😅
It depends on how you’re raised I think, and then you gotta fuck up and figure it out when you get older.
It’s a disease in my family. I was talking with my uncle the other day and he had been upset with his wife. He didn’t tell her, he just went and slept on the couch. Done the whole cold shoulder thing.
I told him he needs to spit out whatever he’s feeling in that moment if he wants things to work. No sense sitting on it thinking the other person should know why you’re upset. Different things hit people different ways. Something that might make your blood boil might get a chuckle out of me. My wife’s whole family calls her a “fun sucker” but to me she’s the most fun person I’ve ever known. They aren’t mean about it, she’s just a moody woman and she always has been. They say it with love. My family says the same kind of thing about me, so my mom and her mom laugh together and say, “there’s somebody for everybody”.
You have to talk and express these things or it won’t work. I’m glad I know that now and am applying it in the relationship I’m in today.
Man. Back when I was doing that work I took my principles very seriously. I never looked through people’s private files. If I happen to stumble on something accidentally, I never mentioned it.
This made me think about what a spaz I was when I was young.
I worked at a call center in my early 20s and I was hanging out with this beautiful redhead. I thought she was so far out of my league that I never stood a chance, so I never even thought about it. She was 100% my friend in my mind.
One day she told me that she needed her computer sped up. Told me there was nothing wrong with it, she just wanted to see if I could speed it up. We were tight enough at that point that I told her I would do it for free. We spent our lunches together, drove to the bank and cashed our checks together. We were good friends.
She said, “in my documents. There is a folder titled dance lessons. It’s full of naked pictures of me.”
I said, “Don’t you worry about it. I will not look at those photos. I will respect your privacy 100%.”
She replied, “Oh no I want you to look at them. I want you to see all of them and then tell me what you think.”
So you know what I did, I looked at them. I came back to work the next day with her computer. I sped it by disabling fading effects, and things like that, animations when minimizing and maximizing. Just a basic crap.
She looked at me and said, “So what did you think of my naughty pictures?“ I replied, “You are absolutely beautiful. Stunning. Gorgeous.”
That was that, it was time to clock in. Couple months later, a mutual friend of ours told me that she confided in him that she had been trying hard to move on me for months and was fully convinced that I was a homosexual.
By that point, she was already in a serious relationship with a manager who worked there. They ended up getting married and having a child, they are divorced now.
Jesus Christ, I was just terrible. I was oblivious to everything around me. I swear there’s something wrong with me.
Who knows what would have happened? All I know is that I am happy with the course that my life has taken, but it is still something I look back at and cringe at my younger self.
If it’s any consolation, young men are seldom taught social skills, and often have difficulty with this kind of thing. Women are also taught not too be direct, as it’s too forward.
I’d say have a laugh about the absurdity of it, chalk it up as a learning experience, and move on.
Oh yeah that’s definitely what I’ve done. I’m getting old now.
I had multiple experiences like that, but I was an isolated kid who left school at 14 and I was just a mess.
I had a girl be so direct with me when I was younger that there was no other way to take it and I thought she was picking on me.
I’m very far removed from that awkward young man now.
It’s also on her, because she didn’t tell you directly. You have to be blunt with some people. She even told your mutual friend directly; why did she have to play big enigma with you? It should be possible to be direct with potential partners. Imagine a relationship where nobody ever says what they mean and instead dances around the issue for the partner to guess what they want. That must be exhausting.
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Good lord, my ex. Everything was a guessing game with her and she liked it that way because if things were calm and normal she wasn’t happy.
I’m so happy to be in a relationship with someone where we say what we mean and communicate our needs.
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I feel this so much - why not just say what you want/need? It makes relationships so much easier. I will admit, it took a lot of fumbles for me to realize that, tho. 😅
It depends on how you’re raised I think, and then you gotta fuck up and figure it out when you get older.
It’s a disease in my family. I was talking with my uncle the other day and he had been upset with his wife. He didn’t tell her, he just went and slept on the couch. Done the whole cold shoulder thing.
I told him he needs to spit out whatever he’s feeling in that moment if he wants things to work. No sense sitting on it thinking the other person should know why you’re upset. Different things hit people different ways. Something that might make your blood boil might get a chuckle out of me. My wife’s whole family calls her a “fun sucker” but to me she’s the most fun person I’ve ever known. They aren’t mean about it, she’s just a moody woman and she always has been. They say it with love. My family says the same kind of thing about me, so my mom and her mom laugh together and say, “there’s somebody for everybody”.
You have to talk and express these things or it won’t work. I’m glad I know that now and am applying it in the relationship I’m in today.