I need some impartial third party advice.
I told my mom the other day that she clearly doesn’t love or care about me because of the way she voted. I don’t believe she can both love her trans daughter while simultaneously willingly inflicting as much suffering as possible.
I decided to block her for a few days.
My aunt, who also hated Trump, is someone I could previously confide in. She cold shouldered me after I sent her the text I had previously sent to my mom.
Finally my aunt was an adult and texted me back last night with this.
“Thought would not have any effect. Didn’t like text you sent your mom. U R on my naughty list was not nice, u owe her an apology. Election wasn’t close decisive across country broke blue wall. Like it or not will be our president next 4yrs be an adult accept & move on!! U take too personal & how it impacts you. We all have choices/decisions it’s about Respect can’t expect others to respect yours if you can’t extend the same courtesy to others. No idea what u r talking about lying never questioned or said you were on job search, good luck with that. I’m taking a long break, disappointed have my own health/medical issues to address so focusing on that & me now. Happy Thanksgiving”
Now this is a person who texted me constantly about what a “pig fucker” Trump is, then she went radio silent a week before the election. When I inquired about the post election results she said “the world isn’t ready for a woman president so I didn’t even vote.” I have a strong feeling she actually voted for Trump and couldn’t stomach telling me that to save face.
Anyways- so I did call my mom and try to apologize against my better judgement. She didn’t answer so I left a voicemail. Basically I said I’m sorry I reacted that way, and I’m under a lot of stress.
She hasn’t replied in text or called back continuing to cold shoulder me essentially throwing my apology in my face.
Now I’m furious. My sister cut my mom out for months because my parents wouldn’t send her money for college. The second she called them back they took her in with open arms as if nothing ever happened. They never treat me that way. Brittany is the golden child of my mom and my stepdad (her current husband). The standards are entirely different for my sister and I. I’ve always been treated worse.
Based on this limited view of my family what should I do? I’m thinking about rescinding my apology and just cutting them out forever. To me it seems clear they don’t actually care about me at all.
When I was hospitalized for three days from my bike accident my mom never came to see me. She’s a 9 hour drive away. When I had my highly invasive SRS she never called to check on me when I was recovering in the hospital. She actively hated the fact I was even doing it telling me “I’ll never look right.”
Pretty sure she’s an objectively awful human being.
Set all of the politics aside for a bit.
People can be more than one thing. Humans have an incredible capacity for psychological incongruity. Your mom doesn’t see the straight line between her politics and loving you. Your aunt doesn’t see how the person occupying the White House should directly create a rift in personal relationships.
Your mom probably thinks she is doing what is best for you while not supporting you in any meaningful way.
It’s your choice what sort of relationships you want to have with your family. Your mom is not perfect, and you should not expect her to change. But also, neither should you feel the need to change who you are for anyone, including your mom.
You can choose to be as guarded with her as you need to be, hoping that simply existing in her life will improve her outlook on social issues, but any efforts to make her understand what you’re going through would be wasted effort.
If having a relationship with your mother causes you anxiety and distress, the healthiest option may be to have no relationship with her. Going low contact/no contact isn’t going to prove anything or win any argument, but it might make your life markedly happier.
Don’t engage in the political argument. There’s no cheese down that hole. Be honest and sincere, and never apologize if you don’t mean it. Relationships are built on trust, and if you cannot be honest with your family, then don’t speak with them.
You exist, and you matter. You deserve happiness and serenity, and so does your mom and so does your aunt. Live the life you want with the people you want in it. And remember that you can leave the door open, but it’s up to them to walk through it. If they choose to cut you off, accept it and walk away.