For better or for worse, while growing up my social life was mostly online: gaia online, livejournal, deviantart, tumblr, and many others. I’ve heard of social media interaction be described as social junk food & even as I want to defend the many genuine, meaningful online relationships I had, I’m sympathetic: of course it’s better to laugh together, to touch each other, to see each other’s facial expressions, to do projects together, to tangibly help each other, to be part of each others’ physical lives. Of course tech companies prey on our increasing loneliness and need for interaction the way that Coca Cola preys on thirst: claiming to cure it but exacerbating it and making us ill at the same time (and killing workers as they do it). But lots of people are in situations that keep them isolated that they can’t easily change: disability, living rurally, working two jobs, living in places where they can’t speak the language well, and the internet can provide a solution.
My life circumstances enable me to live the life I’ve always wanted to live, but it comes at a few sacrifices, the biggest being a social life, particularly a social life with people who share my values and who I feel comfortable speaking intimately with. There are lots of ways I can think of to make friends online, but mostly they involve having conversations on spyware platforms. Now that I’m privacypilled I can’t unring that bell. It’s as comfortable for me to make a friendship on a facebook group as it would be meeting a stranger for lunch in an extremely crowded public venue and have to scream our entire conversation perpetually. At least if they were willing to switch to Signal or something at some point we could metaphorically go to a quiet cafe and speak freely, but even the dude I talked to who talked about the book he read on techno-feudalism ditched it after trying it for a grand total of five minutes with me.
I fucking hate most tech companies and basically can’t tolerate mainstream social media. My IRL prospects are what they are, I could change them only at great cost to myself. But, embracing my milkless cloth monkey mom, I have to admit sociality, love, and understanding are needs: their absence won’t kill me as quickly as starvation, but it’s probably up there with sedentism. Anybody else in the same pinch? How do you cope?
In specialised Reddit communities. Either you bound with people over a hobby or something pretty simple. Like you’re in the same bumper group or are both into that sub about blue heeler dogs. That kind of thing. You’ll usually find regular people there not some type nutjob you can find in some ultra niche community. But you’ll also have to accept not many people are as versed as you in privacy nor willing to comply with all your request for private communications and you might have to dial it down.