Please recommend a better place to post if this is inappropriate for the community. Sorta long, and personal

They’ve been clean for a little over a year. They went out with friends and one of the friends gave my partner a bottle of the thing that causes behavior problems. It makes them the worst type of drunk. They called me mostly sober and I got to hear them go from coherent to passing out over the course of a couple hours and many phone calls and being hung up on many times

I’m not sure exactly what I’m looking for. There was nothing I could do other than try to keep them on the phone and engaged but it all spiralled. Swinging from ok to hysterical to angry and back. The angry part is why I can’t go get them, along with them getting to the point of absolute unreasonableness and just babbling nonsense. At points they can be combative and my showing up in person would have made everything worse

They are at a safe space where they can sleep it off. At this point I’m not worried they’ll come back home angry, but I’m still vigilant for when they get back

I do not blame them because alcoholism and addiction are a lifelong disease, but I’m just not sure how to approach the next time I see them, which is presumably and hopefully in the morning

They have a therapist which they should probably get in touch with. I’m looking for a little direction. Maybe someone’s dealt with addiction and relapse could chime in. I know I can’t approach it with anger even though inside I’m feeling so angry and betrayed. They quit because the last time they drank, they put their hands on me

-tpyo

Edit: they’re home. It’s fine, they are ok though there’s still a lot to talk about. Thank you for the concern and responses 💚, truly

  • Left as CenterEnglish
    23·
    3 months ago

    They’ve been clean for a little over a year.

    I know I can’t approach it with anger even though inside I’m feeling so angry and betrayed.

    You were betrayed by your partner, and they were by the “friend” who gave them the drink and did not act to stop them when getting drunk.

    They quit because the last time they drank, they put their hands on me

    Talk it over when sober, but seeing there is danger in the situation you should also be very clear to yourself and your partner about a line that if crossed you WILL go away. Like next drink. Do not compromise on your safety for sentimental reasons, this is how many women are killed every year. (Unless you are in a position to kick their ass easily when they are both drunk and armed with whatever is at home, from knife to club).

    One year off is a very good start though, and unless there is a relapse in drink habits other than a one time occurrence the way forward might still be open.

    Disclaimer : am no addition specialist, but had to control a mean drunkard armed with a cutter, have and have had alcoholic/addicted people close to me, and the one thing I learned is that only they can save themselves. Support is a heavy burden. Close support is a heavy and dangerous burden. You should always protect yourself before anything

    • tpyo@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
      7·
      3 months ago

      I don’t have much to say right now in response to your comment but it is very meaningful and hits close to home in a lot of ways

      I’m very upset at the friend, and disappointed but understanding with my partner. Friend in this scenario also apparently drank themself to puking. I wasn’t there and if there’s another get together it seems I need to chaperone

      Those boundaries are a serious topic because of the past. It’s not a “never ever again” for drinking but it’s been a nix on that specific alcohol. But sentiments are complicated