To: All Staff

From: Erica Carr (Definitely not DOGE)

Subject: Do crimes

Body: You are ordered to violate the Federal Records Act. Obviously, it’s punishable by 3 years in jail but it’s a federal crime so the president can pardon you. He’s golfing today but I assure you, I’ll put in the good word for you and you won’t serve a full sentence. Failure to commit this federal crime will be interpreted as a resignation.

P.S. I asked Elon if you could just list one bulletpoint for accomplishments this week as I am well aware how paper shredders jam if you try to destroy too many government documents at once. He said, “Sure, whatever.” and put his gaming headset back on.

I assume this is because Musk and his team of idiots think they can just destroy records then make up whatever they want about the nature of USAID programs, because they for whatever reason refuse to acknowledge the fact that the budget and spending of allocations was already public record.

Isn’t it illegal to destroy classified documents without the proper clearances ahead of time?

_{This comment is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0}

People can’t be instructed to do something illegal. This is such bullshit.

I mean… was this when DOGE was about to get access to all of their sensitive classified data? Because if so, prob the right call…